I don't expect many replies to this, but would love it if there were.
This may sound complex but I believe its a huge factor in overcoming social anxiety.
What I mean is we must have a subconscious belief of how confident we are and what we are capable of doing and achieving, because most of us seemingly live in a comfort zone and any situation which we believe we cannot cope in and have not got the confidence to succeed in, well we fear it. Would you agree with that? For instance - if this wasn't true - then why can we not wipe the slate clean each day and be ultra confident and nothing can phase us, we have the confidence to do anything? Its surely because our confidence is at a certain level and we are aware of that level and we act and behave on that level.
The reason I raise this question is because I have overcome so many insecurities with regard how I look of late, but I still have insecurities - such as insecurities relating to my confidence - i.e. I fear people seeing I am not confident - i.e. if I shake or struggle to get my words out, etc - and also I fear I cannot put myself into certain situations because I don't believe I have the confidence to do it. And then there are situation insecurities - situations which we have attached danger to for so long - that we no longer see the situation for the situation it is, we just immediately once told we will have to be in that situation or faced with that situation - just recognise 'DANGER', 'FEAR', etc. For instance if you were told tomorrow at school/work, etc that you have to go in a class or on a training course and find out you have to do a presentation in front of 30 people - as soon as you hear the words you automatically have panic attacks and are scared stiff. The truth of the situation is that we can speak, we have a brain, we can walk so can go to the front - in reality we have everything we need to succeed - and also we know that in reality we are in no physical danger, nothing bad is going to happen. I remember once telling someone I would prefer to absail of the tallest building in the world than do a presentation. And he said but that is crazy because absailing of the tallest ever building there are some risks - maybe minimal - but you could actually die if something dreadful happens - whereas public speaking you are not going to be in any physical danger. Understanding that these situations we fear are actually nothing bad at all, but we have created in our mind that they are so terrible is what is causing the problems - because if we didn't think negative of the situation or fear the situation - then we wouldn't be worried and anxious. Therefore these situations we fear need to be understood for what they really are.
But back to what I was saying is that I have made great progress in overcoming my self consciousness and negative self image of how I look- I feel a lot more confident with myself, however - when faced with situations that are challenging and I need to be confident, I still have this inner belief that I am not confident enough to handle the situation in hand. And the reason I think that is because of my own beliefs about my confidence, my own insecurities (my own lack of confidence, my own lack of belief) in my confidence.
I think what I have wrote makes sense, but there doesn't seem to be a question to answer. Well, the question is - how do you think we can start moving that subconscious confidence level we have upwards? (I don't think doing things is the answer - because if something is too difficult and nerve wracking for you and you cannot cope, well I think that will only make things worse). How do we start to believe in ourselves that we can handle a situation which we currently believe we can't? Why can't I tomorrow go to work and if I see the girl I like a lot but who I have not spoken to other than saying thanks when she held a door open for me - why can't I believe I am confident enough to actually say hello to her, or if she was in the queue in the canteen next to me, have a chat with her, and be myself? I couldn't do that as things are - I haven't got the confidence. But what determines this belief that I haven't got the confidence? Why can't we wipe the slate clean and be really confident? Is it possible to wipe the slate clean? If so, how?
Does any of that make sense? I just think a lot of us could be confident for sure, but we fear we cannot do it. If we fear we cannot do it today, we will fear we cannot do it tomorrow. If we fear we can't do it tomorrow, we will fear we cannot do it the day after tomorrow. So what does determine how confident we are? But do you see what I mean in how important this is in order to overcome SA? If we never have the belief that we have the confidence to succeed and perform in situations because its just too much for us, then how will we ever progress? Some how, we are going to have to have confidence in ourselves that we can do the things we fear, and that if faced with any given situation - that we do believe in ourselves and have confidence in ourselves - other than currently just thinking a thousand negative thoughts - all of which make us worried, stressed out, anxious, scared, fearful - we cannot perform as we are overcome by anxiety. Well the anxiety only occurs because of our negative beliefs of the situation and of ourself. They have to change.
That is bound to get no replies! Its probably too deep for people?
