KevVversion1
Active member
I have had social phobia since the age of about 14 which finally led to me chucking in my A level and shutting myself away for 6 years. I cut myself off from all friends and family and only went out once every 2 weeks to sign on, which used to really stress me out because I hadnt had my hair cut in years (to scared of going to barbers) and was embarressed about having long hair that was a mess. I never got any help at all because I just thouht I was some freak and everybody would think I was being stupid if I said anything. I never saw anything about it on TV so assumed I was the only one. Even when I got the internet I never even researched it then because I never knew what to search for as again I assumed it was just me being stupid. Anyway through the internet I started meeting a few people but had to drink heavily to see them (I had never previously drunk alcohol as I was so naive I never even knew what the affects were)... anyway it was a drunken incident that happened whilst out with my new friends that finally led me to get some sort of help. I was beat up by 3 men because I was arguing with my gf after my so called friends made up lies to her that I was cheating etc (looking back they were just making fun of me and using me for money as they were college age and I was much older)... they were the first ppl I had been in a pub with aged 25 and I felt more comfortable with people that age as they were learning the same as me and so I had more in common with them.... when I went to the doctors after this I said I didn't go out because of the incident and they put me on Seroxat and said I was depressed. This incident with getting beat up was over 2 years ago and although it set me back I am now just at the same level I was before. I havent really taken the Seroxat because as long as I stay in an have my gf coming round every so often then I can get by without being too depressed and it tended to affect my sexual performance as well. It was only in the doctors waiting room that I read an article in a magazine about social phobia and by all the symptoms I realised it was what I had, it felt amazing to know I wasn;t the only one but when I told the doctor he said I was just depressed because of the attack and at the time I didnt want to say that I had it before incase it affected the incapacity benefit they had just put me on which was a huge relief after years of pretending that I was looking for work and having job center interviews trying to find work that I had no intention of doing.
I have recently decided that I have to stop using drink to try and be normal as evntually I end up giving up jobs bcause the drink takes it toll. I have to stay sober and visit my doctor, tell him he truth and get proper help. My symptons are mostly in my head although in some extreme social situations I will freeze and be scared to even move my hand for fear that somebody is watching, I shake a lot if holding something and failed a driving test because my leg was shaking so much so gave up on that. I will just go really quiet and over analyse my performnce and not hear what is being said and so not responding properly go silent and try and get out of there asap. I can normally put on a good enough act in most situations for people not to notice so if for example I get an unexpected phone call like I did last week from my old job then I will handle myself ok but if I had been expecting it I would of spent ages planning what I should say, writing it down trying to learn it and drinking and smoking before hand.
I did work as a postman for 4 years partime from 20 to 24 because job center were threating to stop my jobseekers allowance and it was only an hour in the office sorting the I was outside and generally felt free from being trapped into an unescapable embarrassing situation. I didn't make any friends there as I ended up ignoring the only people that did chat to me so everybody just thought I was really rude and ignorant rather than shy. I always come accross like I dont care as a defence mechanism to make myself totally unapproachble. I hated every day of it but somehow got through it because I was counting down the days to when I was going to leave.
So my situation now at 28 is that I have a fair bit of money saved from when I was working...I never went out and lived at home, no car so just saved it all in the hope I could one day get married and have kids etc. Well I am now in a situation where I have been with my gf over 2 years and we would love to get married but I have no job and she is sick as well so has left college... we have no way of affording anything as I dont want to waste my savings on rent as im hoping that will help with a mortgage one day. I am getting increasingly depressed at not being able to give her what she wants and what I want which is a happy life as a couple in our own house. Instead she has to come to my house everyday with my mum here and my sister (who is very mentally ill and needs the house quiet)...I have been banned from my gfs house for over a year now because I had to drink too much to see her parents and her mum didnt understand, she just thought I was an alcoholic. But because of the situation I am trying to get a job but keep getting too drunk at interviews and stuff and the other week was rolling around in the carpark at a cadburys chocolate factory completly drunk... my mum said I was close to being ran over. earlier this week I took back my old job in telesales because when im drunk I do ok on the phones... but this was a slightly diffrent role so being drunk I was making basic mistakes wit making appointments etc... so I left after 2 days...also I got so drunk the 2 nights I worked that I came home and lost over £1000 gambling... I had to leave after that it was ridiculous. If I stay home and just see my mum and gf I dont drink at all so im not an alcoholic although it took me about 3 months before I was comfortable enough with my gf not to drink.
sorry Ive ended up telling my life story I never planned to... I just have so many questions and dont know who to ask. What medication should I be on?...will Seroxat help if I take it properly?... Is there any help me and my gf can get to get a flat or house without using up all my savings?
I have recently decided that I have to stop using drink to try and be normal as evntually I end up giving up jobs bcause the drink takes it toll. I have to stay sober and visit my doctor, tell him he truth and get proper help. My symptons are mostly in my head although in some extreme social situations I will freeze and be scared to even move my hand for fear that somebody is watching, I shake a lot if holding something and failed a driving test because my leg was shaking so much so gave up on that. I will just go really quiet and over analyse my performnce and not hear what is being said and so not responding properly go silent and try and get out of there asap. I can normally put on a good enough act in most situations for people not to notice so if for example I get an unexpected phone call like I did last week from my old job then I will handle myself ok but if I had been expecting it I would of spent ages planning what I should say, writing it down trying to learn it and drinking and smoking before hand.
I did work as a postman for 4 years partime from 20 to 24 because job center were threating to stop my jobseekers allowance and it was only an hour in the office sorting the I was outside and generally felt free from being trapped into an unescapable embarrassing situation. I didn't make any friends there as I ended up ignoring the only people that did chat to me so everybody just thought I was really rude and ignorant rather than shy. I always come accross like I dont care as a defence mechanism to make myself totally unapproachble. I hated every day of it but somehow got through it because I was counting down the days to when I was going to leave.
So my situation now at 28 is that I have a fair bit of money saved from when I was working...I never went out and lived at home, no car so just saved it all in the hope I could one day get married and have kids etc. Well I am now in a situation where I have been with my gf over 2 years and we would love to get married but I have no job and she is sick as well so has left college... we have no way of affording anything as I dont want to waste my savings on rent as im hoping that will help with a mortgage one day. I am getting increasingly depressed at not being able to give her what she wants and what I want which is a happy life as a couple in our own house. Instead she has to come to my house everyday with my mum here and my sister (who is very mentally ill and needs the house quiet)...I have been banned from my gfs house for over a year now because I had to drink too much to see her parents and her mum didnt understand, she just thought I was an alcoholic. But because of the situation I am trying to get a job but keep getting too drunk at interviews and stuff and the other week was rolling around in the carpark at a cadburys chocolate factory completly drunk... my mum said I was close to being ran over. earlier this week I took back my old job in telesales because when im drunk I do ok on the phones... but this was a slightly diffrent role so being drunk I was making basic mistakes wit making appointments etc... so I left after 2 days...also I got so drunk the 2 nights I worked that I came home and lost over £1000 gambling... I had to leave after that it was ridiculous. If I stay home and just see my mum and gf I dont drink at all so im not an alcoholic although it took me about 3 months before I was comfortable enough with my gf not to drink.
sorry Ive ended up telling my life story I never planned to... I just have so many questions and dont know who to ask. What medication should I be on?...will Seroxat help if I take it properly?... Is there any help me and my gf can get to get a flat or house without using up all my savings?
