What's wrong with me?

[CosmicNeurotica]

Wow. Where to begin.
I don't know what's going on in the world, but people only seem to relate to you or like you if you A: have a good sense of humor, B: talk about what they want to hear, C: there is no C, it's only A or B.
I'm having a hard time connecting. To be honest, it's mostly with girls. I can get along fine, but in the end, they leave. They want nothing to do with me.
The only girls I can stay friends with it seems are the ones I don't flirt with. Am I flirting too hard? Is that a turn off?

My question really is one of psychology. What am I doing wrong, being myself, that makes a girl cringe or step away after awhile, with someone I want to connect with?

I think having aspergers exacerbates the problems, but in the end, I'm 30 years old, and have never had anyone stay my friend for longer than a couple of years. The only friends it seems I can keep are ones who I have no romantic interest in.

So what am I doing wrong? Why won't anyone love me? I just want to be your friend.. I just want to share my experiences with you and want you to share yours with me. But no one seems to give a ****.

I'm beginning to think I'm a pathetic loser for life, and the fact that I think that and say that is a reason I will never end up anywhere in life.

But if I had the tools to show my true self instead of getting drunk all the time to hide my faults, maybe I'd get somewhere. I just don't see that happening. If this keeps up, I will end it. I can't take much more. I've gone through this for too long. Rejection is killing me.
I'm not a bad person. You just have a life, whereas I don't. I'm sorry for bothering you...

 

[CosmicNeurotica]

Thanks Latte.
Keyword being therapist. I know I need one. I don't have anyone to really talk about this stuff with. I know you all will give your opinions and fine advice, but I really should see a therapist.
My only problem is, it's hard for me to get out. It's hard to even search for someone. I see a list of prospects, and I think ok who's right for me. Where do I need to go. Will they really get me? How can I explain myself?
I give up too easily bottom line. I think I can handle it myself, when I really can't.
And my situation just gets worse and worse.

As far as friendship and relationship, I feel there's a fine line there. When it comes to the opposite sex (in my case). I wear my heart on my sleeve, and fall in love easily. Maybe that's part of my problem. I love too easily. I'm too open to new ideas. I love everyone too much.
But why is that a fault? It shouldn't be.
My problem is, I can love you, but you can't love me.

Yes, I do want a relationship. But I want friends too. Friendship is more important to me at this point, but it seems my mind saying "relationship" tries to win over.

 

[Paahi]

Everybody has a life.

 

[kihira]

But if I had the tools to show my true self instead of getting drunk all the time to hide my faults, maybe I'd get somewhere..

Cosmic, I think this is a probable cause of your connections with others failing. If only one person in a room has been drinking, then that person can come across poorly to the rest. Drinking can cause different aspects of ones personality to come out - in a pub or bar with other drinkers this isn't a problem as everyone is in the same mindspace - but drunk person + sober person simply doesn't work. I know this from my own experience as a phobic person who used to need to get drunk to survive socialising. You do come across as being a good-hearted person, but its fairly obvious when anyone comes on the forum under the influence. Dont give up, you're only just beginning :]

 

[Pearldaffodil]

I have a son with aspergers syndrome when he likes a girl he tends to come on real strong and he scares them off. He then gets discouraged and does not try at all. I make him aware of this. You may want a trusted friend observe you and give you feedback. It may help. Unlike you he is not able to maintain any friendships for very long because he does not continue communicating with people.

 

[Richey]

you seem normal above average to me by what you've described here, i usually say nothing to people these days or very little which leads to zero friendships, but i just think i'm not very good at being funny or interesting under pressure around people which is usually at work or around groups of people when i'm never relaxed.

 

[CosmicNeurotica]

Thanks everyone for the great responses.

I want to say Phocas hit it on the button. The thing is, I also have these problems sober. Difference being if I'm sober, I'm less prone to speak, and in fact think I'm able to think more clear after some alcohol in the bloodstream.

I don't know.
I went out this morning, and it felt so strange going by all the places I used to go years ago. Where I hung out. The times I actually had to get up in the morning and had some place to go. It's a strange feeling really.

I just think the lack of exposure is messing with my head. That, the environment and people I have to deal with every day, and my absolute deprived state of having no one to share my thoughts and feelings with, as well as not being able to express them correctly.

Anyway, you all have made me feel a lot better. For the moment anyway, perhaps until I drink again tonight and do it all over again.

 

[thegunners21]

I can relate to you cosmic. I am almost exactly the same way.
One thing that pisses me off is when people say 'just be yourself', well being myself doesn't effing work. I am a big turn off i guess.