Iam.myhair
Member
Okay so when I was younger I was using the bathroom and I looked outside the window and saw alot of wind blowing the trees and INSTANTLY in an instant (I cannot stress how quickly it happened) I INSTANTLY had an unrealistic fear of tornadoes (it literally came out of no where) I mean no ones LIKES tornadoes but it hit me like a big yellow school bus (yes.. I DID just qoute that movie) lol...
Anyway.. out of no where I had this overwhelming TERROR that a tornado was coming (and before that I didnt really care that much (or think about it enough to care)
it lasted a year or so.
Okay so.. to the issue I am going through now..
About.. hmm let's see.. It was 2006 or 2007..Anyway I was thinking to myself "what is the one most horrible thought a human could have?"... and then it hit me when I was walking out of my room.. sexual thoughts about children. and RIGHT THEN I had an overwhelming terror that I was a pedophile.
It is to th point now where It's all I can think about.
A few months ago I had this kick where I had to confess EVERY single thing I have EVER done to my mom.
(literally every little thing I could think of)
It drove her crazy and she asked me to stop but i couldnt! I literally couldn't function until I told her my terrible sin from the past everytime I thought about it.
and then thoughts like "well if she were dead i wouldn't have this problem!" popped into my head (I did NOT want them there) and then i obsessed about THAT thinking that I was going to make my mom die.
So.. the intrusive thoughts of kids have been troubling me for a long time. I don't like seeing my neice and nephew because of this. I don't WANT to be around them because I don't know what terrible things will pop into my head and I would never want to hurt them
It's just such an annoying, scary problem. It's wierd though.. sometimes I am TOTALLY free of the worry and sometimes I feel like there is NO WAY out of it and I am going to be stuck in this forever.
I never really considered being a dad when I was younger (before this issue) and now I don't even want children NEAR me.
I have so many other issues but I don't want to take up that much room (and bore you)
I will talk about something else though...
One time my mom told me "If you say youll sell youll soul for this or that.. itll happen" and ever since.. you can guess what the problem is..
EXAMPLES (that happen on a regular basis):
1. I love taking pictures of myself.. *getting ready to take a picture knowing that it will look good* --I will sell my **** to the ***** if this turns out good-- WHAT?! and then I get so scared I have to delete every picture I had taken that day. (or the ones that looked good)
it's SO wierd because its not even a thought in my head (just like the intrusive thoughts) it's just the fact that they WERE in my head (which means they are there.. somewhere) and I know that and THATS what i remember adn get freaked out about. and it's the same with this "selling soul" business.. I know ide NEVER do it but a voice in the back of my head ina split second just says it and then I get scared that it actually happened..
2. internet disconnected.. "I would sell my **** to the ***** if it would work again" --internet istantly works again-- <scared as hell
Sometimes even when i KNOW for a FACT that something is about to happen that thought will happen!!! It's crazy I know but.. it's just ONE of the issues I have
(and before you guys ask.. yes I saw a therapist and I am getting on meds this wednesday)
So thank the good Lord above and also.. This site has helped me SO SO much. Thank you to everyone who was so honest and open about everything. It has helped me so much.
With Love...
Anyway.. out of no where I had this overwhelming TERROR that a tornado was coming (and before that I didnt really care that much (or think about it enough to care)
it lasted a year or so.
Okay so.. to the issue I am going through now..
About.. hmm let's see.. It was 2006 or 2007..Anyway I was thinking to myself "what is the one most horrible thought a human could have?"... and then it hit me when I was walking out of my room.. sexual thoughts about children. and RIGHT THEN I had an overwhelming terror that I was a pedophile.
It is to th point now where It's all I can think about.
A few months ago I had this kick where I had to confess EVERY single thing I have EVER done to my mom.
(literally every little thing I could think of)
It drove her crazy and she asked me to stop but i couldnt! I literally couldn't function until I told her my terrible sin from the past everytime I thought about it.
and then thoughts like "well if she were dead i wouldn't have this problem!" popped into my head (I did NOT want them there) and then i obsessed about THAT thinking that I was going to make my mom die.
So.. the intrusive thoughts of kids have been troubling me for a long time. I don't like seeing my neice and nephew because of this. I don't WANT to be around them because I don't know what terrible things will pop into my head and I would never want to hurt them
It's just such an annoying, scary problem. It's wierd though.. sometimes I am TOTALLY free of the worry and sometimes I feel like there is NO WAY out of it and I am going to be stuck in this forever.
I never really considered being a dad when I was younger (before this issue) and now I don't even want children NEAR me.
I have so many other issues but I don't want to take up that much room (and bore you)
I will talk about something else though...
One time my mom told me "If you say youll sell youll soul for this or that.. itll happen" and ever since.. you can guess what the problem is..
EXAMPLES (that happen on a regular basis):
1. I love taking pictures of myself.. *getting ready to take a picture knowing that it will look good* --I will sell my **** to the ***** if this turns out good-- WHAT?! and then I get so scared I have to delete every picture I had taken that day. (or the ones that looked good)
it's SO wierd because its not even a thought in my head (just like the intrusive thoughts) it's just the fact that they WERE in my head (which means they are there.. somewhere) and I know that and THATS what i remember adn get freaked out about. and it's the same with this "selling soul" business.. I know ide NEVER do it but a voice in the back of my head ina split second just says it and then I get scared that it actually happened..
2. internet disconnected.. "I would sell my **** to the ***** if it would work again" --internet istantly works again-- <scared as hell
Sometimes even when i KNOW for a FACT that something is about to happen that thought will happen!!! It's crazy I know but.. it's just ONE of the issues I have
(and before you guys ask.. yes I saw a therapist and I am getting on meds this wednesday)
So thank the good Lord above and also.. This site has helped me SO SO much. Thank you to everyone who was so honest and open about everything. It has helped me so much.
With Love...