lillia
New member
ive suffered from this for about a year now, and its gradually got worse, where it started out as i couldnt go away from my home town, as my first panic attacj was away on holiday with friends. Then it creeped to not being able to eat in restaurants, i could still go out and get taxis home, but then i couldnt leave home without knowing my car was outside and i could leave at anytime. but of course if i wanted to drink this couldnt happen. i got a boyfriend at this time, who was soo supportive. But now i feel its got a bit dangerous, my dependance has fallen on him, so if i want to go out his car is outside and i know he'll leave at anytime for me. And it was great at first. I now (after thinking it was never possible) at uni. but i commute with him. I know if he wasnt there i never could. and although i love him, i often have feelings that i want to be with other people and have fun and crave for the free exciting life i once had. but i know i wouldnt ever leave my house. Im only 19 and feel sooo trapped, its horrendous. I do love him, and i know it is terrible for him, but he doesnt think theres a problem. But if i did end it, i would sacifice university and a lot of my life. I just know i couldnt do soo much more. This is the worst ive ever felt. It feels like im living a lie. and its all down to agrophobia. None of my friends know this, and ive been screaming to let it out. Im not a nasty person, but i feel so. Its incredibly selfish. but i know my life would be nothing otherwise, and unis so important to me. Please help, anyone whose felt anything like this before..as like all my other friends havent a clue and think "oh shes just a bit nervous alot". which im sure you've all experianced.
Anyway, this is now a novel. so if youve managed this far, thankyou for the time, and feel free to leave posts.
Lillia
Anyway, this is now a novel. so if youve managed this far, thankyou for the time, and feel free to leave posts.
Lillia