venting...problems with going out

[CheshireCat]

Does anyone get extrememly panicky when going out. I have social anxiety and it would make sense of why I get panicky but it's so hard especially with my b/f. He's brazilian and he's extremely close with his friends and family. He loves doing everything with a group. He knows about my situation but I don't think he completely understands it. Occassionally we go out to a party on a saturday night, most of the being his friends since I really don't have many (or feel comfortable hanging out on a regular basis). I always seem to have a breakdown right before we go out. I start to cry...I usually listen to music and practice some breathing exercises, but it's hard to control. Once I'm there I'll have a few beers, try and relax... I'm trying to understand his culture which seems the opposite of what I'm used to. It's so funny how I fell in love with someone almost the exact opposite of me, but he's such a caring person and what's me very involved in his life. I'm trying to open up more, but it's hard to show him my friends and family because of my social anxiety. He's great and supports me as much as he can...he just has a different idea about what a good time is. It's seems good in a way...maybe if I keep trying, and go back to therapy I can adjust better to what he likes to do. We do stay in alot during the week....

I kinda just dragged this on... I needed to vent...the first time I said this openly. But my main point is what kind of reactions do people get when going out? Does it take you forever to get out? Do you cry and feel as though you can't catch your breath? It hurts knowing I can't just feel happy about going somewhere that makes him happy, the same way he would be happy when I just want to watch a movie.

 

[Carol]

I have good days and bad days. Sometimes I am VERY nervous about going out. Usually, the more anxious and nervous I am about a situation, the worse it goes. That's the "self-fulfilling prophecy" phenomenon that I learned about in psychology class. When I expect the situation to be bad, then it's bad - so I know that somehow I am causing my own problems. If I could calm down and expect good things, my social life might improve!

I'm also very sensitive to other people's reactions to me. I want EVERYBODY I meet to like me (a ridiculous expectation!). But if one person appears to have a negative reaction to me, that can upset me for days. Today I took my daughter to a birthday party, and another mom there did not seem to like me, and I will probably think about that all weekend. I don't know why - why should it matter to me what she thought? But when I get negative reactions from people, it makes me not want to go out again for awhile. I have an easier time going out if I had a good experience the last time I went out!

 

[Rodox]

I am brazilian also,I know what you mean,I dont really fit with them at all,some times I am treated like I am an alien or gay and I am an immigrant which just makes it worse,most of other immigrants are real assholes,I dont fit with the japanese either,I dont fit anywhere actually.....