What is social anxiety... Really?

[RedRibbons]

If any of you are anything like me. I'm sure you've analyzed the shit out of your anxiety problem. So, what have you concluded about your social anxiety?

I've concluded that..

I have a low self-esteem
I have low confidence
I think negative about almost all social situations
I fear any contact with people (except on my high days)
I can't communicate with people (strangers, family, friends) without worrying
I over analyze everything
I find it easy to talk about things that are "deep"
I find it difficult to talk about things that are not deep
I am very self-conscious
I think people don't really want me around
I think people regret asking for my company
I think I push people away, the more I talk
The more I talk, the more I worry about saying wrong
I question the things I say (am I lying, am I being ignorant)
I worry about whether or not I hurt someones feelings
I think people say they are okay, after I say something, but really they're not.
I don't believe people the first time they say something, or the 2nd or 3rd or 4th...
I constantly ask for reassurance
I understand things the first time, but I ask 300 million times.
I don't stop asking for reassurance until they say it and it sounds "right"
I get very nervous and blush (sometimes)
I think people can feel this magical vibe coming off me and it's telling them all my secrets
I am very nervous about opening up, truly, to people in case they tell other people.
I think once people get to know me, they want to take back things they've said to me, because they don't like me anymore.
I worry about silences, when talking
I worry about not having anything to say

...uhh I could continue but it's getting boring. LOL!

So what have you concluded?

Oh... and I think I'm self-absorbed in a very negative way...

 

[random]

RedRibbons,
Well I can say that I have at various times in my life agreed with most everything you wrote. I didn't think I had social anxiety because I can function in SOME WAYS but not in OTHER WAYS and I never know which one I am in.
Reading the boards and searching the web has given me the impression that there is no one cause that everything suffers from, and therefore no single cure that suits all.
I am finally getting over SA and for me, alot of it has been my past - the environment I was raised in. I had to reassess almost everything I thought I knew about my family and what they thought of me - changing beliefs that are based, so it seems, on objective experience is very hard and time consuming but well worth it. OTher people talk about an inspiring speaker or their own decison to 'break free' of their selfconciousness - and they triumpth - so again I am pointing to the fact that there are different causes and cures.
MIne stems from beliefs that were already forming by the time I was about 4 or 5 years old and then added to by all my later experiences that told me that I was not like everyone else, I was missing something etc. Almost 4.5 years of counseling I can finally see it but if you asked me a few years ago - I would say that I didn't know what caused but that it certainly ruins my life. For me - relief is acquired by piecing together the truth about who I really am and what my past was like. To do this - a supportive church and supprtive psychological counseling (which may include your counselor contradicting you on your past or your beliefs to where you get disgusted and want to leave) rip up the old beliefs and take stock of everything, let go of years of old guilt, and finally I can say that I am like other people. I have had a tough past that taught me that I was different and unworthy but now I can see for myself (not in some greeting card) that I am ok and like other people. ONce that began to take root (I am ok - I am human like everyone else - there's nothing wrong with me that a person can't have and be worthwhile) then I began to dread social interaction less, I began to speak up for myself a little more - I began getting over SA.

 

[skins]

..

 

[Vancouver]

Social anxiety exists due to exactly what your post was mainly comprised of: over-analysis. That's not to say that regular analysis is a crime, but that when one has social anxiety or shyness, they're plagued with thinking about it - over and over again.

I'm even beginning to notice that if I can keep my mind occupied, I can completely master my social anxiety. The trick is, though, actually letting go. Since we have this problem, we're plagued with the repeating thought process of being overly analytical. So the only way to break these chains is to NOT force our thoughts out, but to merely let them pass. Think of something better - but try keeping it off of the shyness mindframe. And fon't forget: thinking in contrast to shyness, is still a thought about shyness.

So get your mind off of yourself (and don't tell me this doesn't work, unless you give it a good, hard try first!). You could do this in many ways - go for a walk, jump in the tub with some lit candles, hang out with a friend... whatever tickles your fancy! It's just important that you keep your mind off of yourself, and away from the negative thoughts. Just for now anyway - none of this is permanent. It's just a form of mental exercise that can release your feelings when they become overbearing. Plus, you'll learn to control your feelings better in everyday life. And most of all, feel better about living in your own skin!

I know it's a huge post and a lot to ask, but give it a try - there's no way you're gonna regret this one!!

 

[RedRibbons]

Thanks for posting guys. And thanks for the tips. I am hoping more people post what they have concluded about their social anxiety or social anxiety in general.

lol, skins, I am also taking this list to my psychologist, and I too could add, "I feel suicidal because I think too much".

 

[sightofstars]

Hey RedRibbons, I've only recently realized I had any type of social anxiety, and doing research on SAD, the symptoms didn't seem to fit me, and many testimonials from people also didn't seem to match my situation. However, all those things you listed, that's EXACTLY how I feel a lot of the time. There are a few people I'm relatively comfortable around, and I too have my high moments where I'm not as worried, but I mainly don't feel all that good about myself, and I feel that it inhibits me and conceals the real me. I'm starting therapy tomorrow, but it feels better knowing that there's someone out there who feels pretty similarly. Thanks so much for sharing.

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

I have concluded that I can't trust my thoughts. Its gotten to that point. I now find that the only way to lessen my anxiety is to constantly wonder if my mind is giveing me accurate information.

A person looks in my direction and my first impression is to think the worst when in reality it might not even be me they are looking at. This anxiety is constantly causing us to see the world thru a distorted lense.

 

[nesh]

I have concluded that I can't trust my thoughts. Its gotten to that point. I now find that the only way to lessen my anxiety is to constantly wonder if my mind is giveing me accurate information.

Same here, I doubt my every thought. A lot of what's been said here seems to point to mistrust. We don't trust other peoples opinions or actions towards us and we certainly don't believe ourselves, else we'd be more confident.

 

[Butterflies]

Hi Red Ribbons - you describe my feelings. If you can there is a book you will really enjoy - it's called...

The Highly Sensitive Person - Copy In An World That Overwhelms You...

or something like that. All my books are packed away at the moment and I can't remember the author.

That book did change my life - it's not about social anxiety but I'm sure the two go together. You described things - like talking about 'deep' stuff etc. I'm sure you'll get something out of it.

If you do read it I would love to hear about how much you were able to explore within. It also taught me alot about the positives and how to "nuture" my sensitive self.

Let me know how you go.

 

[flake__]

"I feel suicidal because I think too much".

:lol: this made me laugh, sooo true, and doesn't it make you realise how mad it is!! Our over-analysis makes us so damn depressed, because we care so much about what other people think of us...we care more about what other people think than our own lives

 

[smyth]

hey guys, That list is 100% me. Its great uve listed all those problems, i have a doctors appointment 2mora and i may take this list in with me as i kno im gona get nervous when im explaining whats wrong with me and my mind goes blank so this list will be very handy indeed!