Unintentional bad guy?


Well-known member
disppointing other's

Family and friends always want me to leave the house and go out and do things with them, but I always fail to do so. I always miss social events that are important to them. Sometimes they get disappointed or angry that I didn't come. I feel like I should be able to muster up enough courage to go out and do things with them. I know that would make them happy. but I can't do it, :kickingmyself: I'm too weak. they deserve better then me. :crying:

do anyone else have this problem?
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Don't be too hard on yourself. While they might be frustrated by it, not going to certain social gatherings upon their request doesn't make you any less valuable as a person.

While I urge you to try your hardest in these situations, that bump can be hard to get over, and only you can decide each individual time whether you're up for the challenge or not. If you genuinely tried, and considered to go, and end up not going, then that's okay.

I myself prioritize these things. If people ask me to go to some random event down town because there's a holiday/celebration going on I typically decline. But when it concerns birthdays, funerals and weddings I'll force myself to go. Leave out the guess work.

I'm by no means a poster child for good mental health, so I can't in good concious recommend this method. But I can tell you it works for me, so if you're so inclined, and haven't already, you could give it a shot.
First, you need to stop with the self depreciating attitude. You are what is important, not their desires. If you don't want to go out, then that is perfectly fine. Live your life how you want to, not how others deem fit. Start loving yourself unconditoonaly , regardless of anything that you may deem wrong with you, because in reality there is nothing at all wrong with you.


Well-known member
Yep - I do exactly the same thing. Fortunately most people I know are used to it. They don't actually know I have a personality disorder, but they're not stupid, they must suspect.

Im not sure why you call not going out a "failure". It sounds like youre feeling sorry for yourself and depressed. While depression is a comorbidity to social anxiety, and sometimes the source, its still separate thing.

The good thing is, all your symtoms could probably be fixed by treating your depression - you may not actually have SA, in terms of a separate diagnosable issue, at all.

Have you actually seen someone about this and been diagnosed? Go to a GP and get on some happy pills if you need them (which are awesome btw, generally no symptoms at all). In a few months you wont know yourself. :D
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Well-known member
Stop making yourself feel bad.
If you are fine with not going out then who cares what they think.
If you think it's a problem you have to fix, step out of your comfort zone and grow some wings and fly