what am i living for?/a life gone terribly wrong?

[creep_x]

Ever thought why you exist? I think i m living just for the sake of it.. so one day I might earn money.. buy a big house, a home theater, a flashy car & lots of videogames. But thats it? a big house- but no one to hang around in it, a big car which I'll drive alone?
I have a passion - art, even though I still feel low at times but you do need a friend or someone who has similar interests
A few years from now on, if I am still alive I see myself drawing demons, mutilated people & dead babies & playing videogames & watching horror movies. I am not sure if I'll call this a life

 

[SocialRetahd]

Yea, I feel like no matter how hard I try in life I'll still be ugly and extremely boring, so whats the point?

 

[creep_x]

I just want to earn money, lots of money & give it my parents.
& then I'll have no guilt of suicide just in case if I wanna go for it.

 

[chris420]

Hey creepx, money is a tool, not an end goal, thats just an idea planted in your head by f***ed up govt/society...aiming for material things later in life will make you unhappy, especially for sensitive peeps like you and me because these things have no real meaning. What do you really want?

 

[creep_x]

haha if i said friends/love then I would sound like such a softy
i know money can't buy everything but it can do something at least

 

[slimjim119]

You don't know what the future will bring. You have to hang on to what keeps you going and have hope. I wish I had more words of encouragement.

 

[yuiko]

A few years from now on, if I am still alive I see myself drawing demons, mutilated people & dead babies & playing videogames & watching horror movies. I am not sure if I'll call this a life

i do the same shit...plus listening to music..

 

[creep_x]

haha a fellow sadist, eh?

 

[villacjs]

I always wonder what my life would be like if I didn't have SA/SP. For starters I would have earned more money by now (I'm 22) through part time jobs, so I would have had more material possessions like clothes etc. I would have done a lot better in school, like doing Maths B and getting better grades as I was never able to get help from teachers because of my fear of blushing. I never did homework since I would come home and 'escape' my life through playing video games. Almost all my assignments were done the night before.

At uni I would have done better since I was always wondering about my problems, I only found out about social phobia 3 years ago so I lost plenty of time that could have been spent on study.

The few jobs of had were because of my parents forcing me to do them, not on my own initiative.

Therefore I can attribute my average school, uni and work performance to my social phobia caused by blushing life could have been so much better if I didn't have SA/SP.

I also have never had a girlfriend or many friends so on a personal level I also failed.