Where'd all our confidence go?

[Skyla]

alot of people in here have a story. i just wanna know what is it dat makes us think so low of ourselves? i was bullied very lightly when i was 8 (literally one minute i was joking wid da guy, da next, crying coz he hit me). eventually my mum had to come in, and now i think its because he fancied me.
anyways, in primary skool, i was happy. i liked going to skool. i lived round an area wid lots of kids all sorts of ages and generally enjoyed my childhood. my home life is good. i live with both parents (altho i dont have a brilliant relationship with my parents - i have some kind of closeness to my mum n bro tho.) and my bro. in secondary skool i wasnt bullied. i wasnt da popular one, but then i wasnt da "geeky" one either. sec skool is where it all started for me. i never had a boyfriend or had boy interest and everyone knew dat. but i was never seen as a freak or anything. one "popular" girl teased me one time, but dats about it. regardless i still felt pathetic, sad and all da other stuff we all feel on here. anyways, im just bascially thinking what is it in my life dat has made me like this? why do i have such low confidence dat i feel like all i can do is offer a man sex? why do i feel im uninteresting etc??

basically, i wanted to know what you lot think my have "caused" your SA. or just anything that may have contributed to it. coz i dont bloody know :roll: :?

 

[black_mamba]

I always say it, and it make little sense, but I don't think anything caused my social problems. Just me and my little brain.

Anyway! You're in London? That god for that. I was getting worried back there, you see this forum is full of members from all over the world, yet only me from one of the most populated bits. 8O

Yay.

 

[Lost_Nomad]

Let me check, damn!!! well what yah know i've lost it. must of lost it with my lunch on the trip home. anyone willing to sell me some confidence. hehe Sorry about the jokes. i had a hard time when i was a kid, i dont think its the bad experience, its the fact that we put ourselves down that kills the confidence. or i really did loose it with my lunch.

 

[redlady]

Basically it is this - if you are told you are shit enough times you believe it - it's fucked up how that works :evil:

 

[Angie_05]

I have an idea where my GAD came from, but I have no idea why I developed SA. In elementary school I was friends with all the girls. Then as I got older it got harder and harder for me to feel included. By middle school I remember looking at some of the other girls on the first day and thinking, "they are so pretty, well-dressed, and confident. there is no way they will accept me".

 

[Lost_Nomad]

redlady wrote

Basically it is this - if you are told you are shit enough times you believe it - it's fucked up how that works :evil:

it is fu#@ed up. we're all good people here, being shy means that we're just more sensitive to our conscience. something i wouldnt trade for all the confidence in the world.

 

[4myself]

I just realised today that because I have been used by a lot of people, that I have come to not trust my own judgement about people, so I am always just waiting for them to betray me or do something messed up to me.

 

[blubs]

I have never had any confidence. I think its something that is instilled in you at a young age by your family. My mum struggled a lot and I think, looking back, she suffered from depression and our home wasn't a very loving environment. I was the youngest and my elder sister was (like a lot of young kids) jealous when I was born...she bullied me from being a baby. It wasn't really her fault, it was my mums job to make sure her children treated each other properly...but she didn't. By the time I started nursey at 3 I was already used to being victimised...and I never learned to stand up for myself.

 

[sensitive]

I am not sure about the reasons of my case. when i was 9 we immigrate from my country Somalia to Kuwait. i had difficult time because i didn't know the language that time, and kids were mean with me :? so that could be a reason, i mean adjusting with new situation that time.

another reason, unlike other mothers my mom has been always a tough mom, she is not emotional at all :? so i never felt secured or happy. however, non of my siblings have SP/SA so that couldn't a reason.

i remember when i was in my country before 1994, i was a tough kid, i never felt afraid or coward so i guess moving from there has had huge affect.

 

[angiepangie]

my shyness came from primary school ,The kids were horrid as i am half latina and darker than everyone else! They would bully me and i always remember sitting on the bench in the playground and the teacher blew her whistle and shouted will anyone play with angela.I was mortified as i didnt want to play with them anyway.I was bad at maths too and used to dread when the teacher would pull me up on something as it went in one ear and out the other.When i started secondry school things changed i had guys fancy me and lots of friends.Went out with the popular guys things were great... then hit 20 and had my first serious relationship.He introduced me to drugs like e we went clubbin in brum and i had the time of my life, i was a full time lifeguard and part time swim teacdher and happi.Decided to go to south america to learn spanish.Stayed with distant family and they were very strict and wernt keen on me goin out as strong cathlic... Went to my cousin grad party and smoked some south american skunk! next day i had terrible sa while eatin with her family.Thats how mine started My boyfriend left me and i bin single 2 yrs.When people say wheres your boyfriend i just make a joke like no time for one of those! Guys i do worry as im 25 and wan2 travel but i would like kids and the life my friends have.Hope to meet someone that is very understanding and lovely but in my town its clicky and everyone knows everyone........so any offers guys!!

 

[ColdAsIce]

I have never been confident, I use to gain confidence through my good friends when I was younger, but none of them are around anymore so confidence is very hard for me to gain and maintain. I was bullied alot through secondary school but I don't blame the bullies for destroying my confidence or self esteem as it was never there to begin with really.

I don't know alot of things contributed to who I am today but thats not to suggest that this is how I will stay for the rest of my life. I have already made some drastic changes and I am going to continue doing so until I am happy with my life and who I am.

 

[LittleMissScareAll]

I never had confidence either, and I've always had SP. :? But it didn't help to be told I was fat & ugly every day of my life. Now that's all I see when I look at my horrible self.

 

[Boundless]

Whats this confidence you people speak of :? heh people who treat you bad all the time must have problems them selves noone in there right mind would make others feel so bad.

 

[The_9th_passenger]

Whats this confidence you people speak of :? heh people who treat you bad all the time must have problems them selves noone in there right mind would make others feel so bad.

Aleluya brother! How right you are!

What's the reason for such a behaviour? What can justify treating others badly?

 

[The_9th_passenger]

When I was 4 I started school. The first week in school the teacher and the psychologist noticed there was something very weird in me. They met with my parents and told them my behavior was more similar to an animal than to a person. My parents then should have given me more love and taught me in order to be self confident but they instead started ignoring me and leaving me alone so I was always out in the streets playing with gipsy boys.
School mates used to call me "gypsy". I was always dirty, unclean, wild-like... my parents just didn't care. My father thought I needed to become more tough so he always was shouting at me and being very hard with me.

I was bullied by two different groups os guys when I was a child. Some of them where 5 years older than me so how was I espected to defend myself? And the worst is no one did ever anything to help me... NOT EVEN MY OWN PARENTS.
So that was it.
Maybe the problem was that I never was intended to be a tough guy but my parents put me in a situation that I needed to be tough. Hope you'll understand what I mean. I had to be tough but I'm not at all. And so that is the cause of my mental disorders also due to bulling and psychologycal maltreat .
I don't think I will be ever able to reach a reasonable confidence level. is it worthwhile to live? Only time will tell.

 

[dream_j]

Hey, 9th.... just to let you know, my childhood memories are kind of simular... especially the part about being expected to be tough...by my dad. I don't remember him actually telling me anything like "you can do it!", but he'd rather call me week/feeble all the time, and expected me to change i guess. Or ask me why i'm not playing sports...while he had hardly ever played soccer with me. I don't really balme him for that, ....he did it the way he could, but at that time it did hurt.