Third time asking... cause first two times = 0 replies

[Dronee]

I've asked this twice before... but no one has responded at all... kind of a real let down for me. Anyway, the situation is that I'll be conscripted again in a few months and they'll be placing me as one of the commanders again. It shouldn't be more than 50 men under my charge.

I'm a marksman as was last tested, but problem is that I've a fear of firearms and especially the sounds it make. Yeah.. I know. Weird that a marksman can be afraid of firearms and vice versa. But I mostly just keep the fear down and swallow it even though my heart often feels like it's exploding.

I'm also not good at leading people. I'm horrible at it in fact. Reprimanding and screaming at others, maintaining discipline... etc... I'm no good at them. More problematic is my chronic insomnia. The last time I was called upon to 'serve the nation', I didn't sleep four days and nights straight, had high blood pressure and some heart problems. I have difficulty sleeping even when I'm completely relaxed. Surprisingly, my fellow commanders and I think the men thought I did a good job and were disappointed that I had to leave earlier.

Anyway, I'm very anxious. I'm acquainted with one of the senior officers there and he's been nice to me. I hate to let him down for the second time. Any ideas? My problems include the following:

1) Fear of firearms sounds and real range practice/exams.
2) Chronic insomnia
3) I'm a terrible leader. i mean it. I can 'act' only for a few days at most.
4) Often depressed

Hmmm... actually, I'm not that afraid of firearms per se... If they just gave me a weapon and no one is looking at me, I'm pretty certain that I've no problems at all of using live ammunition and taking out the targets at range. I'm more afraid of accidentally shooting someone... Carelessness, weapons malfunction, other people's carelessness... I'm blacking out sometimes these days due to my problems sleeping. Afraid of blacking out while shooting or lapse in concentration. I cannot have access to firearms on my own or a range (illegal) so practicing on my own is out of the question. Sigh... that would have been fantastic though, if I could. Overseas ranges are too expensive.

Btw, I've served for two full years before when I was younger. It's just that I don't have any inner reserves anymore and was never in a position of significant leadership. The profile of the job was also different.

 

[redski]

...
Btw, I've served for two full years before when I was younger.
It's just that I don't have any inner reserves anymore and was never
in a position of significant leadership. The profile of the job was also different.

I hear yeah, when you post a thread and get no answer.

Wow, you are in a predicament. Is there someone you can talk to.
Like an on base psychologist or something?
I really have no idea how it works as I have never served but you
mentioned you have heart problems from the "stress" most likely.
I think you better talk to a doctor.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

listen to some inspiring music beforehand? Good luck!!

 

[mrb]

do you have to be a commander , i mean if it puts you under that much pressure why cant you just be a regular army guy ? that may seem a stupid thing to say but i dont really know much about how the army works mate ..... but it would seem a simple solution to your problem ........ you may get disliked for standing down as a commander for a while but its got to be better than all the stress your having to put up with . thats probably no help to you at all sorry , hope it works out

 

[Dronee]

do you have to be a commander , i mean if it puts you under that much pressure why cant you just be a regular army guy ? that may seem a stupid thing to say but i dont really know much about how the army works mate ..... but it would seem a simple solution to your problem ........ you may get disliked for standing down as a commander for a while but its got to be better than all the stress your having to put up with . thats probably no help to you at all sorry , hope it works out

Well... they don't ask. They tell you to do things. If I don't do it, I go to prison. But it's possible to ask if I can avoid being in command. Unlikely though, due to my rank... I personally don't care if they tell me off, but I'd hate to disappoing one of the senior officers there. And thanks. No need to say sorry. A listening ear is not a bad thing at all. My real life friends are all too busy really so any serious suggestion is better than nothing.

@ redski: There's no real psychologist thing here... hmmm... there's one, but it's more for lip service. But I might look into that... Most likely the advice will be to 'toughen up' and stop being a sissy. Heart problems are gone right now. It's due to lack of sleep most likely and anxiety. Both of which I'm sure will return when I return to training. Besides, doctors here are very strict about things... and the culture here is such that mental illness is not even acknowledged practically... just some lip service from what I've seen.

@LazyHermitCrab: Might be worth trying....

@ all: Thanks for the suggestions. I'm sick of being anxious all the time. (Obscure) "Look at dronee, that's the way to handle ..." "Take a look at dronee, so confident."... "You should study hard and be like dronee who have a good degree..."... Sometimes I find it all just so ridiculous. I always felt like telling them that they have got to be joking... They don't know that in the end, I always somehow screw the good things I've achieved. Anyway, enough ramblings... Any other suggestions are welcome. Thanks.

 

[mrb]

you could always follow the white rabbit lol joke

 

[Dronee]

you could always follow the white rabbit lol joke

I'm probably so much of an anomaly that the Matrix system will collapse from fits of laughter..... And that'll put Neo or any other 'The One' out of work. On the plus side, I can probably get Trinity to teach me how to handle firearms through one of those download modules or whatever they call them.

 

[mrb]

I'm probably so much of an anomaly that the Matrix system will collapse from fits of laughter..... And that'll put Neo or any other 'The One' out of work. On the plus side, I can probably get Trinity to teach me how to handle firearms through one of those download modules or whatever they call them.

well you could always ask jamthenra on this site , hes agent smith mate

 

[Dronee]

Hmm... would listening to audio recordings of gunshots at a very high volume desensitize me or make it worse?

 

[coyote]

Hi Dronee,

I can relate somewhat. I served as a Sergeant in the U.S. Marine Corps. I didn't have any problems with firearms or insomnia, but I did suffer a great deal of anxiety being in a position of leadership.

I guess the way I was able to deal with it was just by pretending to be someone I wasn't. I just "got into character" like an actor playing the role of a poised, cool, confident, tough Marine Sergeant.

After a while, sometimes it's easy to forget that's not who you really are.

I wonder how many other guys around me were doing the same thing....


As a rifle expert/pistol sharpshooter, I would suggest that the main way to overcome the firearms thing is to focus on the target, not the weapon.