What do you tell people about your SA??

[terresap]

I was just wondering if anyone out there has trouble telling people about their SA?
I know that I have a hard time talking about it even to my husband and just thinking about telling someone what is wrong with me freaks me out. I would like to tell my 2 close friends about it but dont know how or if I could do it.
Has anyone got any advise?

 

[symbiosis]

Hi Terri

Firstly - how did Saturday go?? I've been wondering how it was for you....

I might just be a really private person - others might have different strategies, but I reckon "proceed with extreme caution" re telling people about your SA. I mainly keep it to myself.

Once it's "out there" you can't take it back, and people may treat you differently or even unintentially make you feel uncomfortable about it - who wants to be reminded all the time?? But, on the other hand, they might be really supportive and it could make your friendships closer. Depends on their maturity and experience in handling "flaws", both in themselves and other people....

Most people would also find it very hard to fully grasp what SA is all about (even we find it confusing sometimes!!) - they might just take a simple view that you have a "mental disorder" and view you in an unflattering way maybe??

Perhaps if you trust your friends, it can be a good thing to reveal about yourself - unfortunately I thought I could trust a friend enought to tell her and she later used it against me - very upsetting...

Would be interesting to hear other peoples' opinions/experiences of this.

Cheers, Helen

 

[Tris]

I also find it hard to talk about it and tell my friends about it, but my best friend knows everything, and im happy she does, because anytime im feeling down i know i could call her, she doesnt understand but she trys and she is trying to help me deal with it, which is good, if i call her and im like i cant do this..blah blah blah, she always pushes me to go father, she gives me the strenth to get through the day. Its just i good feeling when someone calls just to say hey, is everything okay? lets you know someone cares, u know what i mean? The support is great, thats something we all need, and coming from someone that your close to it makes it 10 times better

 

[terresap]

Thanks so much for replying Tris and Helen.
Im not sure now if to tell them or not. I dont know how they will react. I guess i will just talk about the subject and see what their reaction is first.

Helen thanks for askin about how I went on Saturday. I put a post in the 'Australia' section about Saturday. It didnt go well at all, I freaked out completely. I dont think im ready for a group self help, I should just do a one on one thing first or something. There was a nice man there who gave me some phone numbers of where to get help from proffesionals, I still have the numbers but havent phoned yet... im such a scardy cat. I will try ringing then soon.

 

[Anonymous]

Funny you say your such a scardecat..cause im such THAT, that i even use it as my user name :roll: But as far as what your asking, that is soooo hard cause i too am a very privat person. I HATE it when i go in for a therapy session and blab my head off and then leave feeling like, "why did i say anything.....thats my business." But on the otherhand, it's released my pressure that im keeping this deep dark secret, and now sometimes i amuse myself with my reactions, or should i say panic attacks, to unknown things. I have chatted with my dearest friend (who by the way, is my friend from childhood who knew me when this thing was just growing in me, and not manifesting itself too much) and that too has been a release. Not the fact that i get to talk about it, but it sort of lightned my load as far as "fearing" that i would have my phobias noticed. That puts more fear in me to see even her, so i flat out told her and laughed about them. Mind you, i still hide from this friend EVERY time she tries to make contact(we live hours apart now) but am always happy that she pushes her way back into my life. I know too, that after i post this, im gonna probably get all sad cause i "told my business" on here, but i do get over that cause im not a member so feel safer........That's bad i think, but for a long time i wouldnt post cause you had to be a member and i couldnt give personal info and still wonder how you all do that.... So, Im better some for telling, but obviously, am not comfortable either......Wow, guess im still quite a mess...Good luck, and hope i've at least made you feel not alone....

 

[Anonymous]

dude do not do it

keep it to yourself, i've made that mistake. People look and treat you differently. That is a guarantee they will do it. Because they have it in the back of their minds that "oh my this person has a mental disorder dont be around her".. all people might not think exactly like this but the something like it..they will be thinking something thats for sure. On the brighter side, you can tell maybe one or two of your closest people, they could be family members or a really good friend who will understand. other than that we are screwed man, i lost like more than a few relationships over this illness.

