I think it has to do with my anxiety and being afraid of what people think so I don't even bother talking to nice people. Even when they are nice and give me a compliment. I'm hopeless and will remain friendless forever. I used to think who cares but not I'm starting to think I'm a bit too old to be shy and I need to be more social but its so awkward for me. Does anyone feel the same? or have good advice? (besides the obvious just talk, it isn't that simple for me.)
Why I think Im shy, how do I change?
- Thread starter jolierose
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Janey
Member
I used to be in a similar situation. I'd never talk to people I didn't know unless I was forced into it, whether it be a group project or anything of the sort (even then, I kept it strictly focused on the work at hand). I was too afraid of saying the wrong thing or stumbling over my own words because then the thought of them thinking I was dumb would race through my mind for weeks. Although it would be nice to be the perfect being that everyone loves to be around 100% of the time, it's just not possible. I'm not extremely social, but I realize that not everyone is going to like my personality and I'm perfectly fine with that.
Long story short, you don't need to change your personality. If you were to change anything, I'd say to try to care a bit less about what people think of you. Depending on who they are in relation to you, you might not even see them again.
Long story short, you don't need to change your personality. If you were to change anything, I'd say to try to care a bit less about what people think of you. Depending on who they are in relation to you, you might not even see them again.
The obvious advice "just talk" won't cut it. It's like saying "Go win the Olympics gold medal this instance" when you're barely an athlete. The first thing you'll have to do is to work on your inner self first. If you don't feel good about yourself, you won't feel good about anything. I can write a terribly long post on all the ways I've used to work on myself and beat it or you can check it out here at my blog. We're fellow sufferers so I know my articles will speak closely to you.
One surprising thing I learned is that people may appear confident but some are feeling pretty darn awkward inside. I guess what you see is not what really is. I also learn that when I admit to people that I feel awkward, it makes the situation less awkward. It's like giving yourself the verbal permission to be who you are. That's something you should try to help ease yourself into the environment.
Best wishes!
Requiescat
Well-known member
I understand exactly where you are coming from. You feel afraid, but when you thrust yourself into those pressure situations you draw blanks and fail. There is no other way around this, you have got to relearn how you communicate and do a lot of visualization and rehearsal to build a new repertoire. The thing is, under pressure you will revert back to muscle memory. In this case, you will revert back to your empty toolbox of conversation skills and feel a dejected mess. It's a vicious cycle that whittles away at everything you are. Here are a couple of links to help you in this regard.
Conversation techniques
Conversation Questions for the ESL/EFL Classroom (I-TESL-J)
Also, be mindful of what you are doing. If you have a bad experience, try to find out why. In my case I found I don't ask questions, so I am working on that. If you have anymore questions let me know. The thing is that you are already capable of doing these things, but it takes a bit of effort to get past that sticking point of inhibition and build the confidence to trust your intuition and be confident in your personality and flavour of communication style. Building a bit of a repertoire gives you something to fall back on and reprograms how you think in those pressure situations. Trying to be more positive won't help alone, throwing yourself repeatedly could work eventually... but then again for many people that could be devastating.
I really hope this helps you. I know a nuts and bolts approach is not popular, but sometimes you need something tangible to cling onto. Best of luck, you literally can do this
Conversation techniques
Conversation Questions for the ESL/EFL Classroom (I-TESL-J)
Also, be mindful of what you are doing. If you have a bad experience, try to find out why. In my case I found I don't ask questions, so I am working on that. If you have anymore questions let me know. The thing is that you are already capable of doing these things, but it takes a bit of effort to get past that sticking point of inhibition and build the confidence to trust your intuition and be confident in your personality and flavour of communication style. Building a bit of a repertoire gives you something to fall back on and reprograms how you think in those pressure situations. Trying to be more positive won't help alone, throwing yourself repeatedly could work eventually... but then again for many people that could be devastating.
I really hope this helps you. I know a nuts and bolts approach is not popular, but sometimes you need something tangible to cling onto. Best of luck, you literally can do this
toowilling
Well-known member
Hi, I used to be in your situation. I had a feeling that I would be rejected all the time ( that was my elementary days) But as I mature and grow older, I realized that It shouldn't be that way. It really took me sometime to overcome this shyness but since I was invited by a friend in a social gatherings, I started to gain more confidence and learned that there are so many people too that are nice and looking up to me. In your case, you just have to believe in yourself first and trust others that they will accept you for what you are. Sooner or later, you'll find yourself around having conversations with a lot of friends too.