Too much self-criticised?

[very_shy]

Hi all. It is my first post to the forum - I have put it here although it deals also with some shyness and SA matters.

I am 24 years old guy, currently finishing study at the university. I must say my grades are successful. However, when talking about my other, "non-scholar" type of life, it seems to be dead or non-existing.
Most of my time I spend at home, hanging with my parents, computer, books... It seems I have almost nothing with common with my "friends" anymore. When we were younger, we were playing football,, social games, you know, etc. Now we are older and it seems like a norm or dogma that these "home" activities were replaced my others - e.g. going out at night etc... Well I guess my shyness and unwilingness to transform to that "style"cost me almost 1 friend, finding its own company... The thing is I do not even bother about it...
Not to mention the fact that I have never had a girlfriend, not even close... I started then thinking about me. Although all people say I am nice person, eager to help other colleagues (especially at school, of course, when they "need" me), I have been more and more focusing on my negative sides, like shyness, unwilingness to go out (when my classes ended I rushed home to catch my bus-yes I don't even have a driving license), even for a drink (I become nervous because of social hobia,I think) etc. Also I have a minor "bug", while my left eye is started to be "cross-eyed"ie going little to the left, so now I am wearing Fresnel prismas in order to correct it (however the success is not guaranteed) , so now I have been worrying even about this, thinking that that last thing would, like I say, "seal my fate" I go that far I consider this the end of our family tree etc. For example, when I see some beautiful girl, I am ashamed of myself, put my head down just not to look her, while falling in depression of my negative characteristics, thus starting criticising myself again and again.

So far, I can live with that, however some day I would like to see if I am capable of reaching some wind of change...
So, any opinions, thoughts? Am I too much dealing with self-criticism? Too much pesimism? Or am I being just honest? How would you deal with it?

Best wishes to all

 

[emmdee]

Way too much self-critism. When you find the right girl, she's not going to give a crap about the eye.
But if there is some way you could heal that, i would say go for it. Not because i'm shallow and think you look ugly (which i'm betting you're not ugly at all!), but because it will give you that extra boost of confidence that someone with social anxiety desperately needs.
Have you tried therapy? It's supposed to really help. =]

 

[very_shy]

Hi. Yes, for the last few years I have also tried some therapy, usually based on conversations with psyhologist, and coping with duties. I was considered too much pessimistic, however the tests indicate that I did improve recently. However I was told my "progress" is a little bit slow so the big steps seem yet to await me...

 

[emmdee]

Well...do the big steps little by little. Try them on your own. I don't know what is considered 'big' for you, or what you get anxious about...but i'm going to give an example.

Tomorrow, try going out the mall and asking a salesperson for help, or try calling someone you haven't talked to in a while. Next month, try going out for a quick drink with friends, leaving right after. Continue this ritual, go out for drinks with friends whenever you feel up to it (just make sure you do it! Don't rush and expect too much of yourself either...it's a difficult process and everyone learns at a different pace), allowing yourself to stay five minutes longer than the last time. Try hitting a nightclub if you're up to it, after a few months...

Well you get my point. Try things like that, begin with the small things that cause your anxiety first and work your way up to the big things. Maybe that will speed up progress?

Hope i helped a bit =]