What can I do

[Shyguest]

I hope someone here can relate to my situation. I'm in my early 40's and still want to do so much in life and yet this SA has prevented me doing it. I'm still unmarried and have no children and I would really like to do these things. I have no job because of SA and please don't think I haven't tried to get out of this rut because I can tell you have tried really hard. It's almost as though I know what to do but I need someone to motivate me to get out of the rut. I only go out of the house once a week and this has been the pattern for so long now. I hope it's not too late to start reclaiming my life. How can someone like myself start doing this though? I really need help.
I realise that most of you are younger but I hope you'll understand.

 

[afraidofyou]

Small steps perhaps? Trying to increase your outings every week, from one to two, two to three, etc?

I find it difficult to leave my apartment too these days and have to force myself to go out, even if it's just to the store. But I usually feel better if I've been out for at least a little while.

 

[danstelter]

Small steps perhaps? Trying to increase your outings every week, from one to two, two to three, etc?

I find it difficult to leave my apartment too these days and have to force myself to go out, even if it's just to the store. But I usually feel better if I've been out for at least a little while.

Yes, this is one way to do it.

One thing you might try is seeing an anxiety counselor. A counselor will help you to establish goals (which it sounds like you have already done) and then will help to show you the steps that you need to take to achieve those goals. When you fail to take those steps, a counselor will help you to understand why and will encourage you to keep trying. Doing this by yourself is very hard; if you do take small steps, I would keep a detailed record on paper so that you could not the progress that you make. Having someone else encouraging you and keeping you honest is usually the best route to go.

PS...it's never too late to start taking the steps you want to take in life! People get married and have children on into their 50's yet, so you have time!

 

[Shyguest]

Thanks, I appreciate you replying. I'm actually finding it difficult to find the motivation to do this. It's as though I've got so much to do to catch up with other people my own age. I am wondering if there is a way to approach this in little steps.

 

[Nack]

Yes, i can relate to you. I never go out of the house unless i have something important to do, i don't out of the house for fun unless with someone i know. But, you know I wanna thank you guys in your 40's posting on these forums, and thank god i found this forum too. You guys are my motivation you know? I hope you dont get offended but i don't want to be 40 and still have nothing. By that time hopefully i find the confident or a person to be with me, have kids.

 

[jamie99]

I just joined a mens group and was quite surprised how many have the same anxieties/thoughts i have. I was afraid to go at first because i thought these groups were for middle aged men going through a mid life crisis or something, but most are on disability for the same reasons.

 

[Shyguest]

I'm hoping it's not too late to try and get my life in order. If only I knew how to start getting out of the rut that has occurred.