dpr
Well-known member
Hi, I am new to this website. I did a search on my fear but I think I am somewhat different with my fear than some of you who have OCD.
I have been seeing a psychologist for a few years for social phobia. We have been doing cognitive therapy and it has helped me somewhat.
I have intrusive thoughts on a regular basis about my girlfriend being raped, humiliated, kidnapped or killed. I have regular worries also about my brother. I usually imagine him getting into a fight with someone and being killed or ending up in hospital, or jumped by a group of guys or something along those lines.
A friend sent me a link today about this disgusting fad in japan called "sharking," where guys in disguise go up to random girls on the street and pull their tops or pants down and film it. basically, they videotape themselves sexually assaulting women. I tried the rest of the day to get this scene out of my head of someone doing it to my girlfriend, and I just can't.
Usually I feel angry and helpless that I can't do anything to help my girlfriend (even though nothing has really happened to her, I feel like it has since I have these thoughts so often). It makes me sick to my stomach.
I sometimes have revenge fantasies, imagining how I would hurt or kill the imaginary enemies who harmed my girlfriend or brother. Sometimes these fantasies make me feel better, but most of the time they don't.
I avoid watching or listening to any sort of news program because whatever horrible story they report, my mind will "use it" to make me think about bad things happening to my loved ones.
I am a martial artist and have taken different types of martial arts and while I would still be afraid for myself were I to get in a fight with someone, it would be nothing compared to the fear I feel everyday imagining my girlfriend being attacked. At times, I have suggested she join me at our gym and learn a martial art, in hopes that if she knew how to defend herself my fear would be alleviated. But then I started worrying about her getting hurt while training. (i.e. "What if she gets hit in the face and falls down the wrong way on the mats and ends up paralyzed.")
Most people with OCD who have intrusive thoughts seem to also have accompanying "rituals" that they do. Like, they have to pick up a glass with their right hand, because if they pick it up with the left hand their girlfriend will be raped. But I don't have that. I don't engage in any rituals, though I did have a few "light-switching" rituals when I was much younger.
I sometimes also have thoughts of harming animals, though I never have and don't think I ever would. I have a cat who I love and actually go to great lengths obsessing over to make sure she is safe (i.e. checking to make sure she is not in the dryer or oven or microwave when I close them, even though I am definitely sure she did not crawl in).
I don't know if what I have is OCD. But I think whatever I have, it is ruining my life.
I think of suicide sometimes. I don't like thinking about it, but sometimes it seems like it would be the only way to escape these thoughts for good.
My therapist does not really understand my thoughts.
I have been seeing a psychologist for a few years for social phobia. We have been doing cognitive therapy and it has helped me somewhat.
I have intrusive thoughts on a regular basis about my girlfriend being raped, humiliated, kidnapped or killed. I have regular worries also about my brother. I usually imagine him getting into a fight with someone and being killed or ending up in hospital, or jumped by a group of guys or something along those lines.
A friend sent me a link today about this disgusting fad in japan called "sharking," where guys in disguise go up to random girls on the street and pull their tops or pants down and film it. basically, they videotape themselves sexually assaulting women. I tried the rest of the day to get this scene out of my head of someone doing it to my girlfriend, and I just can't.
Usually I feel angry and helpless that I can't do anything to help my girlfriend (even though nothing has really happened to her, I feel like it has since I have these thoughts so often). It makes me sick to my stomach.
I sometimes have revenge fantasies, imagining how I would hurt or kill the imaginary enemies who harmed my girlfriend or brother. Sometimes these fantasies make me feel better, but most of the time they don't.
I avoid watching or listening to any sort of news program because whatever horrible story they report, my mind will "use it" to make me think about bad things happening to my loved ones.
I am a martial artist and have taken different types of martial arts and while I would still be afraid for myself were I to get in a fight with someone, it would be nothing compared to the fear I feel everyday imagining my girlfriend being attacked. At times, I have suggested she join me at our gym and learn a martial art, in hopes that if she knew how to defend herself my fear would be alleviated. But then I started worrying about her getting hurt while training. (i.e. "What if she gets hit in the face and falls down the wrong way on the mats and ends up paralyzed.")
Most people with OCD who have intrusive thoughts seem to also have accompanying "rituals" that they do. Like, they have to pick up a glass with their right hand, because if they pick it up with the left hand their girlfriend will be raped. But I don't have that. I don't engage in any rituals, though I did have a few "light-switching" rituals when I was much younger.
I sometimes also have thoughts of harming animals, though I never have and don't think I ever would. I have a cat who I love and actually go to great lengths obsessing over to make sure she is safe (i.e. checking to make sure she is not in the dryer or oven or microwave when I close them, even though I am definitely sure she did not crawl in).
I don't know if what I have is OCD. But I think whatever I have, it is ruining my life.
I think of suicide sometimes. I don't like thinking about it, but sometimes it seems like it would be the only way to escape these thoughts for good.
My therapist does not really understand my thoughts.