WHAT IS HAPPY? WILL I EVER BE HAPPY?

[Depressed4life]

I know i won't ever be happy or normal. I hate having social anxiety its ruining my life and so are my parents. It's their fault that i have this, i can't take it anymore. Why couldn't i be normal, be myself, be the center of attention, do great things with my young life, get myself a job and go out with my friends. I feel like i am 60 years old and i am only 16 years old. I am not looking forward to turn 18 or even 20, for what? its not going to be fun or anything. WHy did i get stuck with this social anxiety for? If it wasn't for this, i would had been a great person. If my parents would had been different, how i wish i could trade my life with someone else's.

I feel so numb, so empty and i feel this sensation in my head like something is moving, i can't explain.

 

[Psychedelicious]

what's wrong with your parents? What'd they do? If your parents are a big problem then maybe you should start looking more foraward to turning 18, because then you can finally get out. Even if they've done a lot of damage, there's still time for change. Don't give up so easily.

 

[Depressed4life]

..

The question should be..what haven't they done.
My parents have ruined my life. No going out, no communication, wanting me to act a certain way so people won't talk about us, trying me to be a perfect little girl, no teenage life, deprived me from having any type of social life, from having fun and being myself. They don't even give me money to buy me clothes when my father has a lot of money. I go to school with pants that are ripping off in between my legs because i use them everyday. My father is an As$hole, he is so rude for no reason. SHows no affection, i dont even speak to him but in the streets and to ppl out of this house, he is funny and nice. If i say a joke let say to my sister or my mother and i am not even talking to him, he would come and tell me to shut up. Pretty much they have fukked me up in the head. I have accepted that i am not lucky like other ppl, i dont want to be 18...NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to die now.

 

[Psychedelicious]

Why die now? You have plenty of years left so you might as well not spend the last time of your life being this miserable and unhappy. Well yeah it's bad what your parents have done to you, but don't look down on turning 18. You can get away from them, and never see your father ever again. Then you may able to start a new life, yeah it'll be really hard but it's a new start. I'm not saying you're going to get all better all the sudden when you turn 18, but then you can start trying and doing things on your own. Don't die now, there's plenty out there waiting for you.

 

[Depressed4life]

..

I feel like my life is already over. I see no future, all i want to do is die. TUrning 18 is not going to be good at all, i don't see how ppl get so excited to turn 18. I am not going to do anything that day just like i did when i turn 16, i wanted to die that day. You know what i did? I went to look for jobs on my birthday....

 

[Zarrix]

From all the sad times I get from hanging around other people, a lot of individual achievements make me happy. It is what keeps me going. But if I get a positive social situation which my mind cannot negatively scrutinise at all, it makes me really giddy. Very rare that happens though.

 

[aboterika]

dear

i have a magic treatment for your proplem .... i tried it .... it is really magic

you are a body and soul

the problem is you are trying to solve the problem by somatic issues like going out trying to deal with prople , thinking alot about the somatic symptoms ,.....etc

try to enrich your soul ...... try to have fun ...... to ask yourself what does my soul really need ..... you soul screems inside you for less diet you give to it

try to be good with it

2 weeks later I swear you will be another man

you will be able to be the star of a 2000 people party

just try

and tell me the results

good luck

 

[Danfalc]

Re: ..

I feel like my life is already over. I see no future, all i want to do is die. TUrning 18 is not going to be good at all, i don't see how ppl get so excited to turn 18. I am not going to do anything that day just like i did when i turn 16, i wanted to die that day. You know what i did? I went to look for jobs on my birthday....

Im sorry... i know you probaly dont want sympathy because it doesnt solve our problems.. but on like my 21st birthday i didnt do anything and i know how much it hurts because its ment to be a special day you go out with your mates or whatever.. but for us its just another reminder of everything were missing out on.

And thats messed up about your Dad especialy must really hurt seeing him be all nice when hes out and about... and knowing he can choose to be a nice person but then treats you like crap at home.Im sorry you dont have decent clothes either... i know how hard that can be and how nasty other people can be about it and how much they take the piss.But it isnt your fault.

I think you owe it to yourself tho to keep trying,life hasnt been good or fair to you and your obviously in alot of pain just tring to cope with your current situation.things arnt magicaly gonna get better one day.... but there are things you can do and try to make life better for yourself... it doesnt have to be like this for the rest of your life.

If you could get a job and move out.... buy the nice clothes you deserve and stuff... and get away from your Dad.Because i honestly think being round your Dad with how he is treating you... is sucking all your hope and self esteem away.Even if we hate our parents... theres still a bond there... deep down we still want them to be proud of us ect and while your still round him hes just gonna keep letting you down which is gonna make you feel horrible.

