LeoC
Member
Hi fellas,
I want to brifly share my experience with social phobia. I was a very talkative little guy, when my parents divorced i kinda became gradually introverted, and i started panicking at social events or in public. When i reached highschool, i was almost an outcast, i only did "well" with my group of friends, for them I was the guy who spoke little but when I spoke i almost always said something smart or funny (I was then an am now what people usually call "intelligent"). I was also the guy who suddenly dissapeared when we hang out: while they were talking i would feel i was left out of the conversation and leave with no warning. I almost always skipped parties and reunions. In college i kinda learned to deal better with it, not regularly, but i would have better days, i was good with my studies, so people kinda classified me as a "weird kind of nerd", i guess. Despite that, i never excelled, i would study or read what i wanted, I would never trust the knowledge i was supposed to learn, so my progress at college was rather slow. Also, I always had the look of a tough guy, maybe that helped me a little bit during highschool and college, i never got bullied or something like that. And if it did happen, im sure i would have tried to kick their asses. Anyway, I could go out very rarely, even if so i would panick or act weird. I would be very senstive to agressive signals from other people. I would think people laughed at me when they laughed for no apparent reason. I would think all kinds of nonsense to make me feel insecure. In college i did find a bunch of crazy friends who liked me, maybe thats hard to do in the US. I had always stayed out of drinking and drugs, but when i was 22 i started (actually after a quite deep online research) doing cannabis, the effect was perfect for me, i would literally switch into another personality, i would feel i was dreaming, i would be curious about talking to people and explore the possibilities of the moment. But I always smoked really little, i didnt want to get caught into any habits. After a while i realised i had to learn from those "high" moments instead of relying on them forever, so i quit smoking. I took a trip to a foreign country, a big leap of faith. I would still had rushes of anger, and be mad a people cause what they said felt stupid, etc. I was for sure catalogued as a looser. But objectively i was better. I met a really special person, i lost virginity at 29 (I was sure i suffered premature ejaculation based on brief non-sexual intercourses with girls before that, and I actually did, but somehow i got over it, I gradually got way better, even better than average probably). Over the las few months i discovered meditation. How to describe it? A major boost in almost all of my activities, intellectual, social, sexual, or wathever they are. I am still kinda lazy about forced activities, but way better than before for sure. I dont think about what I am, if I do, i don't care too much about what i think if it's not something useful. I try to enjoy everything I do. I have no fear of going out, and even though i dont like clubbing, I can make the best out of it when I have to go, and most importantly, wathever bad or good happens I don't keep thinking about it the whole week. I can tolerate other people even if they are really different from me or at first i find them disgunsting, I dont let the feelings of love and tenderness and compassion inside me die. I almost never get angry, let alone manifest outbursts of anger as I did before. In short, my life is better and happier, regardless of what i should think about it. I even managed to find occasions, "use" (not intended in the way of harming, just rationally) people to get chances for my future. I dont take myself so seriously in a way, if i think something, it's just a thought, then it goes away, if i like the thought or feel it is important, i try to elaborate it. Well, i know not all of you are going to find this way useful, but, believe me, it worked wonders for me, i'm doing the unthinkable! And I have no intention of stopping. I felt at this point i could tell you guys this, knowing for sure it's not bull****, or some fluctuation of mood, or a happy moment of my life solely due to external circumstances. Yes, there is hope. But, we have to take control of our lives, pitty on ourselves is useless, even if we keep loosing, the only thing we can do is try better. The attempt belongs to us, the result doesnt. And remember, think less, if possible dont think at all, you will see how difficult it is, for us even more than for other people, we have such strong negative thoughts, we think we would die without them, we would cease to exist if we stop them. Well, we wont!! Just try it for some seconds, then for some minutes, you will feel what life tastes like, more and more, until we you look back, you will be already in a different place, you will feel you just walked your way out of a dark alley. Find information, there is plenty of it, dont take drugs unless you are dangerous for yourself or for others, and dont ever give up. Good luck!
