IceNerveshatter
Active member
I've been having more suicidal thoughts. I try so hard to fit into this world and I can't do it. I can't keep a job, I can't afford my rent, I can't afford food, my band is going nowhere, I can't keep a girl around for more than a week, and I don't know what else to do.
It doesn't matter how many friends I have in the real world if not a single one of them understands how I feel. I want to channel all of this fear into rage and perhaps even something more constructive--but now I just feel lonely and defeated. This world is frightening and complicated to me and I see it falling apart around me.
This really isn't the first time I've thought about filling my lungs with carbon monoxide, but it's fucked up when I think of it as a logical solution to my problem.
Nothing else works--drugs, alcohol, sex, food--they're just distractions from the big empty picture of life. There's no meaning other than to exist--I'm OK with that. I know things could get better, but I know that will never last.
It doesn't matter how many friends I have in the real world if not a single one of them understands how I feel. I want to channel all of this fear into rage and perhaps even something more constructive--but now I just feel lonely and defeated. This world is frightening and complicated to me and I see it falling apart around me.
This really isn't the first time I've thought about filling my lungs with carbon monoxide, but it's fucked up when I think of it as a logical solution to my problem.
Nothing else works--drugs, alcohol, sex, food--they're just distractions from the big empty picture of life. There's no meaning other than to exist--I'm OK with that. I know things could get better, but I know that will never last.