Too shy to stand out

[Maura]

Hello

I hope you all are doing well

For me it is difficult to adapt in social situations because I’m shy around others, I only feel comfortable around my parents and 2 friends.

So People tend to have a wrong perception about myself, because I’m really quiet , they assume I’m a naïve, prudish, or boring.( Neither too much nor too Little).

I don’t have any social skills , and sometimes I feel I’m kind of rude (but I don’t mean it) because I don’t keep a conversation, not easy-going, decline invitations, apathy etc… just because I’m afraid to speak and interact to people even if I like them.

I always say some excuse to not attend social events because I know that I will not to know what to say anyways… It’s like a vicious circle .

I wish to be a little bit more outgoing, so people may get to know who I'm really are.

Have you ever felt this way ?

 

[Sourgirl]

yes for sure. people think i'm stuck up or rude which i'm not, especially in the workplace or social situations. everytime i go to boyfriend's house i don't say hi to his parents because i'm super shy so they think i'm being rude and disrespectful. i'm only outgoing around my boyfriend. i know where your coming from.

 

[Graeme1988]

Hi Maura

It's definitely a vicious circle. I've felt this way for much of my life. So I can definitely relate to everything you've said. Though, with me the perception is that I'm a very cold, anti-social person. Which doesn't exactly make me feel good about myself.

I don't mean to be that way. It's just, I've always felt very much like an outsider, as if I don't belong. Also, feeling like I have to live up other people's expecations or this slightly false idea that I'm always witty, and up for a laugh.

I'd love to as confident and out-going as those around me, like my family. I'd love not to have worry and really think before opening my mouth to speak. And not completely freak and have my brain: "I'm away, yer on yer own" Not having this constant critical voice in the back of my head bringing me down.

Definitely think if I was more confident in nd of myself and not constantly doubting everything I say and do, I wouldn't feel like this.

Sorry, I know I'm probably not helping ye any. But yer certainly not the only one who's feeling this way or going through the same feelings of awkwardness in social situations.

 

[Bronson99]

I think you found the right place.

I feel this way at least 95% of the time, haha...

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

Yeah right place for us prudish boring stuck up ppl eh

People don't get the SA thing. Quiet shy people often mistaken as this. It's annoying. But more so because we don't WANT to be that way or come off aloof or "serious"/stuck up, or else we'd not care if we were or that others may think that.

Best thing is not avoiding it and accepting - even if we come off this way. It's hard I still make excuses esp if it's sudden events - I'm bad at spontaneous I need "time" to prepare haha. It's easier to get in that avoidance mode.

BUT - being more outgoing is step by step process - you have to expose self. I've had setbacks - but trying again when out with people - realize I have within me certain out going qualities but I also just will never be the "life of party" or even always engaging, I've accepted my minds slow heh - but I can still enjoy being out with ppl realizing:

1.) We are our own harshest critics AND often imagine what's not there meaning: we assume ppl think this or that about us. Often ppl are too much into their own stuff to think how WE are or aren't. And - lifes too short to care what everyone thinks esp strangers/friends of friends because:

2.) Won't gel with everyone. So those that matter most thrive off that, if ppl don't like you, or you think that because we think we come off a certain way, screw 'em

3.) Get OUT of our HEADS We have to try to be present in the moment - we always are tuned into the white noise of our own thoughts or negative thoughts. It's constant negative and assumptions of how ppl think about us in moment. Lots of times we don't listen to OTHERS because we are inward with ourselves. Even if have nothing to add to a topic because we aren't familiar with it. That's fine we shouldn't struggle with that.

4.) BUT say something when you do have something to say - too often I'll not say something when I DO have something to say/etc. That's tough. But little by little I force myself to say one thing. More you do that, more you'll do that and less doubt you'll have. It's just hard to do initially.

Anyways idk if that helps I'm still struggling through this too, and may not be writing my thoughts clearly but if we WANT to be more outgoing we have to be aware and accept certain things we arent and may never be and realize thats fine! It's hard to accept some things. We can't be so focused on what we aren't tho OR what others think. It's easier said than done a big long process.

 

[Crankor]

Being shy does make you stand out but just not the way you want it too haha. Funny how people so easily make assumptions about shy people and never bother to interact with them 90% of the time. Goes along with the point that most people are only interested in having acquaintances over friends and then think the acquaintances are their friends.