Hello,
I've been reading a lot of the threads on this forum, even the older ones. And the questions I keep asking myself are basically: "Do I belong here?" and "Where am I going?".
I (23) have had issues with anxiety for about six years. But I don't really have issues talking to strangers or even meeting new people - I even enjoy talking to new people. But the thing is: While I like meeting a number of new people, I don't really like to hang out with them. People do invite me to social gatherings, but I immediately reject most invitations I get - and I don't really know why. The only invitations I am at least a little bit likely to accept are small gatherings with a few friends, maybe a small pub. But parties and concerts, I will avoid at all cost. When I don't avoid them, I'll start feeling uncomfortable days or even weeks in advance. And when feeling uncomfortable I can't concentrate or study. However, I'm not really sure if I want to change. I don't feel like I'm missing out on something when not going to parties or concerts. By the way, I did not have any issues with parties when I was younger. In fact, I went to parties on a regular basis - that's probably why I have at least a slight idea of what I am not missing out on. One thing I found out: I have fewer issues going someplace where I don't know anybody. I even had an uncomfortable feeling when I was taking the train to see my mother for Christmas way in advance.
However, what I do miss, like most people here, is female companionship. I have already had three relationships, but the last one I had was almost six years ago. Since then, my symptoms have gotten worse. I can't ask anyone out. But the thing is: I'm not afraid of being rejected. I'm fine with that, I'll get over it. I'm afraid of not being rejected. When I'm attracted to someone, I get extreme nausea, up to the point where all I can really do is RUN. I remember I girl to whom I was attracted to. We were out with her whole family for dinner, and in the process she asked me to go to a party with her later on. I immediately said yes. Nausea. I was unable to do anything and I had to reject the invitation in front of her whole family once I came back from the restrooms. She looked so disappointed and hurt, I will never forget. I was so embarrassed. Back at home, I even had to throw up. These days, I even get nausea just thinking about being on a date with someone.
So I guess my question is: Can anyone relate? Is this the kind of stuff you have been experiencing? As I said, I don't really have problems talking to new people (excluding women I'm attracted to). Another thing I'm afraid of: Will this slow down or even destroy my career? Right now I'm still at university, even a very good one. I'm planning on getting a Masters. Anxiety, especially the women-related one, makes me incapable of studying or concentrating. Contrariwise, the urge to experience love and companionship distracts me very often when studying. I'm also afraid of instinctively choosing to do something "easier". Something where I will not have to cope with my anxiety issues too much.
Thank you for time. I'd very delighted for every answer.
I've been reading a lot of the threads on this forum, even the older ones. And the questions I keep asking myself are basically: "Do I belong here?" and "Where am I going?".
I (23) have had issues with anxiety for about six years. But I don't really have issues talking to strangers or even meeting new people - I even enjoy talking to new people. But the thing is: While I like meeting a number of new people, I don't really like to hang out with them. People do invite me to social gatherings, but I immediately reject most invitations I get - and I don't really know why. The only invitations I am at least a little bit likely to accept are small gatherings with a few friends, maybe a small pub. But parties and concerts, I will avoid at all cost. When I don't avoid them, I'll start feeling uncomfortable days or even weeks in advance. And when feeling uncomfortable I can't concentrate or study. However, I'm not really sure if I want to change. I don't feel like I'm missing out on something when not going to parties or concerts. By the way, I did not have any issues with parties when I was younger. In fact, I went to parties on a regular basis - that's probably why I have at least a slight idea of what I am not missing out on. One thing I found out: I have fewer issues going someplace where I don't know anybody. I even had an uncomfortable feeling when I was taking the train to see my mother for Christmas way in advance.
However, what I do miss, like most people here, is female companionship. I have already had three relationships, but the last one I had was almost six years ago. Since then, my symptoms have gotten worse. I can't ask anyone out. But the thing is: I'm not afraid of being rejected. I'm fine with that, I'll get over it. I'm afraid of not being rejected. When I'm attracted to someone, I get extreme nausea, up to the point where all I can really do is RUN. I remember I girl to whom I was attracted to. We were out with her whole family for dinner, and in the process she asked me to go to a party with her later on. I immediately said yes. Nausea. I was unable to do anything and I had to reject the invitation in front of her whole family once I came back from the restrooms. She looked so disappointed and hurt, I will never forget. I was so embarrassed. Back at home, I even had to throw up. These days, I even get nausea just thinking about being on a date with someone.
So I guess my question is: Can anyone relate? Is this the kind of stuff you have been experiencing? As I said, I don't really have problems talking to new people (excluding women I'm attracted to). Another thing I'm afraid of: Will this slow down or even destroy my career? Right now I'm still at university, even a very good one. I'm planning on getting a Masters. Anxiety, especially the women-related one, makes me incapable of studying or concentrating. Contrariwise, the urge to experience love and companionship distracts me very often when studying. I'm also afraid of instinctively choosing to do something "easier". Something where I will not have to cope with my anxiety issues too much.
Thank you for time. I'd very delighted for every answer.
You belong here!