Unable to really reach out for help

[BaronMunchausen]

I don't know if there are a lot of you that do this, but I tend to either really cover up my situation or even flat out lie about how things are going...Anything from being broke to being a total emotional wreck...I always have the tendency to shrug it all off when I'm around others and pretend, or even overcompensate to the opposite side, that things are going perfectly well.

I feel like I have all these things piled up and I have nowhere to let it all out. The few times I feel so bad I make outbursts and start talking with friends about how I'm feeling I immediately become ashamed and try to get myself out of the situation and avoid that person for a while. I'm pretty sure my friends can tell at least in some part how I'm feeling, or at least can guess it...but I don't know. Sometimes I feel like even the slightest bit of encouragement, or someone just saying that they care or worry about me, or having someone around that is willing to listen would make all the difference.

 

[Nack]

Well, you're reaching for help now eh?

 

[BaronMunchausen]

Heh, I know...but the internet is a lot different. The whole anonymity thing, and the fact that you don't have to look them in the eyes afterward.

 

[minimalish]

Do you see a therapist? That might help. Just a no judgement place to vent and get advice.

And I think even though it's different, asking for help online is a good start. Sometimes it's good to stick your toes in the water so you don't jump in unprepared.

 

[I_jailed_me]

I don't know if there are a lot of you that do this, but I tend to either really cover up my situation or even flat out lie about how things are going...Anything from being broke to being a total emotional wreck...I always have the tendency to shrug it all off when I'm around others and pretend, or even overcompensate to the opposite side, that things are going perfectly well.

I feel like I have all these things piled up and I have nowhere to let it all out. The few times I feel so bad I make outbursts and start talking with friends about how I'm feeling I immediately become ashamed and try to get myself out of the situation and avoid that person for a while. I'm pretty sure my friends can tell at least in some part how I'm feeling, or at least can guess it...but I don't know. Sometimes I feel like even the slightest bit of encouragement, or someone just saying that they care or worry about me, or having someone around that is willing to listen would make all the difference.

Dont listen to these people if these guys figured out how to handle their problem they wont be here!!

Frankly you dont need a therapist unless you want to dwell on your problem,obsess over it and make it a vicious cycle, thatd what most of us have done here. If i where you i wont dwell on this too much the fact that your out there meeting friends and only haveing occasional episodes of break down is very very very normal, everyone goes through that. The only mistake is you think your alone and no one does that, thats not true dont compare yourself with someone else who hast still hit obstacles like you eventually he to will feel that way someday, it not your depression its the depression of mankind everyone is hard wired to feel that way some time!! I dont know how to help you but i know no one can, all i can say is you wont fall and if you do you can stand up and walk again.

Enjoy what you have many of us here are not even able to go out and do that.

 

[minimalish]

Therapy can really help some people. The point isn't to dwell on your problems, it's to have someone else make you figure out a solution.

 

[I_jailed_me]

Therapy can really help some people. The point isn't to dwell on your problems, it's to have someone else make you figure out a solution.

I dont think giving drugs to teenagers whose brains are supposed to be in their formative years seems like a very mature idea.Drugs ruin their neurological path way and gets it hard wired for higher cretonne and dopamine levels without which they will feel depressed for the rest of their lives!! Its better to teach them to handle life and its problems show them how normal it is to be embraced etc., Offcourse that takes time and energy we rather be making money than be concerned about the next generation.

 

[BaronMunchausen]

Do you see a therapist? That might help. Just a no judgement place to vent and get advice.

And I think even though it's different, asking for help online is a good start. Sometimes it's good to stick your toes in the water so you don't jump in unprepared.

I did when I was a teenager briefly, but I don't really think I was in the right mindset for it to be helpful. When I lost my job a few months ago (and still had COBRA insurance) I saw someone for a few weeks, but I couldn't really afford it and had to stop going. I think I may try and look at local resources like free hospitals to see if there's a way I could continue that way.

 

[BaronMunchausen]

Dont listen to these people if these guys figured out how to handle their problem they wont be here!!

