the most beautiful experience and yet so distant

[solecito22]

Hello,
Hope my note finds you all well.
I would like to ask for an advice as I am not sure what to do right now. To make the long story short, I believe I am falling in love (or I am already in love), and I am talking about a real sentiment with a shy loner man, never married, no kids, a few friends. He is in his mid 40’s and me in my mid 30’s, separated and with a wonderful 6 years old kid.
We are colleagues with the man of my interest, he used to work in a different city for the same company and we exchanged many work-related e-mails but since I am a writer by hobby, I always include something small and inspiring in all my e-mails. So he always reacted to this with a nice reply, there was an untouchable connection or a vibe so called before we even met personally when he came to work in the same city and office where I am.
The connection we felt came very obvious now when we were in the same office, well, he is always polite but avoiding me, does not look at me but many times I noticed that he stares at me when I am not looking at him, he is funny with other colleagues but with me quite and shy, sometimes very friendly, the next moment completely official. Anyway, as we were working together, we start to chat a bit more and longer but never in person, only online, slowly sharing a bit more personal details, we were able to laugh online and even flirt lightly, he said many times that he loves the way I write, the way I am. Well, one day, I followed my impulses and invited him for dinner, just a friendly dinner to be able to talk and he accepted with a big enthusiasm. The dinner came, it was the most amazing evening in my life, we talked for hours, he opened up for the first time and shared many personal things, me too and he even dared to kiss and I kissed him back, nothing of shyness in this kisses, so much passion and sensuality I found in this amazing man, I never believed this is possible in only kissing.
And now I am completely lost, completely confused and completely in love and do not know what to do…..the dinner was only a few days ago but he is so serious again with me, I called him outside of the office very friendly, he thank me for the lovely dinner, the conversation, even the beautiful dress but he was very brief, in the online chat very brief as well and polite. What to do? I do not want to scary him away and I am not insisting, I am very patient but his behavior is making me wonder if he lost interest in me now when we kissed and had such a passionate moment (we did not sleep together), he showed me one absolutely amazing man, full with sensuality and sense, gentle and a gentleman, and this really swept me away, I am in my mid 30’s and never felt so much passion in my life as in that moment of kissing with him, as we were really making love only with our lips……I think he likes me, otherwise he would’ve not be so passionate with me, I think, but he is withholding back…….what can I do before I go insane? What do you think? Thank you.

 

[Feathers]

That is why I don't initiate things with men... I think it's better if he initiates.. It is good to be nice and smile and look good (not too sexy, just normal good) maybe this will make him at ease enough to invite you (and yes even a very shy guy can get courage in my experience, if he's interested enough..)

Maybe it was 'too long' to spend so many hours together, maybe next time try to go for shorter time together, just 1 hour or two, and then slowly increase time together and experiences? (and topics)

It's good to keep it 'light and upbeat' at first (like you did in your e-mails at first) and slowly get to know each other.. To have good experiences together before you start talking about 'bad things'...

The book 'The Rules' helped me understand dating dynamics a bit better (you can look it up online/on Amazon) though it doesn't work in all cases either.. with some guys it does work, you can see if your library has it and if it could be helpful?

Maybe he got scared of the sensuality or intensity of it all, it's difficult to tell.. Or maybe he needs some time on his own to 'process' things.. do you know about his background? (Don't ask him now, this needs to be slowly gradually revealed too..) Maybe he's a virgin or with very limited experience, afraid you'd despise his inexperience...? Maybe he's also embarassed of the personal things he revealed etc. Or someone scared him that it's bad to have office romances..? Who knows? (Or he heard bad news about his cousin divorcing and someone was jaded about women and he got scared...) Difficult to tell from afar.. It may have nothing to do with you.. (or it can)
It's difficult to say give it time and learn more about this from books or sites on dating, I think that's what I'd do though...
Also I'd say concentrate on any hobbies or things you find interesting and your kid!! So you don't solely depend on this guy.. I know that's difficult to do!! Try to get energy elsewhere, with good nutrition, walks, fresh air, doing things you like, have a massage at spa etc. So you feel good no matter how this person reacts and no matter what the future brings..
Maybe you'll radiate more energy and he'll become attracted to you again!! or he'll dare be more corageous and show attraction again and ask you out!
Maybe even consider meeting other people.. Though I recommend just for meeting up and talking and no passionate stuff first.. Only get physical when you two know each other well.. and know what you both want (short or long term etc) again, take it slow and really get to know each other well first on a repeated basis!

 

[kihira]

Go for it. Dont let this opportunity pass. In your own words he is the shy loner man. You need to take the lead in this. Leave no doubt, let him know you love him.