I have taken an honest evaluation of my past, and how I got where I am today. I was a happy teenager a few years ago, before my first hospitalization for obsessive violent thoughts. For some reason, I have felt like a bad person from the age of 17...over thoughts. I didn't get where I am overnight; it was actually a self-defeating cycle that progressed over 5+ years. My thoughts changed from impulsive violent thoughts of pushing people in front of vehicles to being 23 and thinking i'm a pedophile. It's always a ****ing self-defeating "affliction" I have, never allowing me to be happy. Judgement from others concerning my impulsive decisions or awkward behavior only reinforces my doubts about myself. I'm just a weak, confused person. I'm starting to realize these new thoughts are just as pointless as my violent thoughts, which I recovered from 100%. The mind is a powerful tool, and somehow I managed to paint myself in a corner letting these thoughts control me.