why oh why?

[pamrla]

i feel like the world is just going on and on. i'm so unhappy depressed or whatever. my daughter only has eight minutes for me ,my husband yells all the time, no one wants to hear from me,not even my minester.i can't believe my husband was going to hit me yesterday.i must be an awful person. they gave me six months to live,but that passsed two weeks ago. its like everyone is just waiting,god is really cruel,why do i have to stay here and take all this crap?i raised my kids lovingly and gave everything i could,but now they are to busy to be bothered.i made all their dreams come true,what a fool!. now i know why people in nursing homes yell for god to help them.i'm such a coward or i'd end it myself. my mother did now i know why.i wish ...

 

[krs2snow]

Hi Pamrala. I'm really sorry for all that you've been through.

 

[pamrla]

there really is someone out there

thank you for letting me know someone heard me. today's a new day. maybe it will get better :wink:

 

[txjeepin]

pamrla when i read your post my heart broke. i am sorry to hear that you feel as if your family were ignoring you. maybe there is an underlying reason as to why they are avoiding you. they may be sad and feel like avoiding you is there way to escape from reality. i am so sorry please remember that there is someone in texas that has just prayed for you. you are not alone.

 

[shadowcolor]

Hi, I'm sorry about all that.

When my Mom had cancer, I lived like I had no idea. I was just a teenager at the time, but I still feel guilty about being so selfish. She survived the cancer; I don't know what you have, but you never know, miracles happen.

Sometimes, it is scary to people who haven't been through depression to try to empathize with the terrible feelings because they are afraid that they will end up in that dark place themselves.

I wish I could help. People do care.
If there is a Heaven, it will be everyone giving to each other.

P.S.
Your husband is the awful person. There's no excuse for that. He's got a problem worse than any of yours.

 

[pamrla]

thank you

i was so happy to learn someone heard me it helps.i go for arepeat test march5 they said i'd never make the test ,but here i am. why i don't know.i know mircles do happen.,they told me my son would never live to be 5,but he's now42. it just seamed so right for him.i though have all my plans made everything is ready just me.i wish i could find an answer.

 

[pamrla]

:? well i got suckered again. i went for the tests to see why i'm still here.boy do they know how to hurt you.jay went with me. i'll know the results on the 24th.i've never been so hurt in my life.they warned me i'd be uncomfatable(never could spell)i got home and thought i was wet ,only to find i was bleeding.it scared me silly. but today it finnally stopped.
then my life got even worse ,i heard that there was this great deal for jay ,what a bunch of grapes that was. i needed 700.00,i told jay only to have him think i said 70.00 so he was late going where he was suppose to. then i find out he bounced the land payment,swearing there was no reason,yea right this man lies like a rug.so i gave him my check for 726.00 do you think he'd say thank you? oh no not jay. we have been together 30 years.then he has the nerve to tell me to quite being a stupid ass. ya he's right. ever since i had my stroke he's been a jerk.he's become a caregiver,and a lousy one at that. its not i don't appreciate what he does but he goes to far. now he's up to calling me names and forceing me to take his abuse.he told me i had to become self-suficent to be able to come home.believe you me i was hospitalized for two years to get that way.only to find out they mi ssed something and it can't be fixed, so they gave six months to be in this miserable world.well i passed that i should be happy,but it only drags on. i wish a thousand times a day i would just die.