Tired of feeling half human

[marleysghost]

I have suffered from extremely low self esteem since childhood. I believe a huge part of this was growing up as an only child and that I blame myself for the circumstances involved. When I found out the details I was about 7 yrs old at a family reunion. I was pretty much told that I was very fortunate as I was lucky to be alive since i wasnt expected to survive. However I read negatively into this and felt less about myself. this continues to haunt me to this day as I have obsessed over these circumstances. It has strained every relationship that I have bee involved in as I don't like to be touched and feel extremely self conscious about me as a person. I feel more as a machine than a human being. Just felt the need to get this off my chest... Thanks for listening

 

[HappySquidward]

Hate being touched, self conscious, doesn't feel human. Trust me, your not the only one. I can relate.

Sorry, if you read this post before I edited it. That wasn't what I mean't to post, and it sounded kinda mean.

 

[marleysghost]

No problem, thanks for taking the time to listen

 

[Amitush123]

I share your pain, I often spend my entire day avoiding any form of human contact, and cry in the night because no one talks to me..be strong!

 

[marleysghost]

Thanks it's nice to know you're not alone but it can be debilitating to go throug life like this, despite all the rational thinking that one can apply to their situation it seems like we are prisoners due to this disorder, I know I didn't ask to live like this but no matter how hard I try it is very hard to suppress such obsessive thoughts and the compulsions that follow

 

[Amitush123]

Thanks it's nice to know you're not alone but it can be debilitating to go throug life like this, despite all the rational thinking that one can apply to their situation it seems like we are prisoners due to this disorder, I know I didn't ask to live like this but no matter how hard I try it is very hard to suppress such obsessive thoughts and the compulsions that follow

It does not have to be that way. Have you ever considered professional help? it may assist you with tools to manage such situation. Besides, talking to someone about it beats keeping it in your stomach anytime

 

[marleysghost]

I have been looking into this Amitush123, I guess it's the embarrassment of telling a professional face to face about ones hang ups, insecurities, the obsessions that have been replayed over and over...but you're right it does feel better letting it out, especially after keeping and fighting by myself for so many years

 

[kimberme]

I never feel normal... half human is a good way to describe how some of us feel... I work have a few friends but I get denied promotions because I am half human.. constantly hearing I am not confident... really 8 interviews and here I stand with a college degree and nothing to show for it....thank u for sharing your story... it helps me to know that others fight this same fight. Good luck.. chin up and keep using that great insight you have!

 

[MotherWolff]

I share your pain, I often spend my entire day avoiding any form of human contact, and cry in the night because no one talks to me..be strong!

Isn't that a HUGE contradiction, there?

MotherWolff and many others on this website feel this way as well. But why? Shouldn't we want one or the other? Its very strange actually.

 

[Amitush123]

Isn't that a HUGE contradiction, there?

MotherWolff and many others on this website feel this way as well. But why? Shouldn't we want one or the other? Its very strange actually.

It is..I do not like being alone, but prefer to have no close friends because of the maintenance it requires..I want to have a girlfriend, but 1) I am ugly 2) I feel shackled in a relationship..we humans are quite complicated, isn't it so?

 

[MotherWolff]

No, Amitush, no one is ugly. Of course you think your ugly because of your low-self esteem. But this is not so. And of course you feel trapped in relationships. That's probably why I never ever had a boyfriend. That's why we've got to change our thinking and apply that to everyday life. MotherWolff believes in you, Amitush! You can do it! Everyone on SPW can!

And yeah, humans are EXTREMELY complicated. Sometimes, I really wish that I were a wolf instead.::

 

[Amitush123]

No, Amitush, no one is ugly. Of course you think your ugly because of your low-self esteem. But this is not so. And of course you feel trapped in relationships. That's probably why I never ever had a boyfriend. That's why we've got to change our thinking and apply that to everyday life. MotherWolff believe in you, Amitush! You can do it! Everyone on SPW can!

And yeah, humans are EXTREMELY complicated. Sometimes, I really wish that I were a wolf instead.

The question is, can we really change the way we think?
Every night, before falling asleep, I tell myself that the next day I will approach that beautiful girl I always keep my distance from and tell her how beautiful I Think she is..and every following day I fail to keep my promise..it is a very tiring cycle.