Whoopdeedoo
Well-known member
I have had many truths revealed to me this year in solace in reflection.
The most difficult to swallow is that many of my problems are of my own making. Great strides of awareness bring forth the realiity of effort and change that must occur if I want my relationships and my life to be different.
Putting aside others was a necessary part of my journey in that my codependent nature would. focus on others to ellude me from myself..
I also had to resist the temptation to part take in substance use or abuse to numb my feelings or distort my thought processes. I have long known how I was trained to accept the least and worst for myself ,to expect nothing and accept what I got. I now see that that path of least resistance has gotton me to where I am. I also see now how hung up on ideals I had become. But my ideals have very little to do with reality .f For no matter how hard I try or wish to make my ideals come to life I can only bring them forth in myself. I cannot change others. People are who they are and do what they get away with and treat you as hou expect to be treated and if you expect nothing and let them get away with anything thats surely a formula for great disappointment.
I started to look at my relationships in new terms this year.. I began to ask the dangerous question ...whats in this for me? What do I get out of this? Does it benefit me? Is it healthy? And I found that many of them upon refection were quite one sided. I started to put distance between myself and others and got some interesting reactions as my absence began to be felt..
I learned that its up to me to decide how close I want to be to someone or if in fact I even wanted them in my life.. I parted ways with many people this year and did indicate to them in great detail with examples of particular incidents that occurred between us exactly whyI strayed.. Which gave them a choice to change their behavior and view of me or just go away.
My regret is that I let things build up to the point of resentment.
If I had placed limits, boundries and preferences as situations arised
Perhaps I couldve saved these relationships. My lack of effort made others feel that their behavior was acceptable when in fact for the most part it was self centered and selfish. So I guess I learned that I was responsible for allowing others to take advantage of me and take me for granted.
Chances are that these people picked me because they saw me as an easy target to manipulate. I cant fix that. But I have learned I am responsible to set people straight right away with regards to whats permissable and acceptable behavior.
Im learning everyday
And practicing new found principals
I hope this helps someone
The most difficult to swallow is that many of my problems are of my own making. Great strides of awareness bring forth the realiity of effort and change that must occur if I want my relationships and my life to be different.
Putting aside others was a necessary part of my journey in that my codependent nature would. focus on others to ellude me from myself..
I also had to resist the temptation to part take in substance use or abuse to numb my feelings or distort my thought processes. I have long known how I was trained to accept the least and worst for myself ,to expect nothing and accept what I got. I now see that that path of least resistance has gotton me to where I am. I also see now how hung up on ideals I had become. But my ideals have very little to do with reality .f For no matter how hard I try or wish to make my ideals come to life I can only bring them forth in myself. I cannot change others. People are who they are and do what they get away with and treat you as hou expect to be treated and if you expect nothing and let them get away with anything thats surely a formula for great disappointment.
I started to look at my relationships in new terms this year.. I began to ask the dangerous question ...whats in this for me? What do I get out of this? Does it benefit me? Is it healthy? And I found that many of them upon refection were quite one sided. I started to put distance between myself and others and got some interesting reactions as my absence began to be felt..
I learned that its up to me to decide how close I want to be to someone or if in fact I even wanted them in my life.. I parted ways with many people this year and did indicate to them in great detail with examples of particular incidents that occurred between us exactly whyI strayed.. Which gave them a choice to change their behavior and view of me or just go away.
My regret is that I let things build up to the point of resentment.
If I had placed limits, boundries and preferences as situations arised
Perhaps I couldve saved these relationships. My lack of effort made others feel that their behavior was acceptable when in fact for the most part it was self centered and selfish. So I guess I learned that I was responsible for allowing others to take advantage of me and take me for granted.
Chances are that these people picked me because they saw me as an easy target to manipulate. I cant fix that. But I have learned I am responsible to set people straight right away with regards to whats permissable and acceptable behavior.
Im learning everyday
And practicing new found principals
I hope this helps someone