What can I do?

[stillwater2023]

I've read many different books about overcoming shyness, but none of them seem to help. The most common message that the authors try to get across is for you to stay positive. Well i'll stay as positive as i can be, but when i want to go and try to speak with someone new especially women i freeze up and just go back to putting myself down. it has really ruined my life and i'm fed up with being this way :x . anyone have any suggestions that could help me out?

 

[SingaporeGuy]

yeah, like you have said, after talking, and things turned out bad, you put yourself down.

in a positive approach, you could be more forgiving to yourself, and strive to do better next time.

yeah gotta admit doing such acts might be super duper tough, but you gotta persist, only determination and the undying passion to kill SA will eliminate this..

 

[Scottish_Player]

but when i want to go and try to speak with someone new especially women i freeze up and just go back to putting myself down.

When you say you go and try to speak with someone, what do you mean? Do you mean like just walking upto a stranger or someone in a shop or somthing? If thats what you mean then most people would find this hard aswell.

Try not to put preasure on yourself to talk with people, start with simple stuff like when you go to buy a newspaper have a short chat with the shop keeper, dont try and do too much at once and just slowly build on it.

I never liked talking to people for the reason that i felt awkward and uncomfortable, but i just slowly built on it over the years and its basicly not a problem any more, i do still get times where there is awkward silences but why should i let that bother me, because it takes 2 too have a conversation so let the other person fell awkward aswell and not just me

 

[jerseyguy]

Phobia

A phobia is just like the regular everyday fears we all have, but on a much higher magnitude and strength. Also, it's an unreasoning fear. In other words, it's not one that's driven by logic. If you are about to be eaten by a bear and are afraid, that's logical; if you are afraid of a spider that's 15 feet away from you and not poisonous, that's not logical. A phobia is a fear that's out of proportion and interferes with your life. If you have a fear that never really keeps you from doing anything, it's not a phobia.


Phobias tend to get develop very quickly as a natural conditioned response just like the dogs who salivated in Pavlov's bell ringing experiment. Somebody gets scared of something and from then on, because of conditioning, they get that same physical and emotional fear response. People don't always remember where fears came from. Sometimes they do, but sometimes they don't. Often they will think they need to remember where fear came from in order to get over it, but that's not really the case.


Common phobias are the fear of public speaking, fear of spiders, fear of snakes, fear of flying, and social anxiety or agoraphobia. I deal with these all the time. There are certainly some factors that trigger them. Let's suppose that on two separate days, you watch two different movies. One day it's a comedy and one day it's a scary movie. If on both days somebody comes up behind you and says, "boo!" which one you are going to jump the highest on? Having a lot of stress or anxiety in your life can set the stage for creating a phobia. It's not the cause of the phobia, but it is a factor. Another factor could be the number of similar incidents that have happened to you in the past. Sometimes it takes two or three incidents to create a phobia.

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http://beauty.expertvillage.com/interviews/phobias.htm