This may sound complex but I believe its a huge factor in overcoming social anxiety.
What I mean is we must have a subconscious belief of how confident we are and what we are capable of doing and achieving, because most of us seemingly live in a comfort zone and any situation which we believe we cannot cope in and have not got the confidence to succeed in, well we fear it. Would you agree with that? For instance - if this wasn't true - then why can we not wipe the slate clean each day and be ultra confident and nothing can phase us, we have the confidence to do anything? Its surely because our confidence is at a certain level and we are aware of that level and we act and behave on that level.
The reason I raise this question is because I have overcome so many insecurities with regard how I look of late, but I still have insecurities - such as insecurities relating to my confidence - i.e. I fear people seeing I am not confident - i.e. if I shake or struggle to get my words out, etc - and also I fear I cannot put myself into certain situations because I don't believe I have the confidence to do it. And then there are situation insecurities - situations which we have attached danger to for so long - that we no longer see the situation for the situation it is, we just immediately once told we will have to be in that situation or faced with that situation - just recognise 'DANGER', 'FEAR', etc. For instance if you were told tomorrow at school/work, etc that you have to go in a class or on a training course and find out you have to do a presentation in front of 30 people - as soon as you hear the words you automatically have panic attacks and are scared stiff. The truth of the situation is that we can speak, we have a brain, we can walk so can go to the front - in reality we have everything we need to succeed - and also we know that in reality we are in no physical danger, nothing bad is going to happen. I remember once telling someone I would prefer to absail of the tallest building in the world than do a presentation. And he said but that is crazy because absailing of the tallest ever building there are some risks - maybe minimal - but you could actually die if something dreadful happens - whereas public speaking you are not going to be in any physical danger. Understanding that these situations we fear are actually nothing bad at all, but we have created in our mind that they are so terrible is what is causing the problems - because if we didn't think negative of the situation or fear the situation - then we wouldn't be worried and anxious. Therefore these situations we fear need to be understood for what they really are.
But back to what I was saying is that I have made great progress in overcoming my self consciousness and negative self image of how I look- I feel a lot more confident with myself, however - when faced with situations that are challenging and I need to be confident, I still have this inner belief that I am not confident enough to handle the situation in hand. And the reason I think that is because of my own beliefs about my confidence, my own insecurities (my own lack of confidence, my own lack of belief) in my confidence.
I think what I have wrote makes sense, but there doesn't seem to be a question to answer. Well, the question is - how do you think we can start moving that subconscious confidence level we have upwards? (I don't think doing things is the answer - because if something is too difficult and nerve wracking for you and you cannot cope, well I think that will only make things worse). How do we start to believe in ourselves that we can handle a situation which we currently believe we can't? Why can't I tomorrow go to work and if I see the girl I like a lot but who I have not spoken to other than saying thanks when she held a door open for me - why can't I believe I am confident enough to actually say hello to her, or if she was in the queue in the canteen next to me, have a chat with her, and be myself? I couldn't do that as things are - I haven't got the confidence. But what determines this belief that I haven't got the confidence? Why can't we wipe the slate clean and be really confident? Is it possible to wipe the slate clean? If so, how?
Does any of that make sense? I just think a lot of us could be confident for sure, but we fear we cannot do it. If we fear we cannot do it today, we will fear we cannot do it tomorrow. If we fear we can't do it tomorrow, we will fear we cannot do it the day after tomorrow. So what does determine how confident we are? But do you see what I mean in how important this is in order to overcome SA? If we never have the belief that we have the confidence to succeed and perform in situations because its just too much for us, then how will we ever progress? Some how, we are going to have to have confidence in ourselves that we can do the things we fear, and that if faced with any given situation - that we do believe in ourselves and have confidence in ourselves - other than currently just thinking a thousand negative thoughts - all of which make us worried, stressed out, anxious, scared, fearful - we cannot perform as we are overcome by anxiety. Well the anxiety only occurs because of our negative beliefs of the situation and of ourself. They have to change.
That is bound to get no replies! Its probably too deep for people?
