Two lives

[aj]

Hmm... not sure if this is going to make much sense, but here goes.

I am living two lives. Or rather, two halves of one. It's always been like this. At home I am always on guard and I don't tend to open up much. My family don't really know much about the simple things like some of the music I like or some of the TV programmes I watch. Yet I can talk to them so easily, SA does not affect me at all with them.

Then when I'm not with them I am much more open, but then I can't make conversation or friends, however much I'd like to.

I think the act with my family it hurting my life away from home. Why do I act like this? Do I not want to seem like a real person at home? Is it because my parents are slightly older? Because none of us (me, my parents, my brother who is older than me) tend to go out much? Even this is odd because my sister is engaged and has a son!

I'm still the same person at home... I suppose you could just say that I'm very economical with the truth. Yet home is a bubble where SA does not affect me at all.

Um, so, yeah... :lol:

 

[HexNoir]

You probably know your parents aren't going to look down on you if you say something stupid. So when you're conversing with people you're not so comfortable with, you tend to play it safe - which basically means being reserved in a social setting. And I'm only saying this because SA and SP are *usually* based upon these principles. But hey, since I don't know you I could be way off!

Just as a weird thought experiment, try this. Use your mind to project your darkest fears as a use of desensitization. For example, see yourself conversing with someone you don't really know, and imagine slipping up and making yourself look like a fool. Play out EVERY possible scenario to this situation, in full detail (use paper if needed), and make sure you actually feel the fear. What this will do is train your mind to become more comfortable with the thought of rejection, and less avoiding of the risk of looking dumb in front of somebody else.

Since I'm so afraid half the time about people thinking I'm stupid, I keep doing this until I'm so comfortable with the thought of being rejected that I actually end up talking more, speaking my mind, and even making more friends in social situations. I get so used to the thought and so comfortable regardless, that it can't even affect me anymore and I'm back to my old self... or perhaps the 'old self' that never was!

All in all - you can learn to become so comfortable with the fear that it doesn't even hurt you anymore. But by all means, never avoid it. If you need any help with this, PM me... I've got some awesome techniques up my sleeves that work.

Just remember, you rock

 

[aj]

Thanks, interesting idea - it's another way of looking at it, I will try it. I would definitely like to hear about your techniques, please could you post them? Or PM if you don't want them out in the open? The difficult thing is making it as real as possible

 

[Doomed2Die]

Aj you sound very much like I did not so long ago, im fairly sure many people heck even those odd 'normal' un-SA type folks have times like this or have been as such. Almost certainly the general SA sufferer is like this.

As Vulvectomy said, tried and tested methods are good and so is simply building confidence.

 

[aj]

I guess it's kind of comforting to know I'm probably not so weird

I didn't really want to start yet another thread, but today was... interesting. Where I work we have groups of six computers, all fairly separate with small partitions between them. It's not a big place. Today I was on my own on one side with three other people I work with on the other.

But they were chatting about things all day - what they were listening to, the work etc. I was on the other side, but I could easily pop my head up and join in. But I just couldn't. I don't think it's all to do with being scared; it's like I've never developed the ability to think of the right things (and fast enough) to join in. Well, TBH, I haven't! So I just sat there listening. I find that it's most crushing of all when you hear them having a laugh and you weren't included.

I do wonder if I am trying to develop too fast actually. I mean, of the people I work with, a couple are 22, one is my team leader and has recently moved into her own place with a friend, the other lives at home with her mother - but is acting boss while she's away. One is 26, lives in her own place. The other is ~24, has just started working there, has his own place - with his daughter and fiancee (which I appreciate is pretty young).

I know I am 20, but what I am getting at is that I was like this six years ago. At this rate, I'll be like this in six years time.

Everyone is so damn mature!

 

[aj]

On Friday we did some training. Nothing big, just us five going into a room together and going through some things. Not scary at all.

It was weird though, sitting there with them. I felt like some kind of semi-adult. I still feel like a kid but I'm inside the body of a twenty year old. Well, okay, maybe I'm at the tail end of puberty and adolescence. Couldn't that be to blame for this problem? Will it pass in time? Then again, I've never fit in in my entire life. This feeling is not new.

I chatted to the person I said I had on MSN on Thursday, at last. I said sorry for not talking to them in Real Life™ much and that I hope I didn't seem miserable. So at least that's done now. Even if it didn't achieve much in the end. Hopefully it won't seem so odd now if (no, dammit, when ) I ask to go out and do something via the internet when I see them all day every day at work.

Also, the person who started about a month ago already fits in waaaay more than me. I'm now a proper outsider. At least it's not too cliquey.

Edit: Sorry to the couple of people who (I think) just sent me messages. The site's a bit crap and I lost them