violent energy

no1

no1

Banned
I don't know if this is panic or rage or whatever.. but I seem to be getting lots of bursts of very violent energy I simply do not know what to do with. I feel like going on rampages and destroying things (not so much people) for no apparent reason. Well there may be a reason but I just don't know what to do with it. even when I try to sit still I get the feeling of JUST GETTING THE F*CK UP AND BREAKING THINGS ON PURPOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It even feels hormonal. Maybe it's adrenaline. It's something. Maybe its the fact that I have so many things to take care of yet there is simply no way to take care of those things such that I just get an accumulation of raw energy that I have no "orderly way" of using. I feel like going out in public and just destroying things. I feel like I need to leave my mark somewhere. I feel like running back and forth and in all directions at the same time. I feel like.. going in front of a crowd and just shooting myself. I feel like creating waves. I feel like I don't f*cking exist!!!!!!! I don't know what to do with all this energy. Even though I'm tired as hell. Even though I go to the gym all and run as much as I can. Even though this and that I still have all this uncontrollable violent energy. It's getting crazy. I feel like screaming! I feel like my brain is splitting in 2. I feel like going in many directions at the same time. I feel hopeless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I feel like just .. destroying myself or the universe for how f*cked up everything is. It seems like I wont get anywhere in this life and it's f*cked up.

I feel like just flipping. I feel like I'm on the edge... if one person pushes me that far I don't know what monster I might become, and in the end I'll hate what I've become, because I know in my heart that I don't mean wrong.
 
no1

no1

Banned
I don't do cocaine and the little I have done in my life shouldn't really affect me. The caffeine may make it worse but I still feel much of the same without caffeine. I have in fact cut out coffee and haven't drunken coffee in about a month or more. The only caffeinated thing I might consume is some tea and yerba mate. I love yerba mate. Even in days when I don't consume any kind of caffeine I still can't F*cking sleep, I still get this violent flux of energy. Whether it's just violent energy or not.. since I don't really have the means of expressing this energy it might come out violently , or a bit imbalanced in the sense that it's just wayyyy too much than needed.

But it's not physical kind of energy either. I see a lot of upbeat people who can really carry on a conversation and make jokes about any little thing... and I figure they must have a lot of physical energy to do that. Me on the other hand it's a different story, I have energy but it's a different kind, which oftentimes gets expressed violently.
 
lettypagb

lettypagb

Well-known member
i think was the cocaine ... cause i did like 3 grams and is the only thing i think may have caused the violence thing ,but i dunno do you think sometimes about fighting hoahaiosphd ,or something like that?
 
no1

no1

Banned
lettypagb said:
i think was the cocaine ... cause i did like 3 grams and is the only thing i think may have caused the violence thing ,but i dunno do you think sometimes about fighting hoahaiosphd ,or something like that?
Click to expand...

in my whole life I've done.. around 20 dollars worth. wayy less than a gram. my dad got addicted to it though.
 
JonnyD_

JonnyD_

Well-known member
might sounds lame but, have you actually though of taking martial arts or something related - not by the violence but by the activity, it may be a way to focus your angry?

you see, angryness is not always a bad feeling, it's natural and in some level healthy, people would often say it shouldant exist, i belive that removing it from the human mind will just remove our sence of achievement and make us "conformed" , you think the guy who climbed the everest in the first time would have do it without some of this angry feeling?
 
no1

no1

Banned
maybe it's all this pain I have in my body that I haven't been able to get rid of for years.

I would do martial arts like I used to, if I had time.
 
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