Whats my problem ? (Girls)

n12345

n12345

Member
Heres my life i just feel like writing about it.

up until about 6th grade it seems like i was just "living". no worry no anything haha. Then 7th and 8th grade I got more popular because our school was pretty small and life was good. I knew everyone. But I could not for the life of me come to have a girlfriend. Girls liked me and I knew it because I talked to them on the internet and phone alot I just feared the idea of having a girlfirend... I dont know if its the public display of hey im with her or what but I just avoided it at all costs! They said they dont know why i freaked out around them at school.

And at dances I never danced with any girls I have no idea why i went. Its like the desire was there but I just never did? I dont know what I was worried about... well this followed me in high school... and it probably wouldnt of its just that I always thought well since you didn't have a GF in middle school you won't get one in high school. I have no idea? Then finally a girl started talking to me... it was good until I started panicing every time i saw her and i had severe anxiety when I was away from her I have no idea why its like i was in a hurry to get the relationship in full swing. It caused me to sweat uncontrollably and that made me even more embarassed to be around her. Now im here...

I know the secret is confidence... its just like no mater how high my confidence is, i always shoot myself down.

Now i have did stuff with girls, but I forced myself to do it because I thought it would open me up more. It helped alot but I still have that fear in me idk why. And yes I WANTED to do this stuff with girls but I had just always been afraid of making a move.

I'll add something else... I think im getting over this part of my prob but with that last girl I was talking about I got so obsessed over her in like a short amount of time and it causes severe stress and I had like hot flashes all the time from panicing I guess? i think its cause I hadnt had a gf in a while to that point and I wanted it to work... but i just made it WAY worse.

What should I do? Its like the only way i am truly normal and happy is if im not worrying about girls!
 
bubblegumbg

bubblegumbg

Member
Go at your own speed. There's no reason to rush into anything you're not ready for. You're talking to girls on the phone and online, so you're already further than a number of others. And they're talking to you, so that alone should tell you that they like you. If you can remind yourself of that, it may help you to relax around them.
If confidence is an issue, do something that makes you feel really good. Listen to up beat, fast, energetic music. Exercise. Put a little extra effort into your wardrobe. When you do something for you, to make yourself feel good, others will notice.
It sounds like you have female friends? There's no need to worry about dating them. Again, go at your own pace. Get to the point where you're comfortable being around them as friends. Then work into it.
P.S. it's okay to get obsessed with someone new. We all do at some point. It's the lust part of the relationship.
 
Psychedelicious

Psychedelicious

1
Yeah, I agree that you don't have to move so fast. There is defintely something making you really uncomfortable and blocking you from making what you want happen. Maybe you need to set your mind on other things, and not obsess about this subject, even if it's something you really want bad.
 
Chriswinnipeg

Chriswinnipeg

Active member
I have the same problem. I want a relationship but at the same time I get scared to have one. Maybe you are scared of a controlling relationship or not having your own space or scared of not being the perfect partner. Those thoughts always lets me down. I think I have somewhat "relationship" ocd.
 
ripewithdecay

ripewithdecay

Well-known member
It's always nerve-racking at first, that's what makes it so special. But remember, it's just a friendship, but moving one step closer. Remind yourself this is a good thing, not a bad thing. Obsession is all a part of the process. If you aren't kinda obsessed with a potentially new g/f at first, you probably shouldn't date her!
 
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