that1guy
Well-known member
Yeah so I went to a surprise b-day party today and it went great. It really did, but before I decided to actually get the courage to get out of my fn car and actually walk into the place that the party was being held at, I think I had a big time panic attack. This is how it went down: (also, note that I knew about the party the whole time, but I didnt know how many people were going to be there or even who was going to be there. I knew like 5 people who were going from the very beginning, but I also heard that more people were coming but not sure who)
1. After school I just went home (got home at around 3:15) and did my usual thing(computer stuff with food and water).
2. Went to a high school baseball playoff game that started at 4 but I didnt get there till 4:30. It took about an hour to get to the fn field because of traffic.
3. Talked to some of my JV team mates (and no chix of course) in the stands for the first 4 innings or so.
4. My JV team mates, that I was talking to, decided to move down to the section where all the other kids in our grade were. I was against it from the very beginning because i was comfortable already but I decided to go with them because I didnt want to be left in the stands all by myself.
5. When we got down there, there were many girls around so I was getting nervous. I got uncomfortable and anxious and very irritable.(Im pathetic around girls, if you havent noticed already). We were down there for the last 2-3 innings and when the game ended I was out of there as fast as lightning. I wanted to miss the traffic. My team lost 2-1.
6. Got back home in like 20 minutes (got home around 6:20) and then noticed that I really needed gas for the car. I was also very hungry.
7. So I go out and get some gas.
8. Then I decide to go to sonic since I had a sonic card. My meal was free but I started feeling very depressed, sad, pissed while I was waiting for my food.
9. Also while I was waiting, I saw this black waitor (about 18-20 years old) doing pretty much nothing outside. He was basically just hanging out, lookin like an idiot and all of the sudden I see this beautiful white girl come walking up to him. They started talking and I could tell they had a thing for eachother. The next thing I know, the beautiful white girl is filling out a lame sonic waittress application, just so she could be with that loser. Makes me feel like total shit because I know I cant even get close to getting a girlfriend like that, and shes even with a guy that works at Sonic(loser if your out of high school by the way)! What a fn slap in the face! Then my head just kept on spinning with thoughts of just pure loneliness. I havent even talked to a girl like that and im getting tired of having nobody... nobody.
10. When the waittress (a different one from the other two dumfux) came out with my food she handed me my meal and I immedietly said "heres your tip". It was a dollar for a $5.90 meal, not a bad tip. and then she said "so I geuss you dont want your receit" in a very intimidated way. Its like she already knew I was in that shitty depressed mood. I geuss I was so depresed that you could see it in my face. After she said that I said "no, I dont need it" (in the nicest way possible) and then she ran off.
11. I decided to eat there because I was going strait to the party from there. While I was eating, the same thoughts were going through my head, "I dont think im ever gona be with a girl that I really want to be with" and "Why would they even want to go out with me anyway? Im quiet, Im a damn pushover, and im not good at anything that they know or care about!"
12. After I was done eating (about 7:30), I drove to the party and thats when I really felt the panic attack the worst. The whole way there (about 15 min ride) I was trying to hold the tears in, but I couldnt. I never had felt the urge to cry so strongly before. I have always had depressing thoughts in my head just like this time, but I cried and cried. This was seriously the first time I had ever thought of just turning around and going home. But I said no, I have to get through this. I balled for the last five minutes of the ride to the party. Was it just the pressure of going to the party?
13. Because of the crying, my eyes looked so watery and you could easily tell that I had been crying. So instead of immedietly walking into speedzone(location of party) after I parked, I cried for about 5 more minutes in my car and then stopped crying. I then just waited about 10 more minutes to help my eyes get less puffy and all that so it doesnt look like I had been crying.
14. So its about 8:00 and I walk in there and I find my friends at the go carts. They were having fun. But since I got there late I couldnt do anything because it was on a time limit. I was glad though cause I didnt feel like doing any of that kind of stuff. Plus you had to pay for a game card or w/e. We were there for about 20-30 more minutes and then decided to eat at CiCi's. Then the night went well for me, I Had a good time! =)=)=)!!!!!
