Hey to all. I am Lex, 28 from the UK.
I know i suffer from social anxiety but i have no idea why. I wanted to list some of the issues i have and get some input on what makes me the way i am.
Firstly, i suffer from HH of the face, back, groin and underarms. What started as something that happened just when i was hot or exercising now happens as when i am nervous or anxious. This really doesnt help with SA!
I am extremely conscious of how i look. I work out regularly and get most of what confidence i have from been a big guy. I would say its obsessive. I find it hard to function if my eating and training routine is broken up and at times i have let it consume my life, as i have done with other hobbies or fields of interest. My obsession has resulted in steroid use over the past 5 years, but i dont intend to use them again.
I dont really enjoy socialising as i am not very confident out of my comfort zone. If i have to go anywhere, say to a few drinks with a friend and 3 people i hadnt met before a few weeks ago, i obsess about it in my mind in the days and weeks leading up to it. Almost planning the entire night out before i get there. But if something unexpected happens, say 2 of them have bought their girlfriends, or they decide to get food before hand, i panic hugely more as its not something i feel prepared for. I can go very quiet when sat chatting in a group as i am constantly looking at myself through their eyes. What i say, what i am wearing, how i am sat. I am not great at talking with a few people looking at me. I dont know where to look myself and can begin to talk nervously, sometimes getting words wrong or showing physical symptoms such as face sweating or blushing. Making conversation seems such an effort as i am not one for small talk.
This can even happen with close friends or family now. I went to see my cousins new baby with family last week. She was passing it around to everyone who was having their pictures taken holding her. I was instantly hugely nervous as i hate having my picture taken, especially when other people are watching. I think i have a very awkward face when trying to force smile and i am massively self conscious of somebody saying something, or thinking its a bad picture. I do all i can to avoid having my picture taken unless i have a lot of control over the situation.
I dont find making friends hard and have a decent network of good friends. I just dont make much effort to see them. If i do i only prefer to do things when its just me and them, like 1 on 1 lunch or something. I almost always turn down social invites if i wont know many of the people there. Relaxing is way harder and i prefer to just spend time with people and places i feel comfortable. I also obsess a lot about places i go. I am never really open to compromise as i like to go to places i think are nice, relatively quiet and comfortable. I usually always try to sit in the exact same seat/table and i am hugely picky about going somewhere if i am going to have to sit say near a door, the bar, or where there are more people around.
I havnt had a gf since 2007. I get told a lot i am a good looking guy i just dont have the confidence or self believe to hold down a relationship. As i said above i like to spend more time on my own and i am very much a control freak socially, so compromise is something i find hard. Also dating brings with it a lot of social situations i am not good at. Like meeting her friends and family, and just the overall responsibility of been a good boyfriend, or even just been myself. Recently a friend tried to hook me up with one of his friends. She seems really nice, but i just talk myself out of it. Like i will look at her pictures on facebook, of say nights out, dinner parties, holidays, and then i put myself almost in the pictures with her and say "could i handle that situation?" The answer is usually no and its massively frustrating to keep turning people away. But i also question my motives. I think i am very shallow, often fantasising about just sex with women i meet and find attractive, almost obsessively. I watch pornography at least once a day and whenever i am involved in sexual intercourse its usually over in an instant. So i have a massive anxiety about having sex in the first place, something i havnt done for over 18 months now.
Really sorry to ramble on, i just dont really know what to do, or what course of action to take. My issues seem to be getting worse with time and i really need to find out what is wrong with me so i can get the relevant help.
Thanks guys.
I know i suffer from social anxiety but i have no idea why. I wanted to list some of the issues i have and get some input on what makes me the way i am.
Firstly, i suffer from HH of the face, back, groin and underarms. What started as something that happened just when i was hot or exercising now happens as when i am nervous or anxious. This really doesnt help with SA!
I am extremely conscious of how i look. I work out regularly and get most of what confidence i have from been a big guy. I would say its obsessive. I find it hard to function if my eating and training routine is broken up and at times i have let it consume my life, as i have done with other hobbies or fields of interest. My obsession has resulted in steroid use over the past 5 years, but i dont intend to use them again.
I dont really enjoy socialising as i am not very confident out of my comfort zone. If i have to go anywhere, say to a few drinks with a friend and 3 people i hadnt met before a few weeks ago, i obsess about it in my mind in the days and weeks leading up to it. Almost planning the entire night out before i get there. But if something unexpected happens, say 2 of them have bought their girlfriends, or they decide to get food before hand, i panic hugely more as its not something i feel prepared for. I can go very quiet when sat chatting in a group as i am constantly looking at myself through their eyes. What i say, what i am wearing, how i am sat. I am not great at talking with a few people looking at me. I dont know where to look myself and can begin to talk nervously, sometimes getting words wrong or showing physical symptoms such as face sweating or blushing. Making conversation seems such an effort as i am not one for small talk.
This can even happen with close friends or family now. I went to see my cousins new baby with family last week. She was passing it around to everyone who was having their pictures taken holding her. I was instantly hugely nervous as i hate having my picture taken, especially when other people are watching. I think i have a very awkward face when trying to force smile and i am massively self conscious of somebody saying something, or thinking its a bad picture. I do all i can to avoid having my picture taken unless i have a lot of control over the situation.
I dont find making friends hard and have a decent network of good friends. I just dont make much effort to see them. If i do i only prefer to do things when its just me and them, like 1 on 1 lunch or something. I almost always turn down social invites if i wont know many of the people there. Relaxing is way harder and i prefer to just spend time with people and places i feel comfortable. I also obsess a lot about places i go. I am never really open to compromise as i like to go to places i think are nice, relatively quiet and comfortable. I usually always try to sit in the exact same seat/table and i am hugely picky about going somewhere if i am going to have to sit say near a door, the bar, or where there are more people around.
I havnt had a gf since 2007. I get told a lot i am a good looking guy i just dont have the confidence or self believe to hold down a relationship. As i said above i like to spend more time on my own and i am very much a control freak socially, so compromise is something i find hard. Also dating brings with it a lot of social situations i am not good at. Like meeting her friends and family, and just the overall responsibility of been a good boyfriend, or even just been myself. Recently a friend tried to hook me up with one of his friends. She seems really nice, but i just talk myself out of it. Like i will look at her pictures on facebook, of say nights out, dinner parties, holidays, and then i put myself almost in the pictures with her and say "could i handle that situation?" The answer is usually no and its massively frustrating to keep turning people away. But i also question my motives. I think i am very shallow, often fantasising about just sex with women i meet and find attractive, almost obsessively. I watch pornography at least once a day and whenever i am involved in sexual intercourse its usually over in an instant. So i have a massive anxiety about having sex in the first place, something i havnt done for over 18 months now.
Really sorry to ramble on, i just dont really know what to do, or what course of action to take. My issues seem to be getting worse with time and i really need to find out what is wrong with me so i can get the relevant help.
Thanks guys.