DanielLewis
Well-known member
I think I've come up with an awesome plan to attack and defeat social anxiety. I've been thinking a lot about it and what causes it. I'm not an expert on the subject, but I believe it is a learned behavior that's caused by a number of factors. Also, socializing is a learned skill that we learn from the moment we're born. Many of us just have withdrawn into isolation and haven't exercised the skill enough. So, my plan is this...
1) Retrain the mind through thought practice. This will be difficult at first because many of us have fallen into a negative way of thinking. We have recurring negative thoughts that are making SA worse. I've monitored what I've been thinking on a daily basis lately and have made a list below consisting of the recurring negative thoughts that I have. My plan is to go over the list at the end of each day and review how I did. I see what thoughts I need to work on eliminating more the next day. Here's the list:
1. Hesitating to say or do what comes to mind out of fear of what others will think or thinking myself that what I have in mind to do or say is weird or boring.
2. Thinking I have to impress people by being interesting and funny.
3. Taking the disapproval of others personally and thinking it's evidence that something is wrong with me.
4. Thinking of myself as shy, lonely, and not confident.
5. Getting down on myself, and beating myself up, when I fail to be the person I want to be.
6. Look for faults in others and viewing them negatively such as by how they look.
7. Thinking or worrying about how I look such as by thinking I'm ugly when I see myself in the mirror.
8. Thinking or worrying about the past or future. For example, not being able to let go of the mistakes I made in the past and worrying that I won't get to where I want to in the future.
9. Assuming other people think negatively of me.
10. Trying too hard to think of things to say to people. Things don't seem to come to me naturally so I start to think hard about it.
11. Comparing myself to others. For example, seeing a person who is more social and confident, or a couple holding hands, and getting depressed that I don't have what they have.
12. Trying to impress people and get them to like me.
13. Being glad to see others fail. For example, being glad to see another man fail with a women or
be shy and awkward as it makes me feel better about myself.
14. Getting depressed about what's wrong in my life, and what I don't have, rather than being happy and grateful for what I do have.
15. Hiding emotions that I feel like expressing because of caring too much what others think. For example, if I wanted to jump for joy, I would be too afraid of what others might think.
16. Getting caught up in thoughts of hopelessness and despair because of my present situation, past mistakes, or feeling I can't achieve my future goals or it might take a long *** time.
17. Thinking about future outcomes when I interacting with people. For example, I might be thinking about how I want to become friends with this person or have a girl be my girlfriend. It tends to take me out of enjoying the present moment and causes me to act more needy.
18. Generally just being too focused on myself and what others think of me. For example, I'm too focused on how I come across to others. I need to shift my focus outside of myself so it's completely on others and my external environment so I can respond naturally to what's happening around me without any thought of what I'm doing.
Which of these would be on your list?
2) Retrain the mind through actions. For this, I'll take action to step outside of my comfort zone in order to uproot negative beliefs that hold me back like caring too much what others think. I'm going to be following the program on the website comfort zone crusher.
3) Practice socializing. There's no way around it. Since socializing is a skill and, to be comfortable and good at it, you need to practice. I'm going to try to talk more wherever I go....small talk with the cashier. Join clubs on my campus. I have to realize that practice exists all around me. It's perfectly acceptable to talk to people almost everywhere though not everyone will be receptive, and I might not do well always, rejection or 'failure' is something I have to get over. The only way you fail is by giving up. If you tried your best, then you can't fail.
4) Experience more. I think the more different things you experience, the more confident you become when you encounter new or difficult experiences. So, sky-dive, take a class on something you haven't done before, go hiking, learn something new, etc. When you learn something new you feel better about yourself.
There's more to it that I could come up with such as do things you love and help others, but 1-3 are the main ones I'm really going to hit hard that I think directly attack the problem the most. What do you think of this plan? Is it something you'd try?
1) Retrain the mind through thought practice. This will be difficult at first because many of us have fallen into a negative way of thinking. We have recurring negative thoughts that are making SA worse. I've monitored what I've been thinking on a daily basis lately and have made a list below consisting of the recurring negative thoughts that I have. My plan is to go over the list at the end of each day and review how I did. I see what thoughts I need to work on eliminating more the next day. Here's the list:
1. Hesitating to say or do what comes to mind out of fear of what others will think or thinking myself that what I have in mind to do or say is weird or boring.
2. Thinking I have to impress people by being interesting and funny.
3. Taking the disapproval of others personally and thinking it's evidence that something is wrong with me.
4. Thinking of myself as shy, lonely, and not confident.
5. Getting down on myself, and beating myself up, when I fail to be the person I want to be.
6. Look for faults in others and viewing them negatively such as by how they look.
7. Thinking or worrying about how I look such as by thinking I'm ugly when I see myself in the mirror.
8. Thinking or worrying about the past or future. For example, not being able to let go of the mistakes I made in the past and worrying that I won't get to where I want to in the future.
9. Assuming other people think negatively of me.
10. Trying too hard to think of things to say to people. Things don't seem to come to me naturally so I start to think hard about it.
11. Comparing myself to others. For example, seeing a person who is more social and confident, or a couple holding hands, and getting depressed that I don't have what they have.
12. Trying to impress people and get them to like me.
13. Being glad to see others fail. For example, being glad to see another man fail with a women or
be shy and awkward as it makes me feel better about myself.
14. Getting depressed about what's wrong in my life, and what I don't have, rather than being happy and grateful for what I do have.
15. Hiding emotions that I feel like expressing because of caring too much what others think. For example, if I wanted to jump for joy, I would be too afraid of what others might think.
16. Getting caught up in thoughts of hopelessness and despair because of my present situation, past mistakes, or feeling I can't achieve my future goals or it might take a long *** time.
17. Thinking about future outcomes when I interacting with people. For example, I might be thinking about how I want to become friends with this person or have a girl be my girlfriend. It tends to take me out of enjoying the present moment and causes me to act more needy.
18. Generally just being too focused on myself and what others think of me. For example, I'm too focused on how I come across to others. I need to shift my focus outside of myself so it's completely on others and my external environment so I can respond naturally to what's happening around me without any thought of what I'm doing.
Which of these would be on your list?
2) Retrain the mind through actions. For this, I'll take action to step outside of my comfort zone in order to uproot negative beliefs that hold me back like caring too much what others think. I'm going to be following the program on the website comfort zone crusher.
3) Practice socializing. There's no way around it. Since socializing is a skill and, to be comfortable and good at it, you need to practice. I'm going to try to talk more wherever I go....small talk with the cashier. Join clubs on my campus. I have to realize that practice exists all around me. It's perfectly acceptable to talk to people almost everywhere though not everyone will be receptive, and I might not do well always, rejection or 'failure' is something I have to get over. The only way you fail is by giving up. If you tried your best, then you can't fail.
4) Experience more. I think the more different things you experience, the more confident you become when you encounter new or difficult experiences. So, sky-dive, take a class on something you haven't done before, go hiking, learn something new, etc. When you learn something new you feel better about yourself.
There's more to it that I could come up with such as do things you love and help others, but 1-3 are the main ones I'm really going to hit hard that I think directly attack the problem the most. What do you think of this plan? Is it something you'd try?
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