thoughts about girlfriend, brother being harmed or killed

[dpr]

Hi, I am new to this website. I did a search on my fear but I think I am somewhat different with my fear than some of you who have OCD.

I have been seeing a psychologist for a few years for social phobia. We have been doing cognitive therapy and it has helped me somewhat.

I have intrusive thoughts on a regular basis about my girlfriend being raped, humiliated, kidnapped or killed. I have regular worries also about my brother. I usually imagine him getting into a fight with someone and being killed or ending up in hospital, or jumped by a group of guys or something along those lines.

A friend sent me a link today about this disgusting fad in japan called "sharking," where guys in disguise go up to random girls on the street and pull their tops or pants down and film it. basically, they videotape themselves sexually assaulting women. I tried the rest of the day to get this scene out of my head of someone doing it to my girlfriend, and I just can't.

Usually I feel angry and helpless that I can't do anything to help my girlfriend (even though nothing has really happened to her, I feel like it has since I have these thoughts so often). It makes me sick to my stomach.

I sometimes have revenge fantasies, imagining how I would hurt or kill the imaginary enemies who harmed my girlfriend or brother. Sometimes these fantasies make me feel better, but most of the time they don't.

I avoid watching or listening to any sort of news program because whatever horrible story they report, my mind will "use it" to make me think about bad things happening to my loved ones.

I am a martial artist and have taken different types of martial arts and while I would still be afraid for myself were I to get in a fight with someone, it would be nothing compared to the fear I feel everyday imagining my girlfriend being attacked. At times, I have suggested she join me at our gym and learn a martial art, in hopes that if she knew how to defend herself my fear would be alleviated. But then I started worrying about her getting hurt while training. (i.e. "What if she gets hit in the face and falls down the wrong way on the mats and ends up paralyzed.")

Most people with OCD who have intrusive thoughts seem to also have accompanying "rituals" that they do. Like, they have to pick up a glass with their right hand, because if they pick it up with the left hand their girlfriend will be raped. But I don't have that. I don't engage in any rituals, though I did have a few "light-switching" rituals when I was much younger.

I sometimes also have thoughts of harming animals, though I never have and don't think I ever would. I have a cat who I love and actually go to great lengths obsessing over to make sure she is safe (i.e. checking to make sure she is not in the dryer or oven or microwave when I close them, even though I am definitely sure she did not crawl in).

I don't know if what I have is OCD. But I think whatever I have, it is ruining my life.

I think of suicide sometimes. I don't like thinking about it, but sometimes it seems like it would be the only way to escape these thoughts for good.

My therapist does not really understand my thoughts.

 

[Musicocd]

There is a form of ocd that is without rituals. It's called 'Pure-O'. Do an internet search on it, 'Pure-O ocd' or something like that, because what you describe sounds exactly like pure-o to me.

 

[Sponglewang]

Sounds like OCD to me man but fear not for u are not alone...

What you've described sounds very similar to my OCD although I do ritulize.

I used to have the horrible sex and rape thoughts and thinking that it would happen to my loved ones and I also had revenge fantasy type ones aswell.
It dosent mean u r depraved as I know I am not I just can't stop thinking about something that I don't want to think about.
To me rape and sexual assault are the worst things someone can do to another person hence why I think about it even though I don't want to.

I think this is just the nature of the OCD beast and while it sucks big time it can be controlled to some degree but try not to worry that u r depraved cos if u were u would be DOING these things not thinking them. Also it's not like ur thinking it and getting off on it you're thinking it and then feeling bad that such thoughts have entered your head which is a sign that your not sexually depraved I reckon.

Sorry if I crapped on a bit this just hits a little close to home for me but dude... I know how u feel

 

[dpr]

Sounds like OCD to me man but fear not for u are not alone...

What you've described sounds very similar to my OCD although I do ritulize.

I used to have the horrible sex and rape thoughts and thinking that it would happen to my loved ones and I also had revenge fantasy type ones aswell.
It dosent mean u r depraved as I know I am not I just can't stop thinking about something that I don't want to think about.
To me rape and sexual assault are the worst things someone can do to another person hence why I think about it even though I don't want to.

I think this is just the nature of the OCD beast and while it sucks big time it can be controlled to some degree but try not to worry that u r depraved cos if u were u would be DOING these things not thinking them. Also it's not like ur thinking it and getting off on it you're thinking it and then feeling bad that such thoughts have entered your head which is a sign that your not sexually depraved I reckon.

Sorry if I crapped on a bit this just hits a little close to home for me but dude... I know how u feel

Thanks for the reply man. I don't feel depraved at all, rather I feel scared and anxious and helpless. I think I just dwell on the fact that terrible things like this COULD happen, and I hate that possibility and I just kind of dwell on that fact. My friends and family just say I'm "worrying" but I think it's more than that.

And no problem man, I am the king of crapping on ever since I found this forum.

 

[meme]

dpr,

that's awful. i get horrible thoughts about bad things happening too and it just tears me up. i just read a book called "Tormenting thoughts and secret rituals" by ian osborn. its written by a psychologist with ocd about what ocd really is and what family could and should do to help. also, stuff not to do and things like that. im not doing so well therapy wise, but this cbook really helped. one thing to know is that fantasy or obsessions are in your mind and the mind is a safe place, meaning that you can think something and it doesnt mean its going to happen. its like seeing a gun on the table, just because its there doesnt mean you have to shoot it. good luck.

 

[oXyKevn]

is there a "test" or a real way to diagnose OCD? i mean even by a doctor how can they determine, and i thought i was so unique. i check the dryer constantly to make sure my cat didn't crawl in there, when walking on tile i dont touch the lines, i wash my hands often, and i have HORRIBLE thoughts, and sometimes have to do certain things to rid my mind of them, im guessing i have OCD? is there treatment? i also have severe panic disorder and live on oxycontin and valium.......i have 2 beautiful kids and a wife that i cannot risk losing......upside being im not alone i suppose....

 

[dpr]

is there a "test" or a real way to diagnose OCD? i mean even by a doctor how can they determine, and i thought i was so unique. i check the dryer constantly to make sure my cat didn't crawl in there, when walking on tile i dont touch the lines, i wash my hands often, and i have HORRIBLE thoughts, and sometimes have to do certain things to rid my mind of them, im guessing i have OCD? is there treatment? i also have severe panic disorder and live on oxycontin and valium.......i have 2 beautiful kids and a wife that i cannot risk losing......upside being im not alone i suppose....

Hey oxykevn, well my therapist just asked me a bunch of questions to determine my "OCDness."

He asked stuff like "do you ever feel the urge to drive off a cliff or push someone in front of a car" and "do you ever have sexual fantasies about people who repulse you?" and of course asked me about rituals.

A lot of these I said no too, but a few I answered yes. This "test" coupled with my initial stories led him to determine I may have a mild form of OCD. We're doing CBT right now, and it's working I guess. But it's scary and uncomfortable.

I hope you get through it and someday get off those drugs. I can't stand meds, personally.

 

[dpr]

dpr,

that's awful. i get horrible thoughts about bad things happening too and it just tears me up. i just read a book called "Tormenting thoughts and secret rituals" by ian osborn. its written by a psychologist with ocd about what ocd really is and what family could and should do to help. also, stuff not to do and things like that. im not doing so well therapy wise, but this cbook really helped. one thing to know is that fantasy or obsessions are in your mind and the mind is a safe place, meaning that you can think something and it doesnt mean its going to happen. its like seeing a gun on the table, just because its there doesnt mean you have to shoot it. good luck.

thanks for the reply meme, i'm going to check that book out. Why isn't therapy going well? My CBT with my therapist is going okay.

 

[meme]

well, i had 8 sessions of therapy (allowed 8 sessions per year through school ins.) and it was going ok. my sessions ended and i tried group but it wasnt my thing. i tried doing excercises i learned from cbt at home, but its a slow ordeal. i just didnt feel like im making progress, but then again, its not like im actually going to see someone each week, though that would be nice. im also too afraid to take SSRIs so im just taking things one day at a time. but, aside from what's not working, what is is acceptance and family support. i hope you find some helpful stuff in that book!