When to cut people out of your life...

[xtina_fan81]

Im kinda stuck. My SA in itself hasnt even got me down recently, prob because i havent been in many situations where i meet new people which is when its worst, so ive kinda had some time off of it. My problem is, im feeling the effects of what its done to my social life. By my age, people have their little group, they know who they're friends are, as far asi can see anyway. Theres some girls that I hav tried and tried with cause i used to hang out with them but kinda stopped, a few us drifted but now they've become friends again, but ive never been involved. I knwo people grow apart, but with me its almost like ppl just lost interest and its only me that ends up missing out while the others keep contact. Theyve never asked me to go out or do anything, basically havent shown any interest in me or my life, unless i talked to them first. Anything ive tried to plan hasnt worked out, and ive tried and tried. yet they always seem to go out with each other. I keep trying, and i feel like im just holding onto something that isnt there. They have no idea that im so bothered by them not making any effort because its all me, i got this idea in my head that i could make things back to how they were, they ve all moved on and made other friends as well as still having each other, to them im just another person thats there every now n then,they have no reason to make effort with me because they dont see me as someone they should be doing tht with or have any sort of commitment to, they have no intention of maintaining any sort of friendship with me.
im not keeping at it because i care so much about them or really want THEM in my life, im just clinging onto any chance i might have of being able to go out and do things and having people to enjoy time with like everyone else seems to..
Because they clearly arent interested I was wondering if anyones been in a similar situation and wether i should just give it up and cut them out of my life, cos i cant take seeing them going on with their lives and being so interested with each other and not giving a cr*p about whats going on with me and my life...but i just cant seem to make that step to cut them out, I know that only ppl u need in ur life are r the ppl who need you, but i keep thinking what if one day soon they do choose to ask me if i wanna do something and include me and then I might have what ive been waiting so long for, but at the same time I just cant go on false hope anymore. Its kinda pathetic, but I do have all the time on my hands to think about it over and over..

 

[SilentType]

Its a pretty shitty situation that you're in here. I've experienced the same thing with just about all of my old friends except for two people. The reason this happens is because we've declined invitations to hang out so many times that people just take it personally. They think we don't want to hang out with them for some reason, when in reality we have a hard time "hanging out" with anybody.

It's like 95 percent of the people without anxiety don't recognize anxiety as a valid medical problem. People would honestly go on with their lives happily than hang out with mopey people like us. I don't really blame them to be honest.


Peace

 

[no1]

yea well. I've been in the same situation.

only... it's not that I've never declined any of their invitations. there were none in the first place.

One other problem I've had is that people seem to think I'm not a social/friendly person, therefore they have reason to reject me. But that is simply untrue. I've never really rejected any invitations.. I just haven't been the type to just hang out somewhere by myself because of my anxiety and lack of social skills, etc. or I simply don't have the time.

 

[faithnomore]

yea well. I've been in the same situation.

only... it's not that I've never declined any of their invitations. there were none in the first place.

One other problem I've had is that people seem to think I'm not a social/friendly person, therefore they have reason to reject me. But that is simply untrue. I've never really rejected any invitations.. I just haven't been the type to just hang out somewhere by myself because of my anxiety and lack of social skills, etc. or I simply don't have the time.

When i was younger, i was invited to clubs, bars, house parties, paintbaling etc. I rejected them all because i either didn't like one or two people in the group, and/or was too afraid to be around random people.

I knew that stuff wasn't for me, but these days i dont know many people, and get no invites. As soon as i rejected those social invitations, i think people hated me and thought i was a snob.

Its tough when you get to that point.

I dont understand why people cant just be friends (staying in, or somewhere relaxed) and not have to go out around loads of people!?

 

[SilentType]

I dont understand why people cant just be friends (staying in, or somewhere relaxed) and not have to go out around loads of people!?

As "social creatures," most humans seek out social interaction because they enjoy it. Why would these people want to hang out with people (like us) who hate socializing? All we do is put the brakes on other peoples' fun in social circumstances, so they choose to simply cast us aside and have fun with all of the other extroverted individuals.

I think this whole subject is something that we can't really feel bad about. It's just some of the baggage that comes along with having an anxiety disorder. It makes a lot of sense really - we simply put off the vibe that we don't want to be around people, so those people probably think they are doing us a favor by leaving us alone. We kind of create the whole situation for ourselves without even realizing it. Sure, it'd be nice if everybody accepted anxiety disorders as true medical conditions, but most people don't. and we have to accept that. At least until they stop being so ignorant toward us...


Peace


Peace

 

[xtina_fan81]

Im sure i have pushed peopleaway in the past, but recently ive been opening up to anyone who wants to come in, and simply no-ones interested!

I should really get rid of my facebookand recently ive been posting angry status uppdates for venting, one girl i dont really speak to anymore who was part of the "group" i used to hang out with decides to suddenly pop and tell me what i shouldnt be so negative all the time and my status updates are never happy blahblahblah. im thinking where the hell didyou come from? really annoys me when people just pop up to throw in their two cents, theres no offer of friendship or help in her comments, if there was she wouldvegone about it a different way. i just think, you have no intention of keeping proper contact with me or have a genuine interest in me as a person, soplease piss off. why should I suddenly listen and understand to someone whos never been there or done the same for me and deserted me like everyone else has?

 

[Quiet Angel]

Yes. I've been experiencing the very similar situation... one of my best friends from childhood hasn't been expressing very much interest in me & whenever we'd spend quality time, I'd always be making the phone calls, the time/place, and other arrangements. Even through conversations, I bring up what I'd like to discuss most and I'm often "ignored" and eventually, she only talks about herself. Throughout the years, I've been verbally and slightly physically abused from her, and I'd still hold on, strongly hoping the connection would maintain but apparently not, no matter how interested I appeared in her, no matter how kindly I treated her, nothing was effective and everything was futile. Recently, there was a group of friends who were like this aswell, and now I only have a few remaining. It's a big loss, but I'm happy now because I can focus on those who truely care for me. Hopefully this will be the same case for you.

 

[ApRiLGeTsAngry77]

I have found that I need to have low maintenance friends. That meaning that I don't have to call them on a regular basis or talk to them on a regular basis. I think it is possible to have low maintenance friends. Friends that will just go with the flow and not demand much. My best friend is a low maintenance friend.

 

[sorrow1]

I think you should consider cutting people out of your life when their not helping your situation. I had a lot of friends at uni that i lost due to deppresion. In some ways they were the ones that caused my deppresion. When I was depressed and socially anxious i would freeze and be unable to respond to comments and so i would be made fun off all the time because they knew i wouldnt come up with a witty response to defend myself with. They would also not make any eye contact with me when in group converstaions and everything would be directed at someone else which made me feel shitty. I always had to make the effort to be included aswell and eventually felt like a tag along.

In the end i dumped them and hung around with the more introverted people after uni because they understood and accepted me better. I felt more myself and more confident. I used to follow the more extroverted people because they were the so called cool people but in reality they made me feel worse and getting rid of them has helped me overcome sa because i now have people who help me and make me appreciate my own diversity and individualism.

If people dont wanna make the effort with you and your always the one making the effort then they're probably not worth it. I personally think its much better to be popular in a group of unpopular people than it is to be unpopular in a group of popular people.