Frankly you dont need a therapist unless you want to dwell on your problem,obsess over it and make it a vicious cycle, thatd what most of us have done here. If i where you i wont dwell on this too much the fact that your out there meeting friends and only haveing occasional episodes of break down is very very very normal, everyone goes through that. The only mistake is you think your alone and no one does that, thats not true dont compare yourself with someone else who hast still hit obstacles like you eventually he to will feel that way someday, it not your depression its the depression of mankind everyone is hard wired to feel that way some time!! I dont know how to help you but i know no one can, all i can say is you wont fall and if you do you can stand up and walk again.

Enjoy what you have many of us here are not even able to go out and do that.

Yeah, I guess the tendency is because I don't really have anyone to talk through things with...I tend to really build things up in my mind. It'd be a lot better if I could just nip a lot of the overwhelming thoughts in the bud.

I've had depression on some level for most of my life and I think that's a large part of why I'm so hesitant to ask for help. I feel like people are tired of it, plus my friends very rarely ask for help on the same sort of issues from me...so it really seems unfair to drag them into it. I think it's also somewhat juvenile to keep asking for attention and comfort instead of taking concrete steps to change my behavior and the conditions contributing to how I'm feeling. It's like a smoker asking for sympathy when they come down with lung cancer later in life.

 

[Dronee]

You're the only person who can help yourself. From my own personal experience, it feels hard for a guy especially since there's a cultural norm (at least here) for guys to just brave everything and act like tough robots.

But while it's true that you're the only person who can ultimately decide your own future, a helping hand and listening ear can guide you and pick you up when you're down. Have you tried... hmmm.. not sure what it's called. Volunteer listeners? As in a hotline to call for people with serious depression who have nowhere else to turn to?

Or just pick up a creative hobby (just about any hobby is creative really)... Vent your frustrations in a creative outlet that you enjoy. Or in exercise or something else. Just have an avenue of release that's healthy otherwise you'll keep thinking about things. Preferably something that can really benefit your health or make you learn new skills.

 

[BaronMunchausen]

You're the only person who can help yourself. From my own personal experience, it feels hard for a guy especially since there's a cultural norm (at least here) for guys to just brave everything and act like tough robots.

But while it's true that you're the only person who can ultimately decide your own future, a helping hand and listening ear can guide you and pick you up when you're down. Have you tried... hmmm.. not sure what it's called. Volunteer listeners? As in a hotline to call for people with serious depression who have nowhere else to turn to?

Or just pick up a creative hobby (just about any hobby is creative really)... Vent your frustrations in a creative outlet that you enjoy. Or in exercise or something else. Just have an avenue of release that's healthy otherwise you'll keep thinking about things. Preferably something that can really benefit your health or make you learn new skills.

Thanks, this is good advice. A couple months ago I started exercising regularly and it really has helped a noticeable amount in my mood and sleep patterns. I really do need to add something like a hobby, though, that will keep me challenged and serve as an outlet...a lot of the things I do now are just passive activities (reading, watching tv, etc.) which really aren't the same.

 

[minimalish]

I dont think giving drugs to teenagers whose brains are supposed to be in their formative years seems like a very mature idea.Drugs ruin their neurological path way and gets it hard wired for higher cretonne and dopamine levels without which they will feel depressed for the rest of their lives!! Its better to teach them to handle life and its problems show them how normal it is to be embraced etc., Offcourse that takes time and energy we rather be making money than be concerned about the next generation.

I was talking about seeing a psychologist, not a psychiatrist. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has really helped me, and I'm sure a lot of other people with Social Anxiety. And that's just learning about what triggers your anxiety and what you can think about or do to get through it. I wasn't even talking about drugs, but I'm sure some people in this forum have had success with drug therapy as well.

 

[BaronMunchausen]

I was talking about seeing a psychologist, not a psychiatrist. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has really helped me, and I'm sure a lot of other people with Social Anxiety. And that's just learning about what triggers your anxiety and what you can think about or do to get through it. I wasn't even talking about drugs, but I'm sure some people in this forum have had success with drug therapy as well.

The doctor I saw (briefly) specialized in this type of therapy, and he was actually very hesitant to give out drug medications unless I really felt that my situation was serious enough to warrant them, or I had exhausted other methods first. Unfortunately I didn't have the resources to really continue with him to the point where it would have been useful, but I definitely see how it would have been helpful.