If you can get away from that and get your own place,with time you will be able to re-build what your Dads taken away from you x

 

[Kien]

Last year I turned 20, not party thing at all. I wont tell about birthdays to "friends" and such now more since they will be all "wtf no celebration?".

 

[Depressed4life]

..

Danfalc, i really enjoyed reading your post, thanks. I am so used to go not going out that when i do, i feel so tired and i wish i could stay at home for ever and ever. I have tried to look for jobs but nothing, so i just feel like i will never ever get a job. I really do want to work and get money but then again, i already feel the nerves and my anxiety level rising. I don't think i can do this by myself, i just can't do it. I don't understand when ppl say to fix your life and do this and that but how when you don't see no hope at all. Life is nothing but a BiTTCh, at least to me and i am so jealous of the few friends that i have that get everything they want. I have a 19 year old friend who has never worked and her father gives her everything and he also gets along with her and they talk and make jokes with each other. I would never be able to do that with my father, and if he was to ever change..its too late, i will never forgive him. I will never forgive my parents for making me this type of person. I just want to know one thing...WHY AM I ALIVE? WHY WHY, WHY COULDN'T SOMEONE ELSE HAD BEEN BORN IN THE PLACE OF ME. WHY COULDN'T I HAD DIED WHEN MY MOM WAS GIVING BIRTH TO ME?...WHY DIDN'T SHE ABORT ME JUST LIKE THE DOC TOLD HER BECAUSE SHE SUFFERS FROM HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE....WHY WHY WHY? WHAT STAR SHINE THE DAY I WAS BORN AND MARKED MY STUPID LIFE FULL OF CRAP.

 

[Depressed4life]

...

Last year I turned 20, not party thing at all. I wont tell about birthdays to "friends" and such now more since they will be all "wtf no celebration?".

Do you know why i was even more depressed that day? I asked my parents for a sweet16 and they said yes and made me get all excited and then.....they said NO. I knew it, i should had known that it was too good to be true, my parents are like fukkin anti social. THey are so full of crap, they said no because one of their family members said something. I was so excited!!!! you have no idea...

 

[Danfalc]

Re: ..

I really do know what your saying And i mean that im not just giving you the sympathy vote or whatever or trying to make you feel better.But yeah... im really struggling with my depression and anxiety and ive had cbt and therapy and all sorts.And people have told me i need to be posative... i need to force myself to go out and be around people... i need to force myself to eat ect ect ect But i just cant.. i want too but i just dont have the willpower to carry on anyore.So i know what you mean by wanting to work but just not being able too.Its a horrible situation to be stuck in.

But when your that down and depressed someone telling you to be posative is like trying to tell a blind man to see isnt it .So i really do know what its like to feel hopeless.The thing is tho over a long time and the hard way... ive found there is only a limit to what other people can do to help..if they even care, theres only so much the doctors and what not can tell us.It is down to us at the end of the day to make a change ourselves... i dont know how your supposed to do that yet i still trying to find the answer myself.

You say you cant do it by yourself? Maybe you dont have too?I mean you say you have friends cant you reach out to some of them or a boyfriend?Anyway im sorry i cant help more.... i really dont know what to say to be honest.But try and keep a bit of hope things can change... I was in a very simlar situation to you when i was younger,i dont want to go into details on here but i had a bad time at home too.I didnt think there would be an end to it... or that id ever leave home and get out from under my parents kinda cotroll and abuse.But i did... i know finding a job seems hard or moving out seems hard and impossible... but compared to the hell your going through at home hun its nothing.Youve put up with so much crap and pain at home and coped cos your still here...i think your alot stronger than you realise x

 

[Depressed4life]

..

Aww thanks. None of my friends know that i have social phobia i won't even bother telling them because you know that people will think that i am crazy or being over dramatic. My bf is in another country so there is no way he could help. Anyways, i feel really uncomfortable and i want to contact a psychologist and i have the number but i procrastinate all the time. I say i will call the next day and then i don't do it. Due to anxiety i spend my whole day in the bathroom urinating, i thought i had a bladder problem but i didn't know that it was my anxiety. It is really annoying and it bothers me because i pee every second. I don't know how to start with my life, i have no idea. I believe that if i don't seek for professional help i will be stuck like this forever but then again is embarassing to call. In my mind i want to get help and then my mind tells me, you already wasted your life, your life is garbage, you are unlucky, envy other ppl, get mad at the world and hate my parents. I just want to be happy and anxious free..... Thanks though.