Anonymous
Well-known member
Hey everyone, just found this forum...so glad you're here!!! 
For us social phobics, probably one of the things we're told most often is that "no one is staring at/laughing at/ judging you". My question is, what do you do when you discover that total strangers are making it unmistakable that they're laughing at you or otherwise making it clear that they think you're an idiot?? This has been a problem for me for years, and to be honest it has twarted any steps toward recovery I might have. Meds and therapy have not been able to explain why this happens, and neither one have, unfortunately, been able to stop the fear.
I'll give you an example that happened today. I went shopping at a major chain discount store, and since I am currently unemployed (was laid off from my job in HR last October, and have had plenty of interviews but no offers) I took my time and wasn't in a rush to shop. My SP causes me to have extreme feelings of unease in public places like this, but I try to force myself to go in the hopes that exposure will help...that, and I needed new socks :wink:
Anyway, as I'm browsing around the store, I run into the very things that have made my shopping trips so stressful--other people. I pass one couple three times as I browse...the first time, we make brief eye contact, and I see the woman of the two look at me, look at her boyfriend/husband, and CLEARLY, UNMISTAKABLY scoff and roll her eyes as though to say, "what a freak". THe other two times, the man of the couple is staring a disgusted hole through me.
While there, some store employees get on the intercom and say "security please scan section E, zoom in" several times...obviously someone was caught shoplifting. I know its not me, but some store employees are following me around; I'm thinking, "I must look so nervous, they're thinking that I'm shoplifting!" (Which, of course, makes me even MORE frightened and embarrassed).
Finally I get to the counter. A young girl scans my things, and I worry about shaky hands while writing my check. Meanwhile another young girl (another employee) is giving me the a very harsh, very fixed stare, kind of like the look you get when you're trying to hold in a scoff or giggle. I try to shake it off, but I happen to look over my shoulder as I'm dropping my cart off in the corral and see that she is STILL staring at me point blank, and even pointing in my direction to another employee nearby.
This kind of thing happens almost EVERY SINGLE TIME I go out to a store, supermarket, etc. I've also lost jobs that have to do with the public because I would get so upset at what people would do/say to me, terrible things. I have worried myself almost literally sick worrying and trying to figure out what is wrong with me, why people react to me this way. I dress "normally" (no strange colors or styles), and don't have weird hair, piercings, or tattoos. I try so hard to appear normal to others, but all they seem to see is "idiot".
As you might guess, my self-esteem from all of this is now in the negative digits. It's simply too hard to say "you're seeing things that are not there", when they ARE there. How can I recover when things are like this???
For us social phobics, probably one of the things we're told most often is that "no one is staring at/laughing at/ judging you". My question is, what do you do when you discover that total strangers are making it unmistakable that they're laughing at you or otherwise making it clear that they think you're an idiot?? This has been a problem for me for years, and to be honest it has twarted any steps toward recovery I might have. Meds and therapy have not been able to explain why this happens, and neither one have, unfortunately, been able to stop the fear.
I'll give you an example that happened today. I went shopping at a major chain discount store, and since I am currently unemployed (was laid off from my job in HR last October, and have had plenty of interviews but no offers) I took my time and wasn't in a rush to shop. My SP causes me to have extreme feelings of unease in public places like this, but I try to force myself to go in the hopes that exposure will help...that, and I needed new socks :wink:
Anyway, as I'm browsing around the store, I run into the very things that have made my shopping trips so stressful--other people. I pass one couple three times as I browse...the first time, we make brief eye contact, and I see the woman of the two look at me, look at her boyfriend/husband, and CLEARLY, UNMISTAKABLY scoff and roll her eyes as though to say, "what a freak". THe other two times, the man of the couple is staring a disgusted hole through me.
While there, some store employees get on the intercom and say "security please scan section E, zoom in" several times...obviously someone was caught shoplifting. I know its not me, but some store employees are following me around; I'm thinking, "I must look so nervous, they're thinking that I'm shoplifting!" (Which, of course, makes me even MORE frightened and embarrassed).
Finally I get to the counter. A young girl scans my things, and I worry about shaky hands while writing my check. Meanwhile another young girl (another employee) is giving me the a very harsh, very fixed stare, kind of like the look you get when you're trying to hold in a scoff or giggle. I try to shake it off, but I happen to look over my shoulder as I'm dropping my cart off in the corral and see that she is STILL staring at me point blank, and even pointing in my direction to another employee nearby.
This kind of thing happens almost EVERY SINGLE TIME I go out to a store, supermarket, etc. I've also lost jobs that have to do with the public because I would get so upset at what people would do/say to me, terrible things. I have worried myself almost literally sick worrying and trying to figure out what is wrong with me, why people react to me this way. I dress "normally" (no strange colors or styles), and don't have weird hair, piercings, or tattoos. I try so hard to appear normal to others, but all they seem to see is "idiot".
As you might guess, my self-esteem from all of this is now in the negative digits. It's simply too hard to say "you're seeing things that are not there", when they ARE there. How can I recover when things are like this???
