What happens when your loved ones don't understand?

[marge808]

My husband is a wonderful, sensitive man, but lately I know my severe anxiety is grating on him, and his own social life. I feel incredibly guilty whenever I express my fears to him. He has almost always given in when I was too scared to go out. Now we have arguements about why I shouldn't be scared. I am already so isolated here, so far from my own friends and family. I sometimes think I really hate this state and hate this town and just want to go back to the islands...but it's not the location, it's the mindset. I want to develop a better attitude...but how can I start? Am so scared - and I am now thinking my husband isn't happy because of all my fears.

 

[shep]

Hi Marge, I was just wondering if you have shown him or are considering showing him this website in an effort to help him to understand you better. I think that if he were to read some of the personal stories and a number of threads in the forums, it may help him.
I'm not married but I find that I'm slowly becoming estranged from both of my brothers and other lesser family members. After first mentioning this problem to my brothers during the past several years, neither one has mentioned this again or asked me how I was doing with it. If they seemed interested, I would have shown them this site to hopefully give them a little more insight. I would think that your husband is interested in anything that concerns you so you may try this if you already have not.

 

[marge808]

Thank you - I have talked to him about my posts at this forum. I just feel horribly guilty that I am affecting his social interaction as well. ONE person with SA in the house is enough - I don't want to affect him. I feel my anxieties may drive him away.

 

[hiding]

My wife is about to kick me out. She has no patience or understanding. I can't talk about anything with her anymore. She just thinks I'm being stupid and should suck it up. Now she just picks on me that I never leave my studio.

back under my rock,
hiding

 

[scatmantom]

hey im not married and i dont even have any relationship experience, but i think that sitting down and explaining exactly what you are going through may be able to help. If not there is other help out there, like relationship councelling. I may be way off the mark there, but I just think it may be of some help.

 

[Mary]

It can be very hard on a relationship having Sp, I know. When I was married in the beginning I would feel alot like you Marge, like I was going to make him unhappy and how could we ever have a normal life when there was so much I couldn't do. At first I couldn't even eat in front of him for about a year into our marriage, this deppresion came over me and it was very very hard, but time passed and it got better..now there isn't anything I can't do in front of him! Even act totally silly! We've been married 8 years now and its all gotten better w/time.
But I had to understand that he may not ever fully understand me, even though he loves me, it is a hard thing to understand. I tell him now, even if you don't understand me, just help me anyway. Then I tell him how he can help me specifically. He isn't a mind reader, I used to think he was!
One last thing my hubby says helped him to understand me better is that I tell him to think about what he is most afraid of: for him it is hieghts, and tell him to think how he feels when he is high up then tell him that is how I feel walking out the door or going to the store, almost every day.
I think we are all afraid of something or other maybe ask your husband what he fears the most and then tell him thats close to how you feel so he gets it a little. Tell him its not something you can control just by willpower or you would have done so allready. Just speak from your heart and try to do it calmly w/out fighting, don't let it escalate into an argument. Both of you try to understand ea. other a little. Good luck and God bless you.