"Toxic" friendship

[Ome]

There's a certain person in my classroom that started following me around since day 1. He, as I also do, feels that he doesn't have a lot of in common with people around him. He doesn't have a lot of friends, and inside our classroom he only wants to be by my side.

I do like the guy, he can be fun sometimes and we do share some hobbies and interests; the issue and problems outweigh these benefits, though.

He's very disrespectful of authority, he's openly hostile to most people and continuously fights (verbally) for silly, petty things, and he swears quite a lot. I've noticed that his behaviors are "transferring" into me now, especially the swearing (often followed by unnecessary shouting).

I'm becoming (even more!) hostile towards others, and because he's always with me, people around me are starting to think that our personalities are alike.

I want to distance myself from him for a long, long time. I need to get back to just being silent, without all the swearing and yelling, without being seen as the troubled kid's sidekick. I dislike some other behaviors of his, but I won't mention them here, thread's not about attacking him.

What can I do so he stops chasing me? Also, I might need some help getting rid of these bad habits.

What can you suggest for the latter?

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I've had to cut ties with friends before too. Sometimes the friendship just isn't in your best interest-as in your case. Breaking up with a clingy friend, is very hard. You're literally going to have to tell him outright that you need your space-not an easy task. And, you just might have to ignore him-even harder.......I've done both before!

A better approach might be to tell him the truth. That you don't like his behaviors and that he needs to quit cussing and being so hostile or you'll have to end your friendship with him. Be firm about this, let him know that is non-negotiable. He'll either change or get irritated by you and not mind losing you as a friend when you stop speaking to him. Make sure, you change your behavior as well (i.e hostility, profanity).

Not swearing is tough once you've started doing it a lot. The only way to succeed is to stop cold turkey. You might have a slip up now and then, but just stop swearing all together. Words are like paint, when you swear, you're painting a very vulgar view of life. Although, a swear word now and again can serve a useful purpose.

Hope that helps. Good luck!

 

[Asaratte]

Everyone needs someone to talk to. He found that someone in you, so it may be defiicult to get rid of him (had that kind of problem before).
You may act two ways:
1. avoid him, show him you don't like him and hope he will understand ang go away. Best if you find someone else to talk to all the time, just chat.
2. tell him straight what you don't like about him, all that you wrote here. Who knows, maybe he cares enough to try and change a little? If not, just say you don't want to be friends with him.
But be careful, he may turn into an enemy if he feels hurt.

 

[EscapeArtist]

I strongly agree that you should bring it up with said friend. I'mnotmyillness had a great reply.

 

[FallenFeathers]

Despite being shy I was very hostile and even aggressive at school. I didn't have a nice time at home and was shown a lot of hate and I grew up around a lot of conflict rather than warmth and love, so I think that influenced my attitude.

Deep down I was a sensitive caring person, just Im not sure I knew how to show it. My behavior got encouraged and it snowballed and caused me a lot of problems. Most hostility is normally born out of insecurity in young guys I think, or misleading beliefs that it somehow gets you respect

I appreciate your not a social worker lol And I appreciate you have your own problems to deal with, but I agree with what other people have said here, I really wish someone had pulled me to the side and told me to cool it, I hope you think on it anyway.