why do i treat good people the way i do

[xtina_fan81]

i have a couple of online friends and i just make them feel guilty all the time i have so much bitterness and resentment towards people in general cos of the way ive been treated in the past. im really looking for someone to tell me why i do what i do cos its just beyond me these days. i make threats of hurting myself that i have absolutely no intention to do, i have periods of depression where i wallow in self pity and negativity what's weird is that i want them to think im upset. I dont want them to know when and if i'm feeling better during the day. i want them to feel sorry for me. with one of them ive gone on about it so much that shes just stopped talking to me. am i doing it to make someone feel something towards me even if its not good things? years ago i spent so much time feeling like i didnt exist to people and i didnt matter to people, that now i take advantage of the people who are there and if they dont live up to my "expectations" i go off at them. i mean today i was thinking what am i even wanting out of them? for them to travel hundreds of miles and sit with me til im better again? because i know that they literally cannot solve my problems. theres nothing they can do. when they tell me this i take it as that they dont care about me though and accuse them of "Hating" me and all sorts. its just so messed up i dont even know where my issues lie anymore, i really need someone to tell me what im doing or why im doing it. if anyones had similar experiences or know anything about my symptoms id appreciate any reply.

 

[Beatrice]

I know how this feels. While I wasn't always real obvious or intense about it, I often ended up feeling similarly and wishing my online friends would pay me more attention and care about me while I felt that way. So I became bitter when they did not. I was also mocked for it later on after a fall out with one of them. And yet now I'm friends with that person again. Well, not even friends really, just..... Facebook friends. Which means nothing. I don't know why.

Ahem sorry, getting sidetracked. Basically yeah, I can relate. I know how you feel. It's because we want attention and friendship, like anyone would if they were alone for a long time and feeling depressed. It's sad that sometimes we get to that really bitter point though. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with it.

We all need someone to talk to about our problems, and if there's no one there it can feel quite lonely and depressing. Currently I have no one except my mom, and she can't always be there either. So I end up alone in my room, feeling like crap. It hurts, I know. I don't say this to gain people's sympathy but it's the reality of it......

 

[Blabla..]

I'm not in your mind but maybe ,

you might be finding any ways possible to get attention and ways to get people to help you feel better , but since they are helpless you might feel anger toward them and find ways to harm them , make them feel bad in hope they will try harder , pressuring them with menaces .

The ego will always look for attention and ways to make others feel bad , it will always want more and more attention , the ego is selfish , it will make you do whatever it takes to get what it wants , including hurting others.

But you are in a better position to know what is really going on , it is your own mind , you can learn to observe what it does , and why .