I want to brifly share my experience with social phobia. I was a very talkative little guy, when my parents divorced i kinda became gradually introverted, and i started panicking at social events or in public. When i reached highschool, i was almost an outcast, i only did "well" with my group of friends, for them I was the guy who spoke little but when I spoke i almost always said something smart or funny (I was then an am now what people usually call "intelligent"). I was also the guy who suddenly dissapeared when we hang out: while they were talking i would feel i was left out of the conversation and leave with no warning. I almost always skipped parties and reunions. In college i kinda learned to deal better with it, not regularly, but i would have better days, i was good with my studies, so people kinda classified me as a "weird kind of nerd", i guess. Despite that, i never excelled, i would study or read what i wanted, I would never trust the knowledge i was supposed to learn, so my progress at college was rather slow. Also, I always had the look of a tough guy, maybe that helped me a little bit during highschool and college, i never got bullied or something like that. And if it did happen, im sure i would have tried to kick their asses. Anyway, I could go out very rarely, even if so i would panick or act weird. I would be very senstive to agressive signals from other people. I would think people laughed at me when they laughed for no apparent reason. I would think all kinds of nonsense to make me feel insecure. In college i did find a bunch of crazy friends who liked me, maybe thats hard to do in the US. I had always stayed out of drinking and drugs, but when i was 22 i started (actually after a quite deep online research) doing cannabis, the effect was perfect for me, i would literally switch into another personality, i would feel i was dreaming, i would be curious about talking to people and explore the possibilities of the moment. But I always smoked really little, i didnt want to get caught into any habits. After a while i realised i had to learn from those "high" moments instead of relying on them forever, so i quit smoking. I took a trip to a foreign country, a big leap of faith. I would still had rushes of anger, and be mad a people cause what they said felt stupid, etc. I was for sure catalogued as a looser. But objectively i was better. I met a really special person, i lost virginity at 29 (I was sure i suffered premature ejaculation based on brief non-sexual intercourses with girls before that, and I actually did, but somehow i got over it, I gradually got way better, even better than average probably). Over the las few months i discovered meditation. How to describe it? A major boost in almost all of my activities, intellectual, social, sexual, or wathever they are. I am still kinda lazy about forced activities, but way better than before for sure. I dont think about what I am, if I do, i don't care too much about what i think if it's not something useful. I try to enjoy everything I do. I have no fear of going out, and even though i dont like clubbing, I can make the best out of it when I have to go, and most importantly, wathever bad or good happens I don't keep thinking about it the whole week. I can tolerate other people even if they are really different from me or at first i find them disgunsting, I dont let the feelings of love and tenderness and compassion inside me die. I almost never get angry, let alone manifest outbursts of anger as I did before. In short, my life is better and happier, regardless of what i should think about it. I even managed to find occasions, "use" (not intended in the way of harming, just rationally) people to get chances for my future. I dont take myself so seriously in a way, if i think something, it's just a thought, then it goes away, if i like the thought or feel it is important, i try to elaborate it. Well, i know not all of you are going to find this way useful, but, believe me, it worked wonders for me, i'm doing the unthinkable! And I have no intention of stopping. I felt at this point i could tell you guys this, knowing for sure it's not bull****, or some fluctuation of mood, or a happy moment of my life solely due to external circumstances. Yes, there is hope. But, we have to take control of our lives, pitty on ourselves is useless, even if we keep loosing, the only thing we can do is try better. The attempt belongs to us, the result doesnt. And remember, think less, if possible dont think at all, you will see how difficult it is, for us even more than for other people, we have such strong negative thoughts, we think we would die without them, we would cease to exist if we stop them. Well, we wont!! Just try it for some seconds, then for some minutes, you will feel what life tastes like, more and more, until we you look back, you will be already in a different place, you will feel you just walked your way out of a dark alley. Find information, there is plenty of it, dont take drugs unless you are dangerous for yourself or for others, and dont ever give up. Good luck!