will i ever beat SA? :(

[Falkor]

hi,
i'm afraid if i'll ever be able to beat SA. only the thought of being in a supermarket or travelling bus/train or being in a crowd place freaks me out.
this is a pain in my heart because i want to be able to function normally in life.
my whole life i have been an afraid kid, generalized anxiety, social anxiety,
bps, mcdd, i don't want this labels, to be me.
I want to be a strong person who can be social and have a nice career.
but this road seems like have no escape, i desperately want to beat SA.
beating sa is my number 1 wish. because it makes my life awful and painful.
it's my dream, wish, everything. and this leads to a better life.

i'm going to be in school again in a few months (sept) cuz i don't want to be homebounded, and i want to break the vicious cycle of isolation.
i want to break through everything i was afraid of.
but still, i can't fight through it, i do feel positive more often.
but when this anxiety is controlling me, i feel so defeated.
i don't want to be this way, but this curse is holding my life.

but.. yes.. i'm working on it everyday.
i'm reading self help books, i have signed a contract to follow this therapy sessions for about 1 year, i go to an activity centre soon being in a group with other people and in september school starts for me.
im so afraid of failure, i just want to make it happen, i want to be stronger than SA....

i just pray to beat sa... thats everything i want.

 

[Dronee]

I hope you don't take it the wrong way, but here's my advice. You need to know what you can handle and what's too huge for you at the *current* moment. I once made the mistake of thinking I can do just about *anything* on pure willpower alone... It's harder if you make huge leaps instead of small steps.

Anyway, good luck!

 

[DespairSoul]

Saskia,

Very emotional nice post i loved it to read it trough is sad and positive in both ways. My biggest wish is beat SA either i want experience feeling "anxiety free" or "half free". Obsessive thoughts on daily basis about any small things lead mine live. I want to beat them and buried under ground "hell yes"!! I wish so much so long time be free of all of it. I see u do very much for it. I didn't do it much because i'm weak and "anxiety control over mine live" so much that gave up I gave up do anything about it because i never believed i can do it. I never believed in mine self i can beat it. Saskia i hope u will do it u are an inspiration u are warrior on his way fight the beast i'm sure u will experience success!!! I wish this to u from whole heart u are an brave, sweet girl and i know u will do it! I feel u can do it somehow i feel the vibration i don't know but i think u are on good way to do it!!

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

hi,
i'm afraid if i'll ever be able to beat SA. only the thought of being in a supermarket or travelling bus/train or being in a crowd place freaks me out.
this is a pain in my heart because i want to be able to function normally in life.
my whole life i have been an afraid kid, generalized anxiety, social anxiety,
bps, mcdd, i don't want this labels, to be me.
I want to be a strong person who can be social and have a nice career.
but this road seems like have no escape, i desperately want to beat SA.
beating sa is my number 1 wish. because it makes my life awful and painful.
it's my dream, wish, everything. and this leads to a better life.

i'm going to be in school again in a few months (sept) cuz i don't want to be homebounded, and i want to break the vicious cycle of isolation.
i want to break through everything i was afraid of.
but still, i can't fight through it, i do feel positive more often.
but when this anxiety is controlling me, i feel so defeated.
i don't want to be this way, but this curse is holding my life.

but.. yes.. i'm working on it everyday.
i'm reading self help books, i have signed a contract to follow this therapy sessions for about 1 year, i go to an activity centre soon being in a group with other people and in september school starts for me.
im so afraid of failure, i just want to make it happen, i want to be stronger than SA....

i just pray to beat sa... thats everything i want.

Saskia, I feel the same way, I could have written these words, minus your specific situations (aka going back to school, therapy).

But YOU WILL beat this. You're a fighter, you've aleady been fighting. You're activly trying to beat SA. There's going to be lulls and times in the fight where the fight seems too impossible; hopeless struggle to overcome. These are the toughest times I find myself going to similar feelings. But it'll take many battles to break through the isolation and cycle of SA... it's a constant thing you gotta get into; Ive done my best with constant exposure, with enough rest like exercise cant do things 24/7 but build up and stuff. SA latches onto the moments of isolation and comfortable surroundings to bring back down. Gotta keep challenging. Going to the frontlines! =)

Don't be afraid of failure, what I've come to realize is everyone fails at some point, usually not huge mistakes, despite feeling as such. Failing won't kill you, but with the right attitude it will make you STRONGER, not weaker.

Going back to school will be the best thing; forcing self to be in "crowds" and with people.

The road to recovery is bumpy, with ice slicks and booby traps and landmines... but you're not alone on the road. Just whatever you run into, keep going forward. One foot forward at a time. Fight on. (easier said than done, I know all too well, but you are determined like me to beat this sooner than later, just gotta keep finding that determination to fight on =)