What do you think about _this problem_?

[mart22n]

Hello, everyone! I'm a new guy, aged 22. Short introduction: Started to feel SA at about the age of 14 (walking on the street was hugely nerve-wrecking), played MMORPGs during high school and first half of college instead of going out (don't do it, even I managed to nearly completely quit a year ago); nowadays I've done quite a bit of work to get enough social exposure and I'm feeling more and more "powerful" in social situations.
Tonight I decided I want to take the challenge and ask you, "experts" :wink: about an irritating problem happening in social situations: whenever there's a social event or when I'm simply going out with friends, there comes this thought "Everything would be OK if I didn't have SA right now. I must tell everyone here about it or else this day/night/etc would be a total failure." So my mind gets occupied with this crap, and my head starts to ache and I just feel terrible. When I've told people about the SA, well, I've felt great for some time for being that bold. But it's inappropriate to say it in any company, isn't it? The point is, the real anxiety I have is really small compared to the problem the thought about anxiety creates! :roll: Can you relate or give some advice? thx

Stay cool 8)

 

[sabbath92002]

Hi Mart22n, welcome to SPW!

I think we can all relate to our brains broadcasting warnings about our anxiety. In ACT (acceptance & commitment therapy) we call this "Clean Discomfort" versus "Dirty Discomfort". Clean discomfort is the anxiety we get in social situations, not much we can actually do about this. But dirty discomfort is what we get when we struggle against anxiety, when we are completely unwilling to accept the presence of uncomfortable feelings. So in ACT we focus on setting our "struggle switch" to off, which means we are willing to feel our anxiety rise and fall.

Expansion means opening up and making room for difficult feelings, urges and sensations – thereby allowing them to ‘flow through’ you without a struggle. You don’t have to like or want these feelings – you just make room for them and allow them to be there even though they are unpleasant. Once this skill is learned, if these feelings should resurface, you can rapidly make room for them and let them ‘flow on by’ – so you can invest your time and energy in doing meaningful life-enhancing activities, instead of struggling. Aim to practice at least once a day breathing into and making room for difficult feelings and sensations.

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