The humor approach

[mienaino]

I have been thinking lately about why this started. Why am I anxious? Temperament probably has something to do with it, but a history of bad social experiences surely must have had the greatest role in bringing this to bear. At least, I think so. Then, when considering why I'm so ineffective in social situations, when I'm able to act otherwise reasonably normal for a limited time, it occurred to me that I have no noticable sense of humor. In the past few months, I've set out to find an alternative to my seeming lack of wit. I'm quite cynical, so I've started to articulate my cynicisms and make sarcastic remarks whenever appropriate (which is almost always). The results have been better than I ever would have imagined. People respond to humor. Out of everything I've ever tried, it is the only thing that people respond to. I went out on the first date of my life lastnight. The anxiety is still there, but I think I've found the floorplan for a strategy, at last. That means confidence to me, and confidence is half the battle.

 

[Thelema]

Good for you getting your first date 8)

Yeah nothing is like humor. When you make fun of yourself it makes not only you but the other person more at ease. Like wearing a sleaveless shirt and then making fun of your skinny arms :lol: or if people have never seen you with a girlfriend and then you make fun of that by talking about how the girls just can't stay away from you :lol:

 

[mienaino]

It can work that way, but I didn't mean only as an icebreaker. I find that the primary function of humor in a social context isn't in higher reasoning, and thus the aim isn't to make people laugh. If humor is processed with higher reason, then it essentially fails as a discreet mechanism of communication. Think of it as oil on the hinges of a particularly rusty machine (in the case of SP). That is to say, people respond not to the actual humorous subject matter (higher reason--analyzed), but to the perception of humor (lower reason--internalized). This, in turn, effects people's perception of you in ways they don't even realize, but favorable. Once you have a plus sign in front of your name in other people's books, they fill in the rest... if you're not significantly ugly, then you're physically attractive, if you're always in trouble then you're adventuresome, if you're never involved in anything then you're mysterious. All positive qualities, as opposed to the negative qualities that would be assigned beyond your control, if you gave a negative intial impression.