But from this experience, I wonder how I could have gotten so emotionally wrecked about something that ended up making my day, even my weekend. Was it a panic attack or just some pre-party jitters?????????? Thank you for reading all this shit, but I am seriously concerned and I would really appreciate it if somebody could help me out. THANK YOU
1. After school I just went home (got home at around 3:15) and did my usual thing(computer stuff with food and water).
2. Went to a high school baseball playoff game that started at 4 but I didnt get there till 4:30. It took about an hour to get to the fn field because of traffic.
3. Talked to some of my JV team mates (and no chix of course) in the stands for the first 4 innings or so.
4. My JV team mates, that I was talking to, decided to move down to the section where all the other kids in our grade were. I was against it from the very beginning because i was comfortable already but I decided to go with them because I didnt want to be left in the stands all by myself.
5. When we got down there, there were many girls around so I was getting nervous. I got uncomfortable and anxious and very irritable.(Im pathetic around girls, if you havent noticed already). We were down there for the last 2-3 innings and when the game ended I was out of there as fast as lightning. I wanted to miss the traffic. My team lost 2-1.
6. Got back home in like 20 minutes (got home around 6:20) and then noticed that I really needed gas for the car. I was also very hungry.
7. So I go out and get some gas.
8. Then I decide to go to sonic since I had a sonic card. My meal was free but I started feeling very depressed, sad, pissed while I was waiting for my food.
9. Also while I was waiting, I saw this black waitor (about 18-20 years old) doing pretty much nothing outside. He was basically just hanging out, lookin like an idiot and all of the sudden I see this beautiful white girl come walking up to him. They started talking and I could tell they had a thing for eachother. The next thing I know, the beautiful white girl is filling out a lame sonic waittress application, just so she could be with that loser. Makes me feel like total shit because I know I cant even get close to getting a girlfriend like that, and shes even with a guy that works at Sonic(loser if your out of high school by the way)! What a fn slap in the face! Then my head just kept on spinning with thoughts of just pure loneliness. I havent even talked to a girl like that and im getting tired of having nobody... nobody.
10. When the waittress (a different one from the other two dumfux) came out with my food she handed me my meal and I immedietly said "heres your tip". It was a dollar for a $5.90 meal, not a bad tip. and then she said "so I geuss you dont want your receit" in a very intimidated way. Its like she already knew I was in that shitty depressed mood. I geuss I was so depresed that you could see it in my face. After she said that I said "no, I dont need it" (in the nicest way possible) and then she ran off.
11. I decided to eat there because I was going strait to the party from there. While I was eating, the same thoughts were going through my head, "I dont think im ever gona be with a girl that I really want to be with" and "Why would they even want to go out with me anyway? Im quiet, Im a damn pushover, and im not good at anything that they know or care about!"
12. After I was done eating (about 7:30), I drove to the party and thats when I really felt the panic attack the worst. The whole way there (about 15 min ride) I was trying to hold the tears in, but I couldnt. I never had felt the urge to cry so strongly before. I have always had depressing thoughts in my head just like this time, but I cried and cried. This was seriously the first time I had ever thought of just turning around and going home. But I said no, I have to get through this. I balled for the last five minutes of the ride to the party. Was it just the pressure of going to the party?
13. Because of the crying, my eyes looked so watery and you could easily tell that I had been crying. So instead of immedietly walking into speedzone(location of party) after I parked, I cried for about 5 more minutes in my car and then stopped crying. I then just waited about 10 more minutes to help my eyes get less puffy and all that so it doesnt look like I had been crying.
14. So its about 8:00 and I walk in there and I find my friends at the go carts. They were having fun. But since I got there late I couldnt do anything because it was on a time limit. I was glad though cause I didnt feel like doing any of that kind of stuff. Plus you had to pay for a game card or w/e. We were there for about 20-30 more minutes and then decided to eat at CiCi's. Then the night went well for me, I Had a good time! =)=)=)!!!!!
But from this experience, I wonder how I could have gotten so emotionally wrecked about something that ended up making my day, even my weekend. Was it a panic attack or just some pre-party jitters?????????? Thank you for reading all this shit, but I am seriously concerned and I would really appreciate it if somebody could help me out. THANK YOU