 

[terresap]

I still havnt told my 2 close friends. My husband thinks they will understand. I just think what will they think of me? Can I trust them to keep it to themselves? It will play in the back of my head everytime I see them. I have no family. I have a husband and 3 dogs and they are my family. I only just told my husband about my SA about a month ago. He was amazing about it, I was sure that he would think I was crazy and run a million miles, I am doing pretty well compared to when I was a teenager, my husband hasnt seen me at my worst so im not sure what he will think if things ever get that bad again. He now understands what my problem is and all the stupid excuses. Im really not ready to tell my friends about my 'problem'. Its a huge weight lifted off me to tell him but Im not sure about my friends reaction. So I guess Ill keep it in the closet.

I agree with mtango about people looking and treating me diffently. Thanks for that advice.

Hi scardecat, I seem to be the opposite of you... You can go and talk about your troubles infront of people but dont want to share here, I cant talk about it to anyone, it nearly fckn kills me to talk about it to my husband. But here is a posting in this forum is a differnt story, nobody knows me, they will never meet me, they cant find me in person, there is no eyecontact, i can sit here in my PJ's with messy hair and no make-up, they dont know my whole name, im anonymous here. Im still a bit funny about posting here and read my post a million times before uploading it. People here have the same troubles as you scardecat and we understand you, you can share here and we will listen and give advice and we will be here holding your hand.

Thanks for reading this post, it means a lot to me.

 

[Anonymous]

Hi again, and i too appreciate contact here. It was so very scarry the first post i did quite a while ago, and because of things you also said about looking or feeling crappy, and still being ok on here has been a huge factor in me sort of getting some stuff out here on the board, and then being able to chat with my friend eventually. I just told her in a joking way, and not all serious like i have this huge problem or anything. I would not tell anyone else though cause well, actually, i dont talk to anyone the second time around. If im say at a dog show, i'll chat my head off with any and everyone. But if im to see them again,,,,,,,,,forget it!!!!!! I just cant bear to talk to someone the second time. Therefore, going to stores and the like terrify me. Now, ya put me in an unknown place, and miss chatty comes out again. I think im really weard but because of seeing likeness on here, i was able to laugh with ONLY my dearest friend who could care less that have these problems, and thinks im just fine the way i am. Only, of course, she dosnt know the pain i have with authority figures and stuff like that. She just knows she has to kind of hang close by me if we're gonna go into a store...AND.....what was really funny, the other day she was down and we thought of going to a movie show. When i told her ther was one in a mall, she said NO, no mall. I asked her if she was a little phobic herself and she laughed and said YES!! lol she cant stand to be around alot of people....Anyway, it worked for us as friends, and my hubby is always comforting and didnt run either gosh,,,,see, here i go on my chatty side.......

 

[neddy]

I can remember telling a couple of people about my sa and their attitude changed towards me. It was ok when I was on top of it and feeling fine but as soon as I got depressed a male I knew used to put his hand up to his head and said she has got mental problems which I found very offensive. It is up to you if you want to tell your friends, if your friends are really geniune and likes you the way you are, ups and downs they wont mind what your problems are and in the end may be able to help you but I would make sure they are real friends first. Social anxiety is very common and the chances are that they may have heard something about it. I am ok when there are only 1 or 2 people but put me in a room full of strangers it is a different story and some people just don't understand what the problem is

 

[Modelfear]

I try to explain it to my boyfriend and my family and they think it is not as serious as I do. I just can't portray to them the true skin crawling feeling I get in public. My boyfriend thinks that I'm full of it, because I am attractive and like to be. Although I do try to dress in baggy clothes and wear hats and glasses, he says that people can still tell I look good under all that. He thinks maybe I'm really Wanting attention. It is sooooo frustrating because it just makes me sick when I catch someone looking at me. Ug!!!

 

[Anonymous]

I think I've told about 50 people about my anxiety so far, and it really helps me to know that I'm not odd or abnormal. They tell me about their anxieties, and they fill me in on the social learning that I lack. Some people like me a lot more after I tell them, tho some like me less. SA is not like schizophrenia, it is not a mental disorder, it is just an exaggeration of normal experiences and feelings. Everybody knows what SA is like, because everybody has had these feelings at one time or another.

 

[squarepants]

Sometime i just tell people straight out, like " i really dont wanna do that speach because i have a form of sociual phobia" if they laugh i just say "im serious! i find it very difficult" then usually it goes into a conversation about how they make themselves feel confident.

ocassionaly you will get people that think you are some sort of looser or failure, i just then stay away from them and consider then very closed minded.