LittleMissMuffet
Well-known member
One thing that I have been struggling coming to terms with is why I have to have such trouble dealing with emotions.
In my early twenties I had issues with male-female relationships, and battled with getting emotional balance with this. Amazingly I succeeded and am still quite proud of my self.
Yet, since dealing with this, a time in which I spent most of my time isolated at home, I've been coming across a more long-term problem, and that is my anxiety and emotional control with people in general.
Dealing with the previous difficulty taught me a fair bit about how to solve problems and how my mind works; and I was all set to conquer this next problem -believing and hoping that, the skills in thinking that I had learned would help me cope with social anxiety as well as that it occurred to me that i would not be 'cursed' a second time.
I realise that there are many people who have been dealt much harder cards than I, and I accept this -however, there still exists a part of me that winges: "Why me? ...why should I have to deal with more than one major emotional problem?"
On top of this, I sometimes feel anger and resentment at how our society in general rewards people based on how things seem and 'results' -and how there is less respect given to a person based on how much they try. Everything is based on whether you appear succesful -if you have a job, many friends ...etc... And along with this, people tend to have the attitude that without these 'status' symbols, a person is a failure -that they are simply 'weaker' than others and lesser. Even terms like 'emotional intelligence', whereby the definition is given that, people lacking such intelligence have poor management over their emotions and a prone to anxiety. -I find that this can be misleading. And, like people can be prone to judging the down-and-out as 'lazy' or as 'weaker'/'lesser', there is the attitude that we simply aren't as smart or as hard-working as others. Again, it goes back to not appreciating that some people are simply given more to deal with. And if they struggle to cope, this is not out of the lack of will to end their sufferring, but because they have more to deal with.
....'Emotional Intelligence' is much easier to have when there is less emotion to manage and assert balance over. And too often people just label someone as 'dumb' or as 'lazy'. ...again, society in general judges by the outside and by how things appear.
Before I was sacked from my last place of employment, I was bullied by a pretty nasty co-worker. I believe I correctly guessed that this individual himself had strong emotional issues that he had not yet dealt with. Yet, his way of dealing with these was to pick on everybody else's weakness -and of course, me who was visibly struggling with feeling comfortable in the presence of others, was seen as 'the weakest link' (his phrasing). eventually, I was sacked, whilst this person continued at his job, just managing to keep the illusion that he was perfect.
...What kind of sanity is in a world that rewards those who appear 'normal' through making everybody else's lives around them a misery; whilst those who are more honest in taking responsibility for their faults are punished with losing their position, and then having to face prejudice as being unemployed and labelled by many/some as a 'loser'-?
I think I am in the midst of trying to create and believe in my own standards of what is 'normal' and 'fair'.
and I know that I simply have to accept that I have social anxiety as well as the previous emotional problem -more than one cross to bear, perhaps. And I also know that I have to see past all this prejudice and basing a person's worth on what they appear to be or have, as opposed to how much they have and are working for things.
In the meantime, before creating these new standards for defining what matters, I sometimes feel resentment and a sense of just how unfair life is.
That's all, really.
Muffet
In my early twenties I had issues with male-female relationships, and battled with getting emotional balance with this. Amazingly I succeeded and am still quite proud of my self.
Yet, since dealing with this, a time in which I spent most of my time isolated at home, I've been coming across a more long-term problem, and that is my anxiety and emotional control with people in general.
Dealing with the previous difficulty taught me a fair bit about how to solve problems and how my mind works; and I was all set to conquer this next problem -believing and hoping that, the skills in thinking that I had learned would help me cope with social anxiety as well as that it occurred to me that i would not be 'cursed' a second time.
I realise that there are many people who have been dealt much harder cards than I, and I accept this -however, there still exists a part of me that winges: "Why me? ...why should I have to deal with more than one major emotional problem?"
On top of this, I sometimes feel anger and resentment at how our society in general rewards people based on how things seem and 'results' -and how there is less respect given to a person based on how much they try. Everything is based on whether you appear succesful -if you have a job, many friends ...etc... And along with this, people tend to have the attitude that without these 'status' symbols, a person is a failure -that they are simply 'weaker' than others and lesser. Even terms like 'emotional intelligence', whereby the definition is given that, people lacking such intelligence have poor management over their emotions and a prone to anxiety. -I find that this can be misleading. And, like people can be prone to judging the down-and-out as 'lazy' or as 'weaker'/'lesser', there is the attitude that we simply aren't as smart or as hard-working as others. Again, it goes back to not appreciating that some people are simply given more to deal with. And if they struggle to cope, this is not out of the lack of will to end their sufferring, but because they have more to deal with.
....'Emotional Intelligence' is much easier to have when there is less emotion to manage and assert balance over. And too often people just label someone as 'dumb' or as 'lazy'. ...again, society in general judges by the outside and by how things appear.
Before I was sacked from my last place of employment, I was bullied by a pretty nasty co-worker. I believe I correctly guessed that this individual himself had strong emotional issues that he had not yet dealt with. Yet, his way of dealing with these was to pick on everybody else's weakness -and of course, me who was visibly struggling with feeling comfortable in the presence of others, was seen as 'the weakest link' (his phrasing). eventually, I was sacked, whilst this person continued at his job, just managing to keep the illusion that he was perfect.
...What kind of sanity is in a world that rewards those who appear 'normal' through making everybody else's lives around them a misery; whilst those who are more honest in taking responsibility for their faults are punished with losing their position, and then having to face prejudice as being unemployed and labelled by many/some as a 'loser'-?
I think I am in the midst of trying to create and believe in my own standards of what is 'normal' and 'fair'.
and I know that I simply have to accept that I have social anxiety as well as the previous emotional problem -more than one cross to bear, perhaps. And I also know that I have to see past all this prejudice and basing a person's worth on what they appear to be or have, as opposed to how much they have and are working for things.
In the meantime, before creating these new standards for defining what matters, I sometimes feel resentment and a sense of just how unfair life is.
That's all, really.
Muffet
