Why is it I can't stand who I am

[Weakminded]

I feel like I post about my stupid situations wAay too much but this is just how I feel and I have no one to tell.. I have two close freinds who are brothers and I've known them for years. Now I know they obviously like me because they are the ones who always call me too hang out. But when I'm hanging out with them I feel like there's all these really awkward silences that go on for wAay too long and in my head I'm thinking ok I'm their guest I should be speaking but I stay quite. * Sometimes they talk and I don't even say a word. *The only time I feel some what comfortable is when I'm drunk and even then I feel like I still think negative. I feel like they see that I'm nervous I know for a fact they have picked up on it especially when they invite other people over. I avoid my best friends during the day because I don't want it to be awkward and I know at night we might possible drink so I know I will feel more comfortable. To tell you the truth I get awkward around my own brother mom and dad. I hate who I am and envy people that can manage these situations better than me... *I just don't know how to talk to people and when I do talk I sound weird. *I just don't understand why I' have to be this way and I just feel like a weak person.*

 

[burdeninyourhands]

I see what you saying, your probably overanalyzing what your going to say (and since your depressed with your self you don't feel that your opinions or statements are worth much) but try not to use alcohol as a way to vent or have a good time with your friends because whatever you tell them is clouded and exaggerated through your intoxication. My friendships are the same way but instead of pot I use weed and only hang out while stoned. Its been like this since I was 14 and I'm 24 now. Its hard for guys especially to have meaningful moments thar aren't awkward, the best advice I can give you is to stop looking at your life as a outsider and just live, if you dovso you won't even notice the awkwardness..
The people around you probably don't either