Gustopher
Member
when its dark outside, i can walk with my head up and not worry about a thing.
when its busy and daylight i cannot look up, i wont even use crosswalks cause of the thought of people looking at me. i know its stupid cause i think about it after but its different when its actually happening.
at work im around alot of people, and everybody there seems fine and im easily an outcast. i cannot look people in the eyes at all and when i try to it lasts a few seconds and my eyes dart away. this makes me feel as if people see me as inferior, i also cannot handle performing infront of others.
even meeting with friends, still i get the sinking stomach and pounding heartbeat. In school i made it to grade 10 where i couldnt even handle it and ended up dropping out. sometimes i would even just sit in the bathroom and listen to my music just to skip thru the day and avoid people. i wouldnt even find this boring thats the funny part.
i remember being like this all my life, my brother says when i was really young, grade 1 so 6 or something that i would just stand at school in the corner and stare at the wall. i stay away from the outside world, i have 4 days off a week and i sit on my computer 10 hours a day, and i have no problem with it which is whats starting to bother me. i dont know if i'll end up going psychotic one day or what. im only 19 and somedays my mind just feels weak, i have alot of hate
i cannot handle my emotions, i rarely lose my cool, ever.
but for example, a co-worker of mine spoke to me in a way that i found disrespectful and i unfortunately lost my cool. and when this happens i turn red, not just blushing but blood red, my jaw shakes when i try to talk and my hands do aswell, my eyes feel watery and i sweat like hell, i feel like i could just go insane and start smashing people, i sort of feel high on adrenaline.
of course i do have my up days, where i feel great. im usually comfortable and can act myself around my roommates. whom are few that truely see that side of me. and literally a couple other people in my life.
i feel like i have multiple personalities sometimes
feel free to share/comment, thanks
when its busy and daylight i cannot look up, i wont even use crosswalks cause of the thought of people looking at me. i know its stupid cause i think about it after but its different when its actually happening.
at work im around alot of people, and everybody there seems fine and im easily an outcast. i cannot look people in the eyes at all and when i try to it lasts a few seconds and my eyes dart away. this makes me feel as if people see me as inferior, i also cannot handle performing infront of others.
even meeting with friends, still i get the sinking stomach and pounding heartbeat. In school i made it to grade 10 where i couldnt even handle it and ended up dropping out. sometimes i would even just sit in the bathroom and listen to my music just to skip thru the day and avoid people. i wouldnt even find this boring thats the funny part.
i remember being like this all my life, my brother says when i was really young, grade 1 so 6 or something that i would just stand at school in the corner and stare at the wall. i stay away from the outside world, i have 4 days off a week and i sit on my computer 10 hours a day, and i have no problem with it which is whats starting to bother me. i dont know if i'll end up going psychotic one day or what. im only 19 and somedays my mind just feels weak, i have alot of hate
i cannot handle my emotions, i rarely lose my cool, ever.
but for example, a co-worker of mine spoke to me in a way that i found disrespectful and i unfortunately lost my cool. and when this happens i turn red, not just blushing but blood red, my jaw shakes when i try to talk and my hands do aswell, my eyes feel watery and i sweat like hell, i feel like i could just go insane and start smashing people, i sort of feel high on adrenaline.
of course i do have my up days, where i feel great. im usually comfortable and can act myself around my roommates. whom are few that truely see that side of me. and literally a couple other people in my life.
i feel like i have multiple personalities sometimes
feel free to share/comment, thanks
