Too shy to stand up for myself

[fashionista]

One of my second cousins is visiting and I've only met him once before. In the first few days we got along and hung out and I thought he was friendly. Last night he started asking me questions like how many boyfriends have you had, when was your first kiss, and we were laughing at our non-serious conversation and I told him I've never had a boyfriend and that I've had my first kiss. So from that he realised that I've kissed boys who weren't my boyfriend at the time and he started calling me derogatory and hurtful names in a serious way. I was shocked because I didn't know that it was considered bad or promiscuous to have kissed like 2 boys I have known for years, I've never even slept with anyone. We're both seventeen so its not like we're old enough for serious relationships anyway, and its been 3 years since I've kissed anyone. He has gone way past kissing with girls but he justifies this as okay because he was in silly relationships at the time that didn't even last two weeks. Then he started teasing me about not having any friends. I had to move far away from everyone I've ever known because I was attacked at school by some boys and I still managed to make friends in my new town despite this, but now we have recently moved back and I don't want to talk to my old friends because they're not proper friends anyway. We have only been here a month and yet he expects me to have a full circle of new friends already. Then he started teasing me about the fact that I stay in my room alot. I only stay in my room alot because my uncle is very mean and if I sit in the living room he plays strange music uncomfortably loud and makes me upset by insulting me and my mum. I feel like I'm a kind and good-spirited person but I can never stand up for myself in situations like this, I just laugh nervously and hope they'll stop talking. I feel like they will be insulted if I stand up for myself, which is strange because why should I care about the feelings of someone who is purposely hurting mine. But somehow I do. Does anyone have any tips to share/phrases that will shut someone like him up without being overly rude because he might bring it up again over the next few days. I want to stand up for myself without being overly aggressive.

 

[MikeyC]

Tell your cousin that what he's saying is making you uncomfortable. You don't have to yell and you don't have to do it in front of anyone else. There's no reason to be belittled by him.

I would like to believe that he was only joking when he was ribbing you, but it doesn't seem it.

 

[DanBabineau]

What MikeyC said. Your cousin just sounds like a mean person, and that is really no way at all to treat a close relative. I'm guessing that you live under the same roof as him? It sounds like everyone is at least 20 years of age in the household, would it help if you reached out to someone else living in your home about the problem with your cousin? Sometimes having someone close by and supportive makes a world of difference.

 

[SamD]

The reason you won't stand up for yourself is because you're scared of the consequences. Maybe your cousin will shout at you, or notice that you've gone bright red...there's a whole host of 'outcomes' in this situation that you desire to avoid.

You need to think of what the outcomes are that you don't want to happen, and accept in your mind, that they will happen. If you can do that, you'll then feel strong enough to stand up for yourself, since you'll be willing to accept any possible outcome.

What I just advised you should do is the final step that cured my SA.

 

[bigcat1967]

I know you probably heard of this - but just picture yourself standing up for yourself. Be consistent and do this every day. Kick out ALL negative thoughts in your mind and only think about positive ones.