(FIRST OF all sorry for the nonsense words that will appear on the test, misspellings or any kind of nonsense, i'll try to make it as easy to read as possible, i'm losing my sanity here but i sitll think it' s important to let people know how bad this is,.i hope this is not the last test i write)
I subscribed on this website a month ago or somethn, i did a biref presentantion, i didntnknow what to say specially on a site like this.. at first i found disappointed that nobody answered but than someone said hi, some otherp eople said hi too, including moderatores and non.moderators, i felt a little bit happier about it. I'm SORRY i never posted anything relevant here because i was very shy and afraid to write anything here, but today i i will write this because it's not very good if you let it untreated (SA).
I'll try to make it as ashort as possible and straight to the point: i suffer SA like a lot of ppl here, but instead of seeking for help because of afraid of going to the doctor and/or ndidn't want to recognize the problem, i went in depression for 3 years. On my first year I got envolved with vide games so i was distracted for a long time, at th second year and half too, but than I got bored of them, and without anything else to do I started having depressing crysis. Ionly live with my mother, she is also very depressive hersself so she couldn't do anything, she went to a psicologist a few tims but she didn't need that much help , i was supposed to go not her, and psicologists are crap anyway ...
Ok, straight to the point:3 or 4 or 5 days ago, i was feeling so sad i tried to suicide and took about 60~70g (4talbets) of Lexotan, Biozepam or something like that, I tought it would kill me but later on i found that the fatal dose was actually 500g and the maximium what would occurr would be coma... I tried to drink a little bit of alcohol because i know that helps a little (in bad way) against antidepressives... Result: I vomited on the floor. My mom woke up she wanted to take me to the hospital but I knew that short amnesia and confusion would be the only things i would get so i said it was no problem (i read a little bit online)... She was sad, and than angry, so angry i felt she didn't want to see me anymore or be my mother so i kept dressing, taking walks, undressing, dresssing agian, taking another walk, at night too... I think the max I was outside was 2-4 hours, trying walk a little, sleep a little outside.
I than came back home, my mom was still angry, so I asked her if she wanted me to go to the army cause i'm still yooung 20y, so she wouldn't see me (only if she wanted on weekends)....we had a little argument in here, and i think she forgive me here..
I had an appointment with the psychiatrist that day, but apparently we got to the wrong clinic, she tried to make me happy with going to afrew restaursnts and we talked a little. i feel very sorry that she has a very terrible and a failure of a son, i haven't slept in 2 days and i want to seep but at the same time i don' t want and i can't i feel very confused and i can't stop crying and i'm tired...... idrunk a bottlhe of redbull so i thini it could helpme concentrate and focus ... like i said we talked but im still very sad and confused and i feel like i want to kill myself again because i don't take any pleasure of anything around me, but i only have anothe bottle of red bufll so i dont think it wil hpapen today.~´
my first psychiatric consult is on 4th octobor so its gonna tkae a long time....
i wasn't crazy like this until i took all those pills but the effect doesnt seem to go away especially sicne i vomited. i don't want to hurt my mother anymore but at day we can talk and go outside, at night, wich is on my country right now, there's nothing to do and i can't stop shaking and crying and i'm tired...
she actually bought me a new computer wich i've been wanting for months before this, but i feel no joy of having it
i'm sorry for wrting this nonsense post but i wantted to let you know my story even if it's stupid and pathetic, everyone has one, and today i wanted to share mine, i think i'm going to urgency clinic right now because i can't sleep and if i don't seleep i'll do something bad...
for the TL
R ppl, SA is no joking matter, treat it as soon as possible, I had it for at least 10 years, wich lead to depression and i lost all my friends due to that because i pushed them back at the time, and with depression you get suicidal toughts that can terminate your life, leave permanent brain/physicall damage or can take your sanity away or make a very bad period of your life.
I'm sorry for writing this post,
Davide.
I subscribed on this website a month ago or somethn, i did a biref presentantion, i didntnknow what to say specially on a site like this.. at first i found disappointed that nobody answered but than someone said hi, some otherp eople said hi too, including moderatores and non.moderators, i felt a little bit happier about it. I'm SORRY i never posted anything relevant here because i was very shy and afraid to write anything here, but today i i will write this because it's not very good if you let it untreated (SA).
I'll try to make it as ashort as possible and straight to the point: i suffer SA like a lot of ppl here, but instead of seeking for help because of afraid of going to the doctor and/or ndidn't want to recognize the problem, i went in depression for 3 years. On my first year I got envolved with vide games so i was distracted for a long time, at th second year and half too, but than I got bored of them, and without anything else to do I started having depressing crysis. Ionly live with my mother, she is also very depressive hersself so she couldn't do anything, she went to a psicologist a few tims but she didn't need that much help , i was supposed to go not her, and psicologists are crap anyway ...
Ok, straight to the point:3 or 4 or 5 days ago, i was feeling so sad i tried to suicide and took about 60~70g (4talbets) of Lexotan, Biozepam or something like that, I tought it would kill me but later on i found that the fatal dose was actually 500g and the maximium what would occurr would be coma... I tried to drink a little bit of alcohol because i know that helps a little (in bad way) against antidepressives... Result: I vomited on the floor. My mom woke up she wanted to take me to the hospital but I knew that short amnesia and confusion would be the only things i would get so i said it was no problem (i read a little bit online)... She was sad, and than angry, so angry i felt she didn't want to see me anymore or be my mother so i kept dressing, taking walks, undressing, dresssing agian, taking another walk, at night too... I think the max I was outside was 2-4 hours, trying walk a little, sleep a little outside.
I than came back home, my mom was still angry, so I asked her if she wanted me to go to the army cause i'm still yooung 20y, so she wouldn't see me (only if she wanted on weekends)....we had a little argument in here, and i think she forgive me here..
I had an appointment with the psychiatrist that day, but apparently we got to the wrong clinic, she tried to make me happy with going to afrew restaursnts and we talked a little. i feel very sorry that she has a very terrible and a failure of a son, i haven't slept in 2 days and i want to seep but at the same time i don' t want and i can't i feel very confused and i can't stop crying and i'm tired...... idrunk a bottlhe of redbull so i thini it could helpme concentrate and focus ... like i said we talked but im still very sad and confused and i feel like i want to kill myself again because i don't take any pleasure of anything around me, but i only have anothe bottle of red bufll so i dont think it wil hpapen today.~´
my first psychiatric consult is on 4th octobor so its gonna tkae a long time....
i wasn't crazy like this until i took all those pills but the effect doesnt seem to go away especially sicne i vomited. i don't want to hurt my mother anymore but at day we can talk and go outside, at night, wich is on my country right now, there's nothing to do and i can't stop shaking and crying and i'm tired...
she actually bought me a new computer wich i've been wanting for months before this, but i feel no joy of having it
i'm sorry for wrting this nonsense post but i wantted to let you know my story even if it's stupid and pathetic, everyone has one, and today i wanted to share mine, i think i'm going to urgency clinic right now because i can't sleep and if i don't seleep i'll do something bad...
for the TL
R ppl, SA is no joking matter, treat it as soon as possible, I had it for at least 10 years, wich lead to depression and i lost all my friends due to that because i pushed them back at the time, and with depression you get suicidal toughts that can terminate your life, leave permanent brain/physicall damage or can take your sanity away or make a very bad period of your life.I'm sorry for writing this post,
Davide.
