roadkilldeadahead
Member
Well i signed um but that doesnt mean anything.
I signed the divorce papers on tuesday. I help back every emotion that came to me at the time. I didn't want him to get any impression of guilt or that he was making a mistake. I didn't want a divorce but unfortunetly have no choice if we can't live together. I need his help to survive (child support). They were pretty basic and exactly what i wanted. He actually said "YES" as i was signing them like he was winning a prize or something at the end. That hurt alot... I should have probably told him that he cannot recind the child support thing but if nesseary i can get emergency custody of our unborn daughter.. Those were the two things that were backwards that i think he thinks he's winning on. He's not... I was stressed out afterwards but kept it together enough that day to get the kids to bed. After which i completely lost it. I couldn't stop crying...all my family called me and i couldn't stop even with them on the phone. My neighbor gave me a hug which helped but made it so worse cause i have never really balled in front of her. I grabbed my bible and it gave me some hope. I read one of my favorite scriptures that i usually read everytime ruben pisses me off ...it's in proverbs. I wish he could have waited until the baby was born because i am an emotional nightmare as it is and then to have to go through this empty feeling on top of that was even worse. I don't think that man realizes that i have it bad too. I don't want him too anyways. It hurts bad enough as it is and letting him know as little as possible about my life keeps the distance between us at a manageble level. I am so tired of wanting him so bad and feeling hurt and confused all the time. Some things are starting to make sense but i can't believe them yet. If i did that would be the end of the denial and barganing stage and the begining of depression. I can't get depressed right now because i don't have time to. I don't want to grieve anymore. I don't to care what he thinks about me anymore. He doesnt deserve that privlidge. Well other than that i'm pretty sure Jen hates me...Rightfully so i guess... Ive been tring to prevent that for so long and to be honest it's not in my best interest to care what she thinks of me either. Its time for me to live my own life without fear remorse or regret..... Well i'll post on monday cuz i have no way of getting a babysitter tomarrow...
I signed the divorce papers on tuesday. I help back every emotion that came to me at the time. I didn't want him to get any impression of guilt or that he was making a mistake. I didn't want a divorce but unfortunetly have no choice if we can't live together. I need his help to survive (child support). They were pretty basic and exactly what i wanted. He actually said "YES" as i was signing them like he was winning a prize or something at the end. That hurt alot... I should have probably told him that he cannot recind the child support thing but if nesseary i can get emergency custody of our unborn daughter.. Those were the two things that were backwards that i think he thinks he's winning on. He's not... I was stressed out afterwards but kept it together enough that day to get the kids to bed. After which i completely lost it. I couldn't stop crying...all my family called me and i couldn't stop even with them on the phone. My neighbor gave me a hug which helped but made it so worse cause i have never really balled in front of her. I grabbed my bible and it gave me some hope. I read one of my favorite scriptures that i usually read everytime ruben pisses me off ...it's in proverbs. I wish he could have waited until the baby was born because i am an emotional nightmare as it is and then to have to go through this empty feeling on top of that was even worse. I don't think that man realizes that i have it bad too. I don't want him too anyways. It hurts bad enough as it is and letting him know as little as possible about my life keeps the distance between us at a manageble level. I am so tired of wanting him so bad and feeling hurt and confused all the time. Some things are starting to make sense but i can't believe them yet. If i did that would be the end of the denial and barganing stage and the begining of depression. I can't get depressed right now because i don't have time to. I don't want to grieve anymore. I don't to care what he thinks about me anymore. He doesnt deserve that privlidge. Well other than that i'm pretty sure Jen hates me...Rightfully so i guess... Ive been tring to prevent that for so long and to be honest it's not in my best interest to care what she thinks of me either. Its time for me to live my own life without fear remorse or regret..... Well i'll post on monday cuz i have no way of getting a babysitter tomarrow...
