What's wrong with me? long post.

[AMunk3y]

Sorry for the long post. But i feel like it's necessary for you to understand my situation.
Anyways,

My situation is killing me recently. I transferred to my University over a year ago and have not made many friends; just acquaintances, people i chat with like my roommates and classmates.
So i started to think maybe I'm introverted, but i read that introverted people get energy from being alone, and it's the opposite for me. I HATE being alone, i get depressed and want to go out and have fun with others. I feel like i am the outgoing type because i feel like i am naturally loud and chatty and really want to be having fun with others.
I want to talk to go out way more often and meet a lot of people, but it just seems that i don't. It's really frustrating.

When i am introduced to someone, by a friend or something, i am not shy at all. I am funny and at full ease and I have no problems talking with anyone and i am very open. People who meet me usually say how i am so awesome because i am so loud and speak my mind (usually something funny). I love it too. I wish that every day could be like this. People in general really enjoy being around me.

I am also teaching a soccer class at my university (i teach university students my age or older how to play soccer). I am confident and funny with them and have no problem whatsoever. I actually enjoy it.

Yet, i find myself in my room most of the time wishing i could be out with friends or people having fun. The thing is, which is what i don't understand, is that i don't know what to do, or actually afraid, to get out and meet people.
Because i transferred in, everyone had already made friends and it seems like i don't fit in anywhere. I'm always worried that people would think, "wow, he's alone" or "he has no friends". When i'm walking around campus alone, i also feel like people are thinking "weird kid, he's walking alone" or something like that.

A great example is today. There is a homecoming football game in 30 minutes (a huge event). Everyone is going but i'm not.
Why? Noone asked me to go so who do i go with? i feel like if i just show up i'm going to be sitting by myself and people are going to be looking at me again thinking "wow, he's a loner".

I usually go to all the home soccer games (alone) because not many people go so i think that the chance someone from my classes is there is low and i sit far away from the student section hoping no one sees me alone.

In these cases, i feel like i should just go to the game and approach the people watching and talk to them but again, i feel like they would think "what's this random kid doing here by himself trying to talk to us."

Even when i'm in my room, i feel like my roomates are thinking, "does this kid ever go out" or "does he have any friends"

I think social phobia is fear of social situations, but i don't fear the social situation as in talking to people. Like i said, i am really comfortable talking to anyone. An example is a friend asked me to play flipcup with him on thursday. I went, and we played like 3 hours and then went to some bars with him. My friend didn't even introduce me to anyone but I met a lot of people and talked a lot. Since i was there already, i didn't fear being made fun of for being alone since i knew the kid. So i randomly talked to a lot of people (honestly, i had like full out life conversations with at least 20 people i didn't know) and had a great time. This was all because i wasn't afraid of being made fun of for being alone since i wasn't.

I'm not really sure i'm making any sense here to be honest. To sum it all up, i guess what i'm trying to say is that i feel like i am outgoing and i want to be out having fun, but i find myself being not doing so because i don't have many friends and i can't seem to make friends because i don't want to be made fun of for being alone.

so, what exactly is wrong with me? Is it still part of social phobia? is it something else?

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Well, it sounds like you are an outgoing person, but that is counteracted by your social anxiety. You have all of the skills to make a conversation, but you can't start it out of fear. What you need to do is fight that fear and approach someone; you said that you have acquiantances that you talk with, so approach one of them and start a conversation with them. Talk about their/your hobbies, plans, or problems and you should make friends in no time.

Whenever there's an event, just go by yourself if no one asks you. You'll probably meet someone when you get there or you can talk to someone there yourself. Don't worry about what everyone is thinking; they're most likely not even thinking about you or they understand because they've done the same thing once before. Either way, they won't mind you.

 

[AMunk3y]

you know you are absolutely right. I need to stop thinking that everyone is thinking about me all the time. Harder said than done though
Been trying to do that for a while with no luck.

 

[Fighter86]

You seem to have no problems starting conversations and making people like you, what I'm not understanding is why people don't ask you to join them. Maybe they already think you have loads of friends?

 

[Dj SL]

you are extrovert, but I think there's a social discomfort. Maybe you're a social phobic extrovert.Social phobia could be a fear of a specific or a few social situations. In this case, I think you don't want to be observe by people who knows you for the reason that you're alone. But you don't have any trouble if strangers observe you. This happened to me too.
In conclusion Social phobia could be only a fear of a specific social situation; on the other hand avoidant personality disorder is a fear of all social situations in general.

 

[Dj SL]

I'm nobody to tell you what to do. I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist but I know what is social phobia, the thoughts, the feelings, the behaviors, the treatments.

You can start with cognitive restructuring therapy: the process to change your irrational thoughts to rational ones.

you can work on that you only need a notebook and a pen.

Write your irrational thoughts and change them to rational thoughts.

Do it everyday; it works.

 

[-lonestar-]

maybe you can invite people you know, or join activities where you can make friends, ask them to hang out with you.

Seems that you got good social skills you just need to use your cell phone and talk to them and make plans.

ofcourse I just suggest this, because I theorize what I've yet to try. I know the feeling of discomfort in being places alone, but seems everyone invites friends to events, it's the only logical thing I can think of.

 

[AMunk3y]

You seem to have no problems starting conversations and making people like you, what I'm not understanding is why people don't ask you to join them. Maybe they already think you have loads of friends?

I don't know. I really don't. I mean i do get asked to go out sometimes, but it's actually odd now that you mention it that i don't get asked much more often.
People always seem to like me, ask for my number, etc.
A few days ago i went out with a friend to a party and some random dude came up to me and was so happy to see me hugging me and ****, and i was like ???. This dude was acting like i was the greatest person on earth.
Another guy, at the same party, said he should invite me more often because i'm fun to be with.
But why they don't call me, i have no idea

you are extrovert, but I think there's a social discomfort. Maybe you're a social phobic extrovert.Social phobia could be a fear of a specific or a few social situations. In this case, I think you don't want to be observe by people who knows you for the reason that you're alone. But you don't have any trouble if strangers observe you. This happened to me too.
In conclusion Social phobia could be only a fear of a specific social situation; on the other hand avoidant personality disorder is a fear of all social situations in general.

Yea, i guess so.

I'm nobody to tell you what to do. I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist but I know what is social phobia, the thoughts, the feelings, the behaviors, the treatments.

You can start with cognitive restructuring therapy: the process to change your irrational thoughts to rational ones.

you can work on that you only need a notebook and a pen.

Write your irrational thoughts and change them to rational thoughts.

Do it everyday; it works.

Does it really work? I mean i've been trying to change my thoughts for like 2 years now and nothing
I will try it though, hopefully it helps
But when i write my irrational thoughts, like for example "People are probably thinking i'm a loser for being alone"
how do i change this to a rational thought?

maybe you can invite people you know, or join activities where you can make friends, ask them to hang out with you.

Seems that you got good social skills you just need to use your cell phone and talk to them and make plans.

ofcourse I just suggest this, because I theorize what I've yet to try. I know the feeling of discomfort in being places alone, but seems everyone invites friends to events, it's the only logical thing I can think of.

I would, but the problem is that where do i invite them to? In my uni, the only thing people really do is go to frat/ dorm parties. Seeing as i'm not in a frat and don't really have that many friends, it would be really hard to invite people to anything.

 

[muxmux]

Correct dude, people are selfish, they only truly care about themselves. Why would they care and think of you all that much when all that matters is their own skin? Hope you got my point, now